Ailsa1983 Posted February 22, 2014 Posted February 22, 2014 (edited) Some may remember my story from my previous user name TheOW unfortunately my account was suspended as I think I may have still been bitter and angry towards other users for this apologise and I hope the moderators do not canx this one. It's been about a year since D-day and nothing has changed I'm still a home-wrecker to the towns people and I have stupidly caved in a few times and had crazy sex with MM while we have had an argument. But kow I feel as if it is over I have had a few IC sessions and I am beginning to understand my complicated self. What attracted me a young good looking woman to and old man ? I think I was in love with the younger version of him the version I remember of him when I was young. He was a great looking man back (still is to some degree) my IC told me that I fantasise about what he was than what he is (maybe doesn't make sense me writing it the way I am) His wife and I have had a few run ins but I have done everything to avoid her, we had quite a nasty confrontation in our local where she threw a pint glass at his head for watching me. I have kept low last few months when before I didn't I guess I was still aggressively defensive and couldn't comprehend how much damage I have inflicted. My IC says this is because I have never truly been in love nor have I ever trusted anyone, let my guards down and let anyone see the real me. (Even my parents I'm very distant to them as well, always have been. You could say I'm a bit of a loner that way, I have lots of friends very socialable but no-one actually knows me). I'm also overly protective over my kids to the point of obsession. MM has reached out a few times asking if I'm ok, I haven't replied I'm starting to see the old man he is rather than the illusion I've been seeing. Edited February 22, 2014 by Ailsa1983
ComingInHot Posted February 22, 2014 Posted February 22, 2014 Sounds like its time to move on to a much better future for you. Best wishes* 2
Author Ailsa1983 Posted February 22, 2014 Author Posted February 22, 2014 Time to grow up as my IC would say, stop hiding and defending myself and own it.
txgrl Posted February 22, 2014 Posted February 22, 2014 Can you move? It'll give you a much needed break and new opportunities will knock on your door . Best.
waterwoman Posted February 22, 2014 Posted February 22, 2014 Hi Ailsa so nice to see you again. I certainly got the impression from you in the past that you acted a bit like some fierce creature at bay - especially regarding your children. But I could see introspection and empathy creeping into your posts as time went by. Chin up lovely x 1
Author Ailsa1983 Posted February 22, 2014 Author Posted February 22, 2014 Can you move? It'll give you a much needed break and new opportunities will knock on your door . Best. I've contemplated it but this is where we belong, my family is here, my business and livelihood, the childrens father and family is also here and as we are already at loggerheads taking the kids away would cause another war between us all. More drama etc the kids just don't need it right now I've brought them enough at our doorstep, luckily they are young enough they won't remember any of this.
gettingstronger Posted February 22, 2014 Posted February 22, 2014 I think that understanding you created this drama and to some extent got something out of it is huge- I see so many on here that really revel in the drama and its so not healthy- drama is exhausting and unhealthy for the soul- I give you lots of credit for staying around in a town where you are not viewed in a positive light- that would be very hard-now that you understand yourself more- revel in that- revel in your growth, your strength, the newer more improved you- Good luck and peace to you! 1
TaraMaiden Posted February 22, 2014 Posted February 22, 2014 Wow. That's some '180'..... Well done and good for you. I don't remember clearly tbH, having drummed up a few posts myself (! ).... I can't recollect if we ever had a 'run-in' but if we did, FWIW, apology - if any were needed - accepted! And thank you. If I may ask, did you have a 'lightbulb moment' or was your coming to terms with this, gradual?
Author Ailsa1983 Posted February 22, 2014 Author Posted February 22, 2014 I think my brain just got tired of it all and suddenly switched off ha. No need to apologise Tara I think we have all been frustrated at some point on here, it's funny because I look at the ow on here and I'm screaming "nooo" don't do it, he won't leave, he's not worth it. Then I see the heartache and can relate and thank goodness I'm no longer in that frame of mind. 3
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