Niceguy23 Posted January 20, 2005 Posted January 20, 2005 Good afternoon all. I'm writing because I have a dilemma on my hands with a girl I've been talking to for just over a month now. She's a very sweet, caring, honest, giving person and we always seem to have a good time when we hangout and are very open with each other on the phone and communicate well. I have not came out and told her about any feelings nor have I talked about being gf/bf or anything like that yet. Now, I know for a fact she really likes me but for some reason I don't think my interest is quite as high as hers. This I'm not sure what to attribute to. Possibly it's the fact I'm devoted to earning my college degree and I know if I start a new relationship time will be harder to come by. She does not go to college at this point but she thinks its great that I'm so devoted. It's been a goal of mine to get through school and possibly I maybe feel my committment to my studies might falter if I was seeing her as bf/gf. Another possibility for me is she has a child from a previous relationship that did not work out (obviously). Now I have never dated anyone that has children nor do I have any of my own (I'm 24). I guess I don't know really what bothers me about this because I like her daughter and get along with her family pretty well. It seems to me that she wants to move a little faster than I'm ready for at this point in time. The touchy part is that we have been intimate a few times and I realize this can complicate matters. She might feel it's the beginning of something long term while I might feel it's just casual sex. Which I really can't say it's one or the other here as of right now. My feelings are of the mixed variety at this point. Yes I like her but I'm not sure if it's to that level. I'm not sure if I want anything serious now because my number one priority is school which is serious business to me. I have been thinking lately I should just come out and tell her my feelings but I don't want to hurt her as she does not deserve that. But I also know that if I don't say anything and we keep going on with this I could feel even guiltier than I do now. Am I rushing to judgement here? Should I let things play out and see if my feelings change since it's only been just over a month? Should I break things off now to make sure both of us don't get hurt worse? I just would like some sound advice here, I thank you for reading and I look forward to any advice you could all give me. Thanks! [font=arial][/font][color=red][/color][color=black][/color]
morrigan Posted January 20, 2005 Posted January 20, 2005 I would be honest--you like her, but you don't want a serious relationship, your studies are very important to you and are going to take up the bigger part of your time. It you still want to see her at times, tell her. It's up to her to decide if she wants to see you or if she'd rather break up. It wouldn't matter what reasons you gave, her feelings will be hurt, but it's better to be honest right now than to have months go by with this girl having expectations that differ from yours. If you two decide to keep dating eachother on occasion, I'd say not to have sex unless you are both serious about eachother, it does complicate stuff for some people. Good luck.
LucreziaBorgia Posted January 20, 2005 Posted January 20, 2005 Originally posted by Niceguy23 I have been thinking lately I should just come out and tell her my feelings but I don't want to hurt her as she does not deserve that. But I also know that if I don't say anything and we keep going on with this I could feel even guiltier than I do now. It sounds like you are on two different paths now, which are running parallel for a time but won't merge anytime soon. You will certainly need to tell her what is up with you right now. Don't leave out anything. Trust me, you'll be hurting her far more down the road by not being honest with her. Be tactful about, but truthful. Let her know exactly where you are emotionally and include your fears about what sex means to the two of you. She's going to feel a loss, no doubt about it - but its better to lose a small investment than a large one. If you want to continue seeing her, let her know - but also be very clear that a long term relationship is not one of your priorities right now. It won't be easy, but at least she'll be in the know and she can decide whether or not she wants to continue seeing you under these conditions. Byy talking to her, you may find that you aren't as confused about the matter as you may think. This may lead to a breakup, or it may not - but at least you can say you were honest with yourself and with her about it.
Recommended Posts