Cupcake Posted January 20, 2005 Posted January 20, 2005 Seven months ago, my ex-boyfriend dumped me for another woman. Over the past seven months, he has contacted me via email, at least once a month to tell me he still loved and missed me. I finally gave him my phone number last month. He called me yesturday and asked if I would consider getting back with him sometime in the future. I said, "Yes. Maybe, if things were different." He told me that he is still dating the same woman that he left me for. Their relationship moved rapidly from being in love to being engaged within seven months. Recently, he broke off the engagement and intends to break up with her sometime in the future. However, he respects her and doesn't want to break her heart. He is certain that she is not the one that he wants to spend the rest of his life with. According to my XBF, he realized, since we've been apart, that his love for me is real and irreplacable. He wants to spend the rest of his life with me. I told my XBF that over the past seven months, I've been single, not dating anyone. But recently, I met a man whom I really like and I'm planning to have a serious relationship with him. My XBF asked me not to progress into anything serious with my new man, because my XBF wants us to give our relationship a second chance. I agreed not to persue anything serious with the new man. I agreed to give the relationship with my XBF another try. However, my XBF is still dating the other woman. He asked me to give him some time to break things off with her gently, so that she doesn't get hurt. God only knows how long it will take!! He gave me two options: 1.) Keep contact with my XBF (So that I won't be alone), have sex with him, and basically share him with the other woman, thereby risk her finding out that he is cheating on her with me, she will be angry with me and him, she will be hurt; because eventually, they will break up no matter what. The only difference will be the reason for the break up. 2.) Have no contact with him so that I don't interfear with his relationship with the other woman. They go on having their fun as normal. I remain single and alone for another seven months, maybe seven years, who knows! I wait for my XBF to break up with the other woman, and come back to me. What was a better way for me to handle my XBF's request? If he truly loves me, should I wait for him? Clearly, I still love him since I haven't moved on since the break up. What is the best decision? Does my XBF sound like a man who truly loves me? He clearly doesn't want me to move on and risk our chances of getting back together.
Merin Posted January 20, 2005 Posted January 20, 2005 Wait! Hold up!!! He says he wants another chance with you SOMETIME in the future.. YET he is STILL with someone else.. (the person he cheated on you with) BUT he says he broke off the engagment to her.. YET STILL hasn't ended the relationship.. BUT says he will SOMETIME in the future.. and this is because (in your words) HE respects HER and doesn't want to break HER heart? W w! It's to bad he didn't have the same RESPECT for you when he had you and wasn't as concerned about breaking YOUR heart! What a sh*t! IMHO.. You don't own him anything.. I wouldn't wait for this guy to do the "right thing" IF you like the other guy you've been dating.. then give him an opportunity to RESPECT you, and just maybe he will be more careful, considerate and deserving of YOUR heart.
midori Posted January 20, 2005 Posted January 20, 2005 Option #3 is this: you realize that your ex boyfriend is dishonest and emotionally immature. He's surely got many fine qualities, but unfortunately he's not the kind of person you want to be involved with, because you will never ever be able to trust him, be relaxed in the relationship, and know that come what may he'll deal with you honestly and fairly. Option #3 has one drawback: you won't be able to stick it to the woman for whom he left you (and who, I assume, was having an affair with him before he got around to breaking up with you), you won't be able to gloat knowing that she got her own dose of what you had to go through when he left you for her. But this doesn't matter, for two reasons: 1. you already know that she's going to suffer what you did (even if she doesn't know it yet, and even if you're not directly involved in his dumping her. Sooner or later he will dump her, and will probably have another woman lined up). 2. In the highly unlikely event that he stays with her indefinitely, you know that their relationship will never be solid, because he's not a solid person. He has already betrayed her by making overtures to you. Look at how he's behaving: he's courting you but he hasn't broken up with her yet. Why on earth would you want a loser like that? Mature, responsible people end relationships that they're dissatisfied with before they start new romances. Insecure, selfish people do what your ex is doing. Not only is he insulting his current girlfriend, he's insulting you by suggesting that you wait for him. He clearly has no shame. Go for the new guy. And while you're at it, get a new number, but this time don't give it to your ex. The less you have to do with him, the better!
very-confused-girl Posted January 20, 2005 Posted January 20, 2005 I agree with all the posts above. The guy treats you like a doormat. If somebody hurts you, you can give the person a chance, but the person should be begging for your love and attention and really regret what he did and trying to get you back and showing you how sorry he is and showing effort to become a better man. But your exboyfriend even dictates you the conditions here. What the hell??????? You are the one who should dictates here if anything. He wants you to be graciously waiting until he deign to leave her? And even look how he treats his current girlfriend. Does it not say a lot about how he is??? I would be running miles away from you if I was in your shoes!!!
upsetnhurt Posted January 20, 2005 Posted January 20, 2005 Cupcake, I can't even reply to your initial questions without getting upset and wanting to shake some sense into you!!! Are you seriously considering going back with a person who is so selfish and disrespectful of your feelings, or is this a joke?
YummyMummy Posted January 21, 2005 Posted January 21, 2005 well my xbf left me 16 mths ago for someone else n no way would i go back to him now. He must no how much u love him for him to know u would even consider going back! I took my xbf back once before when he said he had realised how much being apart from me made him realise how much he loved me yet 2 mths later he starts an affair! Dont do it! You taking him back shows him that he is the one in control! Good luck whatever you decide! xxxxxx
ziggue Posted January 21, 2005 Posted January 21, 2005 He sounds messed up too me. I feel sorry for this girl his with. You are gonna turn into that girl if you get back with him. He wants you both. That's why his keeping her around and persuing you as well. She fell for it. Don't fall for it too. He says he'll brake it off with her. He broke of the engagement but not the relationship. Don't let yourself get hurt again by going back to him.
alphamale Posted January 21, 2005 Posted January 21, 2005 Originally posted by ziggue He sounds messed up too me. Don't let yourself get hurt again by going back to him. Well ZIGGUE... we all know what is gonna happen
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