Conners Posted February 22, 2014 Posted February 22, 2014 It's been two months since I've split with my ex. The only guy I have ever loved. I broke up with him but he really gave me no choice. You can see my previous threads if you want to. I have no motivation, I have lost 7kg and my mum is complaining I am looking "too thin". I have just finished up my job and starting school next week. On the weekends I hardly leave my room except when I force myself to go out with some friends or go to the beach with the dog to get some actual sunlight. On valentines day I went out with a group of girls and drank so much I pretty much did not move from bed the whole next day. The reason I drank so much is because he messaged me for valentines day saying how much he still loved me and always will. It took me by surprise and saddened me. I can't talk to anyone I now about this, they all think I did the right thing and I deserve a whole lot better and i'm sure they don't want me to continue complaining about missing this guy. I did hang out with a guy from work as an attempt at a rebound and although he is lovely, there is no feelings there whatsoever. I need some ideas or help to try and make myself feel better.. I need to stop laying around in bed in my room during my free time.. I just feel so miserable. I hate sleeping because he is in my dreams most nights. I just want to feel better.
Thedafox Posted February 22, 2014 Posted February 22, 2014 Keep at it. I'm about to be at the 4 month mark and I still get a tad upset every now and again. I promise you, it will get easier.
reddragon588 Posted February 22, 2014 Posted February 22, 2014 2 months is nothing. Just keep your head up. I know what you're saying about drinking too much, I've been there. Maybe lay off drinking for a little bit- it will let your head clear and you can release those emotions in a healthy way. I'm at 8 months, I'm also taking a drinking break because I've had some depression lately (somewhat related to the breakup, but mostly because of other things... regardless). You didn't mention if you were in NC- I know your ex messaged you, but I hope you didn't respond! We often feel like we lost control when we are broken up with. One thing you can control is whether or not you contact your ex. Stick to NC, and it will get better!
Author Conners Posted February 22, 2014 Author Posted February 22, 2014 2 months is nothing. Just keep your head up. I know what you're saying about drinking too much, I've been there. Maybe lay off drinking for a little bit- it will let your head clear and you can release those emotions in a healthy way. I'm at 8 months, I'm also taking a drinking break because I've had some depression lately (somewhat related to the breakup, but mostly because of other things... regardless). You didn't mention if you were in NC- I know your ex messaged you, but I hope you didn't respond! We often feel like we lost control when we are broken up with. One thing you can control is whether or not you contact your ex. Stick to NC, and it will get better! No we aren't really NC. I know this is probably a bad thing but we still talk about general things that we used to talk about. It's mainly just a few texts when we are bored at work. My sister who works at a club said she saw him there last night and he was hanging out with the guys all night and didn't seem all that happy. I will be seeing him next week, he is giving me his laptop since I need one for school and he never uses his. I can't afford one now I am unemployed.. Do you think this is a bad idea?
Minneloa Posted February 22, 2014 Posted February 22, 2014 No we aren't really NC. I know this is probably a bad thing but we still talk about general things that we used to talk about. It's mainly just a few texts when we are bored at work. My sister who works at a club said she saw him there last night and he was hanging out with the guys all night and didn't seem all that happy. I will be seeing him next week, he is giving me his laptop since I need one for school and he never uses his. I can't afford one now I am unemployed.. Do you think this is a bad idea? I'm sorry you're hurting. I think one key reason you don't feel better after two months is that you are still in contact with your ex, which doesn't give you time and space to heal from the failed relationship. Even if it's just idle chitchat at work, the contact keeps alive the emotional connection between the two of you. I know it's difficult, but if you want to move forward in your life, going NC will help you considerably: even though it brings it own pain, it allows you to grieve the relationship properly and acknowledge the loss, rather than stay in limbo. Sending good thoughts, M.
devilish innocent Posted February 22, 2014 Posted February 22, 2014 Going no contact is pretty important for getting over him. It may be a little harder at first, but you'll get over him much faster that way. Just think about how much further along you might have been in the grieving process if you weren't speaking to him and that could help motivate you to stay away. Here are some other things that will help: Exercise-Do thirty minutes of moderate exercise several times a week. It boosts your endorphin levels and changes your body's physiology. Keep it at and you should start to notice a difference after a couple of weeks. Sleep-I know you don't like having him in your dreams, but there's a strong correlation between getting enough sleep and mood. You know how much sleep your body needs to feel well rested, and it's important that you give your body that full night of sleep every night. Keeping active/busy- It's great that you're getting out of the house and hanging out with your friends on the week-ends. Don't let yourself give in to the temptation to stay stuck in bed. Social support-Don't worry about annoying your friends too much. That's what friends are for. They'll understand. Especially if they see you're really trying to move past this. Thinking positive- This one may seem difficult, but it shouldn't be. There's always something better out there for you. Not just better than the break-up, but better than being with somebody who didn't love you enough. You're probably not in any type of position for that better future right this moment. But you will be eventually. For now, you just need to know that. All the pain and heartache you're going through right now, you'll look back on some day and be grateful for it because it will lead you somewhere better. Keep that in mind and it will help you make it through. On another note of staying positive, try to count blessings. Think of your friends, family, health. Each night when you go to bed think of three good things that happened that day. Also, make sure to love and accept yourself. Get rid of things that will remind you of him- The time will come when you're thinking of him less and less. It's okay if he still crosses your mind from time to time. But you don't need his things around your room or his facebook posts on your wall to keep making you think of him. Throw away his things or store them where you're not likely to see them. Block him from any social media sites. And of course this goes back to no contact as well. Good luck! 1
Mariposa10 Posted February 24, 2014 Posted February 24, 2014 I think him giving you a laptop is a bad idea... Have you thought about starting a new hobby?
Author Conners Posted February 24, 2014 Author Posted February 24, 2014 I think him giving you a laptop is a bad idea... Have you thought about starting a new hobby? Well i'm not going to pass up a free one when i'm relying on my savings at the moment. He never ever used it anyway. Well i'm not sure what I can do as a hobby? I'm excited to start university and meet some new friends and do something different so I guess I can put my time and energy into that
Mariposa10 Posted February 24, 2014 Posted February 24, 2014 Yes, you'll be super busy, so hopefully that will help you start the healing process!! Well i'm not going to pass up a free one when i'm relying on my savings at the moment. He never ever used it anyway. Well i'm not sure what I can do as a hobby? I'm excited to start university and meet some new friends and do something different so I guess I can put my time and energy into that
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