Anyone got any perspective?

[shainrict]

Ok everyone. I feel like I have lost my mind at this point. I am a lesbian, and I have spent the last 20 years with the same woman. About 2 years ago I found out she was sleeping with some guy and lied to me telling me for weeks prior this was just some person she was helping out. This was NOT the first time she has gone there as far as cheating on me with some dude. In fact, there was once she actually told me she came home pregnant and my first reaction was..."it aint mine!"

 

Now, let me explain...when she and I first got together, she was straight. In fact, of the 6 women I have had long terms with, 5 were straight when we met. Bad habit I know. So dont bother.

 

That being said, I always new during our entire relationship, that she was not gay. In fact, I even went to the extent of trying to compensate by having male partners in from time to time. (im not exclusively gay)

 

In the beginning, we had the greatest love story ever told. Even though things started as a satisfy her curiosity thing, we fell in love. And we had a bond that few people ever feel in their entire life. Other couples would fall in love all over again when they were around us. It was great. And that bond, regardless of time or any of the crap she pulled, or anything, was the foremost aspect of our relationship. Beyond sex, love, parnership....we were best friends and soul mates. I know I felt that way, and I BELIEVED so did she as she not only said so, but she also showed me in the way she acted.

Actions speak louder than words.

 

She also had a 1 year old child when we first got together and we raised that child as a family. I can tell you I am the ONLY other parent my daughter knows besides her mother, (said partner, we will call her T for the purpose of this discussion), and she has developed into an awesome adult who has good values, makes relatively good decisions, has her own place, a car, and a grat job.

 

I really am trying not to make this too long but...anyway. So 2 years ago I finally told her to either tell said dude to take a hike or leave. Long story short. She left and moved in with said guy, who was old, fat, missing teeth, had only one nut, and lived in a trailor with like 5 other people and the place was so nasty that T felt the need to have flip flops on all the time to walk around on the floor. THAT is what she left me for.

 

For the past 2 years I have been fighting desparately to keep at the very least our bond as friends. I get she doesnt want to do the "gay" thing anymore. I get she wants to try and have a "normal" (HAHAHA) life with some man and live happily ever after. I always knew she wasnt gay anyway.

What I dont get is how she could have spent the last 20 years, pretty much all of her adult life, with the same person. And have gone through all the things we survived in that time period. And then now, just shut it down like it never happened.

 

There are alot more details to this whole story but I could be here all day. Bottom line, now that everything is said and done, we will not be speaking to each other ever again. This is by her choice. She resents ME, hates ME, and blames ME for everything. And when I say that during our relationship, I gave her anything she wanted if I could, accepted her with all her flaws, forgave her for all her transgressions, and promised her I would always be there for her no matter what and have not broken that promise to this day.

 

How can a person spend 20 YEARS of their life with another human being, good bad or indifferent, and walk away like it never happened?

Edited February 22, 2014 by shainrict
Vague title

[writergal]

To answer your question, it happens all the time; people walk away from relationships and pretend they never happened. Happened to me 5 years ago. Some people are incapable of true emotional intimacy, of having empathy for others, of taking responsibility for their actions. Some people are just selfish narcissists.