Arvin_Solheim Posted February 21, 2014 Posted February 21, 2014 (edited) Hi, I feel pretty silly coming to this website because I never thought I'd be in this state, usually in my life I was the one cheating and if people were behaving shady around me I always knew the reason: anyway I don't want to bore you so I'll just skip to the important matters.... I've been in a relationship for 2 years; we've had our ups and downs(I cheated on her and she forgave me) despite that singular ugly month most of the relationship has simply been bliss; I was new to this city that I'm living in and every single person I dated turned to be a total nuisance until she came along; with the same family level in terms of education and wealth, same views on politics, religion etc.... She is the nicest person I've ever met and the fact that she was attracted to me in the first place was weird because I'm not nice at all, I'm condescending, blunt, a bit anti-social and cold....I've changed a lot since I've been with her and nowadays I believe I am the very image of the man she always desired(a good personality alongside wealth and appearance). but the relationship feels odd lately, she acts differently; before when I didn't pay much attention to her she got mad and engaged herself with me until I stopped doing what I was doing to spend more time with her but now she encourages me to do things she never wanted me doing when she was around or free..... we haven't had sex for over 2 weeks after our anniversary and it isn't for the lack of trying, she is never in the mood and complains about pain in her nether regions or what not! I have asked her what the problem is but she just complains about the stuff that have been bothering her for a long time and what is odd is that she didn't care about those problems before(Now they are suddenly important). we practically live together but she spends the night at her parents most nights(been this way since the beginning of the relationship) she comes much later than she used to and she sleeps earlier and "claims" to wake up much later than she always did.... before she slept from 2 A.M to 8 A.M but lately she sleeps at 12 and wakes up at 11!(which I find weird since I know you just can't change your sleeping habits) she's still nice and does nice things but I have this gut feeling that something is not right....she once told me that "If after two years of me behaving like this hasn't proven to you that I can never cheat on anyone, I don't know what will convince you" when I casually said that cheating is a possibility for everyone and no one can be 100% sure. I'm usually good at understanding this stuff but I know that she is a great liar and I cannot tell the difference when she lies or tells the truth.... I usually have attention defecate and don't notice things but the fact that I can notice these things is starting to worry me....Your help would be appreciated. Sorry it went for too long. Edited February 21, 2014 by Arvin_Solheim
No Limit Posted February 21, 2014 Posted February 21, 2014 If you took yourself the freedom to cheat on her, it might very well be that she's considering to take that freedom as well. Although I'm not really sure how different sleeping habits are a sign for cheating. All I can tell from your description of things; she's loosing her attraction for you. Caring less and less. Good luck.
Author Arvin_Solheim Posted February 21, 2014 Author Posted February 21, 2014 If you took yourself the freedom to cheat on her, it might very well be that she's considering to take that freedom as well. Although I'm not really sure how different sleeping habits are a sign for cheating. All I can tell from your description of things; she's loosing her attraction for you. Caring less and less. Good luck. I've done impossible things to make up for what I did and I think I have; she even told me a few days ago that she has forgiven me(which I feel paranoid about as well because once she said she can never forgive me completely) and her sleeping habits worry me because she may be lying about them.
oldshirt Posted February 21, 2014 Posted February 21, 2014 If you sense something is wrong there usually is. You haven't said anything that's a smoking gun for cheating but she could very well be feeling disconnected and losing attracting and connection with you.
veritas lux mea Posted February 21, 2014 Posted February 21, 2014 Well that was a silly statement by her. People cheat after years and years of being with someone all the time. I didn't cheat the first two years and I still ended up cheating. As the first cheater it is hard to talk about it. Maybe she is sick and one of those people who won't go to the doctor unless there dying. Illness can cause all those symptoms. Or she is cheating.
troubadour Posted February 22, 2014 Posted February 22, 2014 There is no reason to think she is cheating but she is clearly losing interest in you. My guess is she is considering her options and when she finds someone she likes.... she will just let you go.
Author Arvin_Solheim Posted February 22, 2014 Author Posted February 22, 2014 There is no reason to think she is cheating but she is clearly losing interest in you. My guess is she is considering her options and when she finds someone she likes.... she will just let you go. That's even scarier....I went to great lengths to ensure she'd stay with me after she found out that I've been unfaithful, and here I thought I had fixed everything and we were going to be have no trouble down the road..... What bothers me is that did she really care for the arsehole in me? I'm pretty much the same person as I was before, I'm less of a jerk and more attentive; from a logical point of view she shouldn't be losing interest since I've improved greatly in all aspects that can matter to a human being(income, personality etc....) Should I sit her down and talk to her about this? about my concerns? wouldn't that worsen the situation?
BHsigh Posted February 22, 2014 Posted February 22, 2014 That's even scarier....I went to great lengths to ensure she'd stay with me after she found out that I've been unfaithful, and here I thought I had fixed everything and we were going to be have no trouble down the road..... What bothers me is that did she really care for the arsehole in me? I'm pretty much the same person as I was before, I'm less of a jerk and more attentive; from a logical point of view she shouldn't be losing interest since I've improved greatly in all aspects that can matter to a human being(income, personality etc....) Should I sit her down and talk to her about this? about my concerns? wouldn't that worsen the situation? Of course you should sit her down and talk about your concerns, communication is the number one thing that should be focused on in any relationship. Ignoring or waiting will not make the problem go away. I have to agree that she is losing interest in you, and it's very possible that she hasn't moved past your affair, they are very damaging to people. Two years isn't very much time in the long run, it's been almost two years since I found out about my wife's affair and it still causes me pain almost every day, it all depends on the person though. There may not be anything at all that you can do to alleviate this. You'll have to talk to her about that to know for sure. I will contradict one thing that you said though, there are people that can be 100% sure that they won't cheat, some people are unable to go that far, the problem is knowing that it actually applies to that person, even in their own mind. 1
Author Arvin_Solheim Posted February 24, 2014 Author Posted February 24, 2014 I did talk to her and she emphasised on how it is still impossible for her to lose interest in me; she went on in length about how lucky she is to have me and despite my reputation and the things I've done I'm probably the best man she has ever seen(I know she was exaggerating) she told me that I'm wrong and she's only a little worried about her plans and that's what's making her be less attentive, since the day we talked she tried acting differently and has been like her former self, I want to believe her and I feel like I do but I'm still not sure whether I should allow myself to be manipulated(in case she's trying to do that).
The Samurai Posted February 24, 2014 Posted February 24, 2014 Don't let your thoughts and (imaginations) affect your relationship with her. Just enjoy it with her and try your best to be the MAN she wants!
RightThere Posted February 24, 2014 Posted February 24, 2014 That's even scarier....I went to great lengths to ensure she'd stay with me after she found out that I've been unfaithful, and here I thought I had fixed everything and we were going to be have no trouble down the road..... How long ago did you cheat? I highly doubt if you've been together for only 2 years and if you cheated somewhere in the middle that you're been able to "fix" anything. And by "she found out that I've been unfaithful" I'll assume you got busted?
troubadour Posted February 25, 2014 Posted February 25, 2014 I did talk to her and she emphasised on how it is still impossible for her to lose interest in me; she went on in length about how lucky she is to have me and despite my reputation and the things I've done I'm probably the best man she has ever seen(I know she was exaggerating) she told me that I'm wrong and she's only a little worried about her plans and that's what's making her be less attentive, since the day we talked she tried acting differently and has been like her former self, I want to believe her and I feel like I do but I'm still not sure whether I should allow myself to be manipulated(in case she's trying to do that). Did she actually say any of this? I find it really hard to believe.
Author Arvin_Solheim Posted February 25, 2014 Author Posted February 25, 2014 Did she actually say any of this? I find it really hard to believe. she did, why would I lie? I came here for advice, there's no point in lying. :-??
Author Arvin_Solheim Posted February 25, 2014 Author Posted February 25, 2014 (edited) How long ago did you cheat? I highly doubt if you've been together for only 2 years and if you cheated somewhere in the middle that you're been able to "fix" anything. And by "she found out that I've been unfaithful" I'll assume you got busted? we have been together for 2 years, actually our anniversary was around a month ago; it was about 11 months back that I cheated, I had cheated before but she had no idea about those; this time the idiot that I cheated with kept calling me and eventually my girlfriend became suspicious; she left me but I convinced her to come back and I tried to fix things the best I could and she helped me fix things....I know that she's still hurt; who wouldn't be? I was cheated on once when I was a teenager and I'm still pissed about it. Edited February 25, 2014 by Arvin_Solheim
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