Bunzoffunz Posted February 21, 2014 Posted February 21, 2014 Hi- This is my first post. I have been reading a lot and have learned a great deal from everyone. I get the concept of NC but I just don't even feel like going out there and working on myself. It seems like I have lost interest in everything I used to like. My ex and I have both been through this cycle before. This is the first time I have heard of the whole NC rule and I am going to do it. He probably will freak out as I am the communicator and have always been the one to say that stonewalling is disrespectful. My question is this.... What if BOTH people are trying to utilize the NC rule at the same time? Seems to me that if both people are, then neither on will make first contact. He did contact me though two days ago to tell me some sad family news. I didn't know about NC so I responded with "I am sorry to hear that"... He wrote back "me too" and I haven't texted or made contact in two days since then. It is killing me. We broke up because I asked him to set me free if he isn't willing to work on our relationship. He turned it on me saying that he hopes that I can find the type of guy that I am looking for....sorry that he isn't what I want and all that. It was way off the mark but it was also okay as I know he isn't at a place to be in a long term committed relationship. He says "just because I'm not capable at the moment doesn't mean that I don't want to be"..... Says he loves me and wants to be with me and all that but I know those are just words. Ahhhhh he has it in him but I need to step aside and let him figure it out for himself. It's just so hard. I miss and love the guy. Any words of strength and wisdom are needed!
lvroflife Posted February 22, 2014 Posted February 22, 2014 You don't want to work on yourself because you are sad! Give yourself a few days to be sad, but then force yourself to do little things and it will build up to larger things. This whole process is one day at a time. The NC rule is for you to focus on you and heal yourself. He knows you want to be with him so do not worry about making first contact. Give yourself 1-2 months of NC and freedom and see where you are then!
KevinC Posted February 22, 2014 Posted February 22, 2014 As Ivroflife has said NC is for you, for you to heal, he may freak out, he may not, thats not the point. Its hard i know, i am one week in and struggling but i know its the right thing to do. We broke up 1 month ago and those three weeks of texts and over analizing and false hopes is not the way to do it. You can do it, you are stronger than you think!
Recommended Posts