With women, the "spark" needs to be there, with men...not so much?

[xxoo]

Very interesting post. Thanks for clarifying things xxoo.

 

So it is possible to have sex with a guy, to show and feel loved when she isn't attracted to him? I still think it's odd that she would even get to that stage with a guy she isn't attracted to unless she is that desperate for love.

 

I'm assuming that most healthy women only have sex with guys that are attracted to.

 

BTW, just in case it wasn't obvious, men have sex for all those reasons as well. It's basically the difference between having sex and making love.

 

Damn I miss that

 

If she really likes him, even loves him, and loves the idea of life with him, is that desperate?

 

What if she's never experienced different? The first boyfriends I made out with were NOT attractive to me--at all. I was young and enjoyed the attention, appreciated the opportunity to explore this part if life. I was with them because they paid special attention to me. Because, unlike the other boys, they asked!

 

I wouldn't do that now that I know better. My guess is that most young girls/women have those early experiences, and some marry before they know anything different.

[Imajerk17]

To add to the "why not keep dating him and give things a chance to develop?", often that can lead to a lot more pain down the road. It's a great way to end up with someone who is a great person who treats you really well but for whom you don't feel that strong attraction to.

 

This is how it can happen. Sometimes you will go on more dates hoping to feel spark/chemistry/attraction. And sometimes you do find it. Usually what happens though is you don't find the spark but you get further and further into it anyway. That's going to lead either to a relationship where something is missing, and/or to a breakup that is painful to BOTH of you.

 

The thing that is interesting to me as a guy reading the women's responses on this--which I think are great by the way--is how random the spark is. One moment there is no attraction on your end and then the next minute something so small starts it off and suddenly there's all this electricity between you and this other person you weren't into that way. It can be confusing to us as guys because the way attraction works as far as we feeling it tends to be much simpler. We like the way you look and your energy and we feel attracted.

'

Edited March 2, 2014 by Imajerk17

[Khyla]

Kyhla,

 

Since it worked in the opposite for you.....which is how I'm wired to fall for women I suppose....was it more of a spiritual connection than just "chemistry"?

I would have to say, No, it was not a spiritual connection. It was a definite "click" that I felt this real physical attraction, and OMG I want him inside me and it was my first orgasm from penetration.

 

Previously I had been with some other guys I felt a real spiritual connection to, similar philosophical beliefs, etc. that turned out to be nothing like I had expected/hoped for when it came to sex.

 

Hubby was not at all the typical guy I went for physically; He had a little in the middle which I would never tolerate before, He was not handsome to me, until after we had started making love on a regular basis (then he just seemed to glow with beauty, and other girls started to think him good-looking too, hence why I believe guys who have girlfriends really become more attractive.)

 

I had previously admired him.

his intellect, his talent, his strength, his concientious attitude, his even temper, ...and those are the things that grew on me.

 

I would watch him play his base guitar and the expressions on his face as he did so, and he was sooo into it, like he was making love to his guitar.

 

I thought he seemed a little awkward and clumsy, but I was amazed at the heavy things he could lift. And was thrilled when he picked me up like nothing and carried me over his shoulder.

 

So I think it was more a matter of me seeing these things shine through over time; the self-assurence and passion he had when it came to certain things.

 

sorry for the long post.

[irc333]

I think this is where the male version of "The Notebook" or "Return to Me" come from when it comes to romantic movies.

 

A male version of romantic movie are movies or TV shows that always show a male main character having a big crush on his "female friend", then something happens where he's running at sprinting speed to enter to stop a wedding of his "best female friend" to say , "I love you!!"

 

Basically, movies based of men making an achievement of getting out of the "friend zone" are the male version of romantic movies.

 

However...there was some TV news show or documentary where man stated or was told by a relationship expert, "You're the kind of women would marry, not date".

 

Meaning, a woman who puts you in the friendzone, means you'll not get a date with her, but however, such a woman could possibly be your future spouse.

 

There are categories of people that become matches that way. Kind of like people tend to be compatible based on how their own method of attraction

 

Like some people wind up together due to the "Friendzone" situation, while others, they meet at a nightclub , make out that evening on the dance floor, go home and swap bodily fluids, surprisingly date, and then....get married. too.

 

 

To add to the "why not keep dating him and give things a chance to develop?", often that can lead to a lot more pain down the road. It's a great way to end up with someone who is a great person who treats you really well but for whom you don't feel that strong attraction to.

 

This is how it can happen. Sometimes you will go on more dates hoping to feel spark/chemistry/attraction. And sometimes you do find it. Usually what happens though is you don't find the spark but you get further and further into it anyway. That's going to lead either to a relationship where something is missing, and/or to a breakup that is painful to BOTH of you.

 

The thing that is interesting to me as a guy reading the women's responses on this--which I think are great by the way--is how random the spark is. One moment there is no attraction on your end and then the next minute something so small starts it off and suddenly there's all this electricity between you and this other person you weren't into that way. It can be confusing to us as guys because the way attraction works as far as we feeling it tends to be much simpler. We like the way you look and your energy and we feel attracted.

'

[irc333]

...I recall how tow male and female friends were friends for 5 years...then all of a sudden...you see their wedding announcement in the newspaper.

 

It's surprising to see this occur, I've even heard their own social circle of friends get caught off guard by saying, "I never knew they were even dating much less, engaged!"

 

Some tend to look upon such a marriage with suspicion as to why "all of a sudden" they decided to get hitched.

 

It's like when they tell the "How we met story" they tell the story and leave everything out of the middle of the story.

 

Kind of like the "Yadda, yadda, yadda" episode of Seinfeld....

 

"Yeah, we met, we were friends for years...then one night...yadda, yadda, yadda, we made out, had sex, and now we're married!"

 

Or the "one thing lead to another" that connects the beginning of the story with the end that is left so ambiguous as to make one think that if what they did was actually a wise decision.