He left when things got tough, why do I want him back so bad?

[dollbutik]

Hi 4everalone, your story is exactly the same like me, but instead hes the one who leave my country to go back home forever after 2 years relationship

 

How are you coping with the NC? How long have you been doing NC? is it successful? Does he contact you?

[mantlefan]

That's so true. I still love my ex and miss him like crazy. But if he ever comes back, I don't think I'll be able to be in a relationship with him again, I don't think I can trust him again. It's at these tough times that you know who really matters in your life. Any if someone doesn't stick around when things get tough, then, they sure as hell don't deserve to be with you when life treats you well again.

 

Still, breakups are tough, and I still carry so much love for my ex. I just have no respect for him!

 

 

I must have at some point logged onto this person's account, and changed the "her's" in the post to "him's!" There is something that feels peaceful about not being alone.

[4everalones]

There is something that feels peaceful about not being alone.

 

Indeed. This forum is helping me a lot. My friends got sick of hearing about this after a month. Only people who have been through the same can understand, and sympathize.

[4everalones]

Hi 4everalone, your story is exactly the same like me, but instead hes the one who leave my country to go back home forever after 2 years relationship

 

How are you coping with the NC? How long have you been doing NC? is it successful? Does he contact you?

 

I did no contact for about 3 weeks, and to be honest, I was holding on to hope like there was no tomorrow. He made absolutely no effort at all to contact me. I broke no contact and asked him to meet me to "say goodbye in person". He was cold and distant, it looks like he doesn't care anymore and has moved on. It was like I was dealing with a different person. He was not the person I fell in love with It was devastating. What hurts is that it's so easy for him to do so. I still struggle and think of him every minute of the day no matter what I do. He was the one talking about marriage and forever. I was stupid enough to believe words rather than actions!!

 

I started NC again, and it's been 5 days since I met him. It's very very hard. I have to fight the urge to contact him every minute of the day (especially that I don't have a job now). But it's the right thing to do. I only hope it will get easier with time, and that I'll get out of this stronger and wiser. But right now, it's a living hell!

 

I will not break my vow of silence again. I will retain what's left of my dignity. Trust me, if they cared enough about us, they would have done anything to be with us. They have done what's best for them, they took the easy way out. It's time to pick up the pieces, learn a valuable lesson, and move on with our lives.

[singme2sleep]

In other words, many people expect relationships to always feel "in love" without any work at all. It's a very hands-off approach to relationships where they put in effort when it's easy and they "feel it", but pull away as soon as it becomes difficult.

 

I completely and utterly agree!

[picnicinthepark]

...I learned long ago that most people don't deal with temporarily lulls well. Relationships are incredibly conditional, and people only want to stick with it as long as they feel that magnetic "pull". As soon as the romantic connection begins to fade, very few are willing to put the effort in to fix it.

 

In other words, many people expect relationships to always feel "in love" without any work at all. It's a very hands-off approach to relationships where they put in effort when it's easy and they "feel it", but pull away as soon as it becomes difficult.

 

I for one do not have this mentality and I never have. Relationships aren't easy, they're not supposed to be. I would have done anything for her.

 

Do you think that my ex (and people in general who have this mentality) will ever learn from this or will they just go on living their lives looking for that "easy" relationship? We were together for almost 5 years and didn't really have problems until the last few months we were living together (lived together for over a year). It almost seems like a pride thing. Maybe they do realize how simple the fix was but because of their pride they can't bother to try to reconcile? I'm just grasping at straws... I'm still hoping she'll reach out to me. I clearly haven't let go...

[Never Again]

I don't hold that view either, but that doesn't mean it's any less true.

 

I mean, what's the underlying theme of the thread?

 

Times got tough and nearly each poster here lost their confidence or "mojo" in some way...and their ex didn't find that attractive and left.

 

I mean, that's why toxic relationships thrive I suppose - at least one side, usually the abuser, has unmitigated self-confidence, and the abused cannot stay away because they find it too alluring.

[4everalones]

I for one do not have this mentality and I never have. Relationships aren't easy, they're not supposed to be. I would have done anything for her.

 

I think that's the main reason I'm struggling right now. I was raised to face my problems and solve them (not run away). I was dealing with people thinking they think the same way. I learned that it takes years to know a person for who they really are, I learned to trust people's actions rather than their words, I learned to not overlook the small hints and walk away when I feel that someone doesn't care, I learned not to fall so easily and so quickly for someone and make them the center of my world!

 

But, what's really frustrating is that even by learning these important lessons, I am still holding on to the hope that he'll come back. He made no effort whatsoever to reconcile or even communicate. Not sure if it's a pride thing, or he just moved on. I am upset with myself for feeling this way. I wish I could resent or hate my ex, I wish I could be angry at him, I wish I would not want him by my side anymore... but the sad truth is, I am still holding on to false hope after being shut down so many times. I keep on wondering what the hell is wrong with me!!! That's just pathetic

Edited February 26, 2014 by 4everalones

[4everalones]

I'm at the airport now, leaving the country in an hour. I'm having breakdown and can't stop crying. He knows I'm leaving today, he didn't even take the time to say goodbye, no phone call, and not even a msg. Oh God, I feel like dying. I want to call him now, scream at him, tell him how much I'm hurting, how much, how much I miss him, and what a coward jerk he is for not even texting me goodbye. I don't know what to do anymore. Should I call? I don't know. How could he just stop caring so easily? Forget all our memories and love we shared? He wouldn't even say a word. Oh wow! How could someone spend so much time with you, build dreams with you, and forget that you exit overnight.

 

Everyone at the airport is looking at me. I feel pathetic and weak. I can't stop crying. What's wrong with me? and would it be so bad to call one last time?

[jphcbpa]

let it out...who cares what others think.

 

lean into your feelings.

 

NO DO NOT CONTACT HIM!!!!!!

 

stay with us...

[4everalones]

I want to call so bad. Why is this happening to me? why doesn't he care at all? Was it all a lie? Why did he not even call to say goodbye? ay least as a friend.

 

My entire body is shaking, I threw up twice, and I haven't stopped crying for 2 hours now. I don't know what's happening to me!

[Itspointless]

I hope you have arrived well?

[4everalones]

Made it back to my home country. Didn't break NC. It's time to see a therapist and get my life on track again.

 

Thank you all for the support