jrh1524 Posted February 22, 2014 Posted February 22, 2014 (edited) 5th date coming up and no sex. She says she's been hurt in the past. Should I give it one more shot? So far there only been making out and breast fondling sucking. Friend says I'm about to be LJBF'ed. Edited February 22, 2014 by jrh1524
Keenly Posted February 22, 2014 Posted February 22, 2014 Do you want a girlfriend or do you want to get laid? 6
Author jrh1524 Posted February 22, 2014 Author Posted February 22, 2014 I want a g/f, but I don't want to be emasculated or LJBF because I'm able to be pushed around. 1
Keenly Posted February 22, 2014 Posted February 22, 2014 Not really anything bad about taking it slow. Give her 2-3 months to warm up. She will want to have a fair amount of sex after she is comfortable. Stick around, its worth it. 3
awkwardturtle Posted February 22, 2014 Posted February 22, 2014 So you've been on 4 dates, but how long have you been seeing her? Maybe she worries that sleeping with you too soon might cause you to lose interest?
Author jrh1524 Posted February 22, 2014 Author Posted February 22, 2014 I met her at a Super Bowl Party. That IS what she worries about turtle.
BradJacobs Posted February 22, 2014 Posted February 22, 2014 She wants to take it slow with you. If you aren't comfortable then leave her.
Never Again Posted February 22, 2014 Posted February 22, 2014 I want a g/f, but I don't want to be emasculated or LJBF because I'm able to be pushed around. Respecting a woman's boundaries is NOT letting her push you around. And if you're still making out and touching her breasts, you're not in danger of being tossed into the friendzone. "Emasculated" because SHE wants to express HER ability to decided when SHE wants to have sex? I don't want to be mean here, but are you serious? The only way you can be emasculated here is if you whine and pout about it. Just accept her decision and make the best of what she gives you. Teasing and taking it slow can be a BIG turn on for a woman if you approach it the right way. 5
awkwardturtle Posted February 22, 2014 Posted February 22, 2014 I met her at a Super Bowl Party. That IS what she worries about turtle. Well then there you go - she doesn't want to sabotage things with you. Which puts her very much on the opposite end of the spectrum from "LJBF"! 2
what_a_blonde Posted February 22, 2014 Posted February 22, 2014 Respecting a woman's boundaries is NOT letting her push you around. And if you're still making out and touching her breasts, you're not in danger of being tossed into the friendzone. "Emasculated" because SHE wants to express HER ability to decided when SHE wants to have sex? I don't want to be mean here, but are you serious? The only way you can be emasculated here is if you whine and pout about it. Just accept her decision and make the best of what she gives you. Teasing and taking it slow can be a BIG turn on for a woman if you approach it the right way. ^^^ Agree. Also, if you really are interested in having a relationship with her and taking it to the next level, enjoy taking it slow and respect that she wants to take it slow. As others have said, if you're already doing the things you are, you're not in danger of being friend-zoned. Just take it slow. Give it more than just "one more shot" if you REALLY are interested in being more than just FWB or f-buddies with her.
soccerrprp Posted February 22, 2014 Posted February 22, 2014 I met her at a Super Bowl Party. That IS what she worries about turtle. Well, not sure what it is you expect from her. She has a legit concern and wanting to take it slow is reasonable. If you don't like her terms then leave. Your own concern of being "emasculated" is troubling. That you think this way is worrisome. She wants to protect herself as much as she can and you seem to be annoyed by this? If you really like her, continue being patient. She's already let you touch her breasts....she's sexually interested, attracted so being friend-zoned is unlikely.
ChessPieceFace Posted February 22, 2014 Posted February 22, 2014 I'd find it weirder to have sex with a girl on the 5th date than to wait longer. Sounds like all you want is sex. Why don't you find a girl more compatible with that mentality then. 4
LoveAtWork Posted February 22, 2014 Posted February 22, 2014 If she's cool and you get along then stick with it. If you're trying to just get laid, then "Let's go slow" is code for "Hell No" ..
Poppygoodwill Posted February 22, 2014 Posted February 22, 2014 TBH, the fact that you're thinking like this is exactly the kind of thing she's trying to protect herself from by wanting to take it slow. So you're kind of proving her point that it's a wise idea. Someone said it, but I think it's worth repeating: if you interpret a woman setting boundaries about her body and sex - and wanting to be entirely comfortable when she's intimate with you - as some how an affront to your masculinity ("emasculating") then you are exactly the kind of guy she's worried about getting caught up with. And I would be too. It's not about you Mister. It's about her. If you can't respect her feelings then do her a favour and walk away. 5
Author jrh1524 Posted February 22, 2014 Author Posted February 22, 2014 The thinking from my friends is that she wants to take it slow because she is looking for the bigger better deal or multi-dating and is about to drop the LJBF hammer. They say, "If you were Brad Pitt would she want to 'take things slow??'"
awkwardturtle Posted February 22, 2014 Posted February 22, 2014 (edited) They say, "If you were Brad Pitt would she want to 'take things slow??'" If she wanted a shot at a long-term relationship with him, yeah she probably would. Remember that while girls get horny and have needs too, most of us *generally* don't find it nearly as difficult to refrain from having sex as guys do. Edited to add: Btw if I had no sexual interest in a guy, I would certainly not put my boobs in his mouth. Edited February 22, 2014 by awkwardturtle 1
Never Again Posted February 22, 2014 Posted February 22, 2014 The thinking from my friends is that she wants to take it slow because she is looking for the bigger better deal or multi-dating and is about to drop the LJBF hammer. They say, "If you were Brad Pitt would she want to 'take things slow??'" Your friends, pardon me for saying so, are DUMB. So, your friends must fall into one of the following categories: - Disrespectful to women - Care too much about sex and too little about the emotional bond required for that sex to actually mean anything in a relationship (fun fact, intimacy generally equals better sex) - Don't understand that most women PREFER to establish this emotional bond if they take themselves and their sexuality seriously in a relationship because most don't compartmentalize sex and feelings - are the overly masculine, alpha-wannabies that think that respecting women and their limits is somehow emasculating and that they've got to be overly dominant in everything - Are total and complete morons - Some other equally foolish thing I missed If a girl wants something meaningful, she'll wait. You want to prove you deserve it? Don't push her and take her on fun and exciting dates. If she likes you, you'll move forward. If you keep being an egocentric putz, she'll drop you.
Eggplant Posted February 22, 2014 Posted February 22, 2014 Five dates and you haven't proposed all ready? Come on, what's taking so long? I mean, you two just met basically, and don't even really know each other. 5
Author jrh1524 Posted February 25, 2014 Author Posted February 25, 2014 (edited) I wanted to let everyone know that she texted me Saturday and said she had a massive migraine and would not be available for a week. I texted back 'ok' on Monday and haven't heard back from her since. I think I should have been more cautious when I heard her "let's take it slow" comments. Edited February 25, 2014 by jrh1524
RedRobin Posted February 25, 2014 Posted February 25, 2014 The thinking from my friends is that she wants to take it slow because she is looking for the bigger better deal or multi-dating and is about to drop the LJBF hammer. They say, "If you were Brad Pitt would she want to 'take things slow??'" After 4 dates, you don't know her well enough to say that... What if she slept with you and other guys too? You think that maybe, just maybe, there might be a good reason for YOU to slow down too?? and get to know her before having sex? ... and she doesn't know you well enough to believe you'll be exclusive even if you say you are. Are YOU multi-dating? Four dates is what, a couple of weeks. OOo! the paragon of patience you are! ... plus she may not want to be with a man-whore who has to stick it into near strangers to feed his ego or ease his insecurity. The best way to sus those out are not to have sex with them early on. Sorry.. that's how it goes.
awkwardturtle Posted February 25, 2014 Posted February 25, 2014 I wanted to let everyone know that she texted me Saturday and said she had a massive migraine and would not be available for a week. I texted back 'ok' on Monday and haven't heard back from her since. I think I should have been more cautious when I heard her "let's take it slow" comments. You didn't even tell her "hope you feel better", or text her the next day to see how she was feeling? Honestly I wouldn't have contacted you again either after that if I were her. If I'm sick and a guy doesn't show any concern, I assume he doesn't care.
starrynightz45 Posted February 25, 2014 Posted February 25, 2014 Really? After 5 dates? Maybe I'm super old school. But even if I met the most perfect guy on earth, there's just no chance of sex after 5 dates. It's not going to happen, not if I really want something REAL with that person. But maybe that's just me. I don't think you're at risk of being friendzoned with a girl who is clearly engaging in sexual "things" with you, but just not sex. Wait it out if you really like her.
Never Again Posted February 25, 2014 Posted February 25, 2014 I wanted to let everyone know that she texted me Saturday and said she had a massive migraine and would not be available for a week. I texted back 'ok' on Monday and haven't heard back from her since. I think I should have been more cautious when I heard her "let's take it slow" comments. No offense, but you're a bit of a dummy. You didn't have to check up on her later, but a simple "OK, well I hope you feel better soon" would have been nice. At this point, "let's take it slow" isn't the reason she's fading off...it's your inability to be courteous, polite or respectful. 3
starrynightz45 Posted February 25, 2014 Posted February 25, 2014 I wanted to let everyone know that she texted me Saturday and said she had a massive migraine and would not be available for a week. I texted back 'ok' on Monday and haven't heard back from her since. I think I should have been more cautious when I heard her "let's take it slow" comments. I think your friends are giving you terrible advice from a MALE PERSPECTIVE, and it isn't accurate. Also, she just told you she wasn't feeling well and all you responded was "OK." You didn't check up on her later, or text her again? If I was her, I'd think you're inconsiderate/probably don't care all that much. It's not the "lets take it slow" comment that is a problem here AT ALL, as it's completely normal and not the least bit concerning/shocking after only 5 dates. It's your reactions/responses/thinking that are throwing this whole thing off.
Woop1337 Posted February 25, 2014 Posted February 25, 2014 She likes you much that she told you to slow down and had a migraine for a week. Wow, much true, such honest. Kidding aside, other posters have valid points. Feeling emasculated is the wrong mentality to have. Then again, how come the pace of the relationship is never an issue when the other person is really into you? Food for thought. 1
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