drg2365 Posted February 22, 2014 Posted February 22, 2014 Hey guys, I really suck at this dating thing. Ok well I am in a brand new city, brand new job, really hard to meet people let alone women. I'm a 22.5 year old graduate who took a job far from home. So uhm, I joined match for the heck of it. Well I met this one girl and we send a few emails back and forth over a few days and she gives me her number. Yesterday morning actually. We talk a little bit and we find out we both have an empty Friday and agree to meet up. (Same day as getting phone number) I was a little surprised. But we agree to meet up at this one place I like to frequent she had never been. We sit down and I can tell she is shy, I have to drive the conversation, but she is really nice, cute, and smart. She was embarrassed at the fact she moved back in with her parents to work on her master's. (She's 24, I don't know if this had anything to do with it) But the dinner went well and it was only 9:00, so I suggested we keep the night going. We go to this skyline bar (800 ft up!) in the city, order a drink, and she really starts to open up to me. All I really had to do was ask questions and navigate away from awkward silences. We were making a lot of eye contact but sometimes she would break it, again it seemed like she was shy (even though the stories she told heavily suggested otherwise). We stayed there nearly 3 hours talking. Its really freezing outside (one of those nights it goes from 65 to 35 instantly), so the walk back was a little silent, but we started talking again in my car. I dropped her off, told her I had a great time, she said she did too thanks for dinner, but was fumbling with her purse, said we should do something else, gotta an unenthusiastic 'yeah ok' and she got out and left, no eye contact. What do I do? A 5+ hour (with no movie) first date filled with (her) talking doesn't come along super often, at least for me. Call her tomorrow? Text her something (what at that) today? Wait for her? Thanks in advance
Dark Phoenix Posted February 22, 2014 Posted February 22, 2014 Let it sit for a few days.... then call her up and ask her out again, something fun and cut it short (not 5 hours) In the mean time, focus less on her and more on yourself 2
Author drg2365 Posted February 22, 2014 Author Posted February 22, 2014 Yeah I guess that's the only thing to do. I just didn't get it, I didn't stretch it out that long at all. We were talking a lot, and I got her really talking about herself and opening up, we only had two drinks the whole night so I don't think that was the reason. I actually had to wrap it up, she seemed kind of indecisive about things. I don't know if a first date going that long is a good or a bad thing. She seemed really cool and our conversation flowed really well. Its confusing... Has anyone else had a first date/situation like this
Imajerk17 Posted February 22, 2014 Posted February 22, 2014 (edited) I actually would text her today, text her something low-key and friendly. Waiting a few days can backfire. Think about it. If she actually is into you now and you wait a few days to contact her she might dismiss you as "not that interested". And if she isn't interested in seeing you again, then waiting a couple of days (presumably to "mirror" her supposedly low interest to get her guard down) won't make her into you. You never know. You said she is shy right? This sort of thing--"good" first dates from online that don't lead to a second date--is very common though. Edited February 22, 2014 by Imajerk17 6
Noproblem Posted February 22, 2014 Posted February 22, 2014 Text her tomorrow I think the date went well, she is just a bit shy....
HappyLove Posted February 22, 2014 Posted February 22, 2014 I'd feel her out and text something NOW, like I had a really great time meeting you. See how she replies.
KatZee Posted February 22, 2014 Posted February 22, 2014 You said she was shy. Personally, I think she was s.hitting bricks that you'd maybe try to kiss her after the awesome date. She got scared, (why she couldn't make eye contact and was mumbling). I'd follow up with her and reinforce that it was a great time and would she like to go out again. 2
Author drg2365 Posted February 23, 2014 Author Posted February 23, 2014 I thought she was being shy, she didn't really warm up until we went to the skyline bar, it was an amazing view she really liked it. And she opened up alot at that. All about her family, friends, stories, etc. But the aloof behavior at the end was a bit puzzling. And this is a debate that has and will always rage for the end of time, I myself have no answer, but I guess I have to point out that she didn't offer to pay for anything. Well I actually had stuff to do today and meeting a friend later. Since its a Saturday I just decided to try to call her tomorrow. A Saturday is a Saturday for everyone, but I'm still kinda nervous/confused, I thought I really connected with her...
KatZee Posted February 23, 2014 Posted February 23, 2014 She didn't follow up at all? 10/10 times if I go on a date with a guy, 1. I will ALWAYS offer to pay part of the bill, and 2. If I'm into the guy I will always follow up very soon after the date to say thank you again, I had a great time. This way the guy KNOWS I'm interested in further contact. If I'm not interested in the guy, he won't ever hear from me again. 2
Tayken Posted February 23, 2014 Posted February 23, 2014 What do I do? A 5+ hour (with no movie) first date filled with (her) talking doesn't come along super often, at least for me. Ans: That is impressive and nice by the sound of things...I have had many of those, and I think my record breaking 1st date so far has been 12hrs straight all outdoors and indoors (activities not dinner, movie) Call her tomorrow? Yes do, but not early in the morning cos it's Sunday...schedule it for just after noon. Text her something (what at that) today? Yes....keep it short and just say you had a wonderful time today, compliment her again on how she looked, and tell her to enjoy the rest of her evening. Wait for her? Tricky, she might or might not...it's part of the female game. 1
what_a_blonde Posted February 23, 2014 Posted February 23, 2014 She didn't follow up at all? 10/10 times if I go on a date with a guy, 1. I will ALWAYS offer to pay part of the bill, and 2. If I'm into the guy I will always follow up very soon after the date to say thank you again, I had a great time. This way the guy KNOWS I'm interested in further contact. If I'm not interested in the guy, he won't ever hear from me again. I can agree with this. However also, OP mentions that she was embarrassed for moving back in with parents so maybe she doesn't have the funds. (still, no excuse... don't go on dates sucking money out of men just because you don't have the money yourself.. however could be part of it) Also, it sounds like she could be legitimately into him, and there could also be a chance that its not that she is shy, but insecure and self-conscious. @DRG....This girl sounds like one of my friends. She described to me the exact thing that she did with one of her recent dates. She said she really, really was into him. Things were great. Then when he pulled up to drop her off at her car, she kind of just darted out. I said "what?... no hug, no plans for next time, just left??" She said she did it because she was nervous and didn't know what else to do. I'll also point out that this friend of mine is very set on men pursuing HER. So even though she darted out of the car very awkwardly, she wasn't going to text him until he text her first. Also, she can be very quiet and doesn't really approach men, however its not that she's shy... more just worried that every guy is going to turn her down so she doesn't even try. (which drives me up a wall) Anyway, I would try texting her in case she is one of those girls that thinks the man has to contact her after the first date. If she wasn't into you, you'll know by her not responding or her lack of interest/enthusiasm if she does respond.
what_a_blonde Posted February 23, 2014 Posted February 23, 2014 What do I do? A 5+ hour (with no movie) first date filled with (her) talking doesn't come along super often, at least for me. Ans: That is impressive and nice by the sound of things...I have had many of those, and I think my record breaking 1st date so far has been 12hrs straight all outdoors and indoors (activities not dinner, movie) Call her tomorrow? Yes do, but not early in the morning cos it's Sunday...schedule it for just after noon. Text her something (what at that) today? Yes....keep it short and just say you had a wonderful time today, compliment her again on how she looked, and tell her to enjoy the rest of her evening. Wait for her? Tricky, she might or might not...it's part of the female game. ^^^ Agree with this too. Good advice here Giving her some light compliments about how you enjoyed the time and maybe that she looked really great or whatever (nothing too detailed and creepy), might help with her shyness and self-confidence issues if there are any, as I'm suspecting.
TheNewMe2014 Posted February 23, 2014 Posted February 23, 2014 Text her tomorrow, if you have texted her in the past. I think this whole notion of waiting two or three days is stupid and counter-productive and game playing. If I had a good time on date, I want her to know that. I want her to know that it was fun. To me, waiting a couple of days is either an obvious game or makes you appear not interested. Now, there are rules to that. First, I wouldn't text her two minutes after she left. I would also keep the text short and easy along the lines of you had a good time and hope we can do it again. Hopefully you'd get a response back she enjoyed it and yes, let's do it again. Anything more than that in a text maybe too much. Also keeping the text simple like that a) shows interest b) gives her the opportunity to tell you if she enjoyed the date c) provides and opening (or not) for you to actually suggest the next date. Every woman is different and there is no script. As for your situation, it's tough to read with some of the info you provided. It sounds like something happened in the car and we aren't getting the full story (like trying to kiss her or getting more 'serious' on the walk back). But she's worth a text and follow-up. Could be a lot of reasons for her reaction.
Author drg2365 Posted February 23, 2014 Author Posted February 23, 2014 As for your situation, it's tough to read with some of the info you provided. It sounds like something happened in the car and we aren't getting the full story (like trying to kiss her or getting more 'serious' on the walk back). But she's worth a text and follow-up. Could be a lot of reasons for her reaction. Nothing happened in the car ride home. We actually crossed by where her and her sister ran a half marathon and talked about that. No forced moves or odd behavior on my part i can promise you that. A lot of you guys have said to follow up with her (as in text her earlier today) about saying I had fun/she looked cute. But well, I did that in person. I told her she looked really nice/her earrings were pretty during; and after said I had a great time let's do it again. I don't think I said anything off putting or rude during the date, she mostly did the talking once I got her into it. IMHO texting that to a girl the day after has led to a swift and brutal 'next' but then again very small sample size Its weird, and of the ilk that drives both genders crazy I guess. This time its me. All I can do is call her tomorrow and hope for the best.
OhThatGirl Posted February 23, 2014 Posted February 23, 2014 This sounds like it was a good date. The awkward end is because first date endings are just awkward. Especially a last minute date matched online. They just are. As a girl I let the guy lead in discussing a second date. If he brings it up, I'm willing to give ideas but the decision I leave to him. Women are the gatekeepers of sex. Men are the gatekeepers of commitment. A second date is a [very short term!] commitment. You should call her. Or text her. And say "I had a great time with you on Friday, I enjoyed hearing about ________ and I'd like to get together again if you're interested." The end. If she says yes, you're in. If she says no or doesn't respond, you're out. If she says yes, tell her you'll give her a call on _____day to set something up. Then tell her to have a good evening/afternoon/day and follow through. Follow up after a first date is incredibly easy. If you enjoyed yourself, offer another date. Women are not offended when they are asked out. If she agreed once and didn't end up pepper spraying you, she won't be horrified you asked. Maybe she won't accept but chances are if that's the case the when/how wouldn't have mattered anyway. Just ask her out. Damn. She's probably going "ugh he was pretty cool, I can't believe I acted like such a weirdo at the end." Trust me. Been there.
Philosopher Posted February 23, 2014 Posted February 23, 2014 It sounds like you had a great date and you should have quite a bit of momentum going forward. Text her saying that you had a really great time. If she texts back within a few hours saying that she also enjoyed the date then you have a good chance of getting another date with her. Then call her as soon as possible to arrange something new. At the very latest you should call her two days after the first date. If you leave it any later, she may start to assume that you are not interested, scuppering your chances of another date.
Author drg2365 Posted February 23, 2014 Author Posted February 23, 2014 Thanks again for the good overall advice guys. Well I waited until recently to give her a call, and she picked right up. Talked for about 10 minutes, she needed a break from studying for one of her classes. To mix it up a little bit (ie not another dinner date) I offered to go to a local science center (she's was a biology major, in her words a big science nerd) and grab some dessert or something afterwards, she laughed and agreed - hasnt been there in years. Since the beginning of the week is both bad for us, the date is set for Thursday. (I had to do a little research on what to possibly do, so there was thought involved) Any suggestions on what to do? I mean not like step for step, but I think 'what-a-blonde' hit it on the head, she's a little on the shy/insecure side so I'm going to have to basically take the lead in everything. Grab her hand in the place? Really try to kiss her after dessert?
KatZee Posted February 24, 2014 Posted February 24, 2014 This is only the second date. Don't rush the romantic stuff, she is not your girlfriend. Racing out of the gate to act like a couple (hand holding, kissing) can be a turn off for some women (it definitely is for me). I prefer a guy who compliments me, is flirty so it shows he's interested, but also respects me and allows me to set the pace of anything physical. I also prefer to get to know people first before I start kissing them, etc.
Author drg2365 Posted February 26, 2014 Author Posted February 26, 2014 Hey guys, I'm getting kind of nervous. A lot of my dating life has come down to Murphy's law. Sometimes it was my fault for not acting on signals correctly, sometimes I just got hosed. But this seems to be working? The phone call I mentioned in the last post, I wished her luck on a (Grad level) test she has Monday morning, and the next morning she texted me straight away after it. We talked a little bit, convo tampered off, left it. Today at work I was SO bored because of a lag in between meetings, decided to text her - Started off convo, "hey how's nannying going today? Are the kids being fun/behaving?" (She's a part time nanny) - and she immediately texts me back and we have a conversation. I confirm our plans for Thursday, she is still up for them. I just have to take a step back and exhale. Mostly because its been AWHILE since anything started out this seemingly (seemingly) good, and this is THE first person from online its gone anything more than lame texts for a few days. I wasn't proud to join up, but hey?? We seemed to connect and are both academically really smart, she's a grad student with her stuff in line, I'm a BS in math working for a fortune 100. Does this seem to be working? If some women could weigh in that would be awesome, I don't want to go into Thursday thinking something that isn't really the case
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