Hopeful30 Posted February 21, 2014 Posted February 21, 2014 ..if you don't see a future with a woman within the first 6 months, then you never really will? I have a friend who knew right away he really liked the girl and saw a future, it's been one month and they're engaged and buying a house. I have another friend who is engaged to his longtime girlfriend but only proposed because "it's what you do after being with someone for so long" (his words). Some men just marry or settle down because "well... we're at that phase" meanwhile others see a future with a woman almost right away and end up having happier relationships. Is it true that if you don't see a future and have some feelings of interest right away then you won't really have them later on but instead feel "attachment" love? Just that I know so many guys on many ends of the spectrum, and the one's who didn't see a future right away never really end up wanting one but do it "just cuz". And those that fall inlove and have romantic interest from the beginning are more committed and happier.
Keenly Posted February 21, 2014 Posted February 21, 2014 Six months ? Huh? I need at least a year and a half before I even start THINKING about the rest of my life with her. You do not know some one fully in six months, so to make that kind of decision prematurely can be a deadly mistake. 2
Author Hopeful30 Posted February 21, 2014 Author Posted February 21, 2014 Six months ? Huh? I need at least a year and a half before I even start THINKING about the rest of my life with her. You do not know some one fully in six months, so to make that kind of decision prematurely can be a deadly mistake. Some people would say you've never been in love then, because when you're inlove these thoughts just come naturally and not after nearly 2 years but quickly after lol 1
TaraMaiden Posted February 21, 2014 Posted February 21, 2014 My ex-h and I dated 2 years before we decided 'this was it'. My now-husband and I knew within a week. 10 years later, still together.... 4
GoreSP Posted February 21, 2014 Posted February 21, 2014 Some people would say you've never been in love then, because when you're inlove these thoughts just come naturally and not after nearly 2 years but quickly after lol I call bull. I was totally in love with my ex. I was gonna marry that man and we were going to have a happy little family. Had you asked me 6 months into the relationship, I would have been 'oh yeah! totallly! we're going to be together forever' we moved in together after 10 months. To hell if I'm going to make that mistake again.
Author Hopeful30 Posted February 21, 2014 Author Posted February 21, 2014 I call bull. I was totally in love with my ex. I was gonna marry that man and we were going to have a happy little family. Had you asked me 6 months into the relationship, I would have been 'oh yeah! totallly! we're going to be together forever' we moved in together after 10 months. To hell if I'm going to make that mistake again. But was he also in love with you? This is more geared towards men though. Women can always grow to love a man. A man either loves a woman or he doesn't. "Attachment" love doesn't count to me.
GoreSP Posted February 21, 2014 Posted February 21, 2014 But was he also in love with you? This is more geared towards men though. Women can always grow to love a man. A man either loves a woman or he doesn't. "Attachment" love doesn't count to me. Oh, yes he was.
Keenly Posted February 21, 2014 Posted February 21, 2014 Some people would say you've never been in love then, because when you're inlove these thoughts just come naturally and not after nearly 2 years but quickly after lol Perhaps you are confusing love with infatuation. After six months... that's not love, that's infatuation. You barely know this person , you've seen their good side. You have not seen their flaws and imperfections yet. You have not seen how they handle their finances or what they do when no one is looking. There's no need to rush when making a decision that's intended to last a lifetime. In fact I think its counterintuitive to rush into that decision.
TaraMaiden Posted February 21, 2014 Posted February 21, 2014 But was he also in love with you? This is more geared towards men though. Women can always grow to love a man. Bovine Scatology. Just as much as this - A man either loves a woman or he doesn't. is... "Attachment" love doesn't count to me. Any kind of 'affection for anything/one, is 'attachment'.
BradJacobs Posted February 21, 2014 Posted February 21, 2014 In fact I think its counterintuitive to rush into that decision. Of course it is but then again love has never been accused of being rational.
BradJacobs Posted February 21, 2014 Posted February 21, 2014 ..if you don't see a future with a woman within the first 6 months, then you never really will? That has been true in my case. I saw a future with the girl that I'm seeing right now within two months. If I had not seen it, I would not be with her as I am past the point where flings and fun sex-only relationships interest me.
Phantom888 Posted February 21, 2014 Posted February 21, 2014 Depends on how old you are and at what point of life you are. If I were in my 20s, I would not be able to say with confidence that 6 months is enough time to determine if I'll have a future with a girl. But now I'm in my late 30s, I think it is reasonable to be able to tell with certainty within 6 months of dating. The reason is that with life experience you know what you prefer and what is proven bad for you. So you tend to seek those qualities that you know for a fact would suit you. When I met my GF, I knew very quickly that she is THE ONE. I have never felt this way ever before, and I've been married and dated for many years. You tend to be more sure when you are older. After my divorce I dated several women. If I didn't see a future with them within 4-6 months, I break it off. No point in dating if there is no future. So for men in their 30s who have had enough experience, they would certainly know within 6 months if you are the one for them. 2
TaraMaiden Posted February 21, 2014 Posted February 21, 2014 Of course it is but then again love has never been accused of being rational.Love is completely rational. It's the people involved who complicate it and make it IRrational.
Ruby Slippers Posted February 21, 2014 Posted February 21, 2014 I think both men and women know almost immediately if this person COULD be the one. Kind of like - if you walk into a house, you know pretty fast whether this COULD be your dream home or not, if you could be very happy and fulfilled living in that house for the rest of your life. You might say a firm no, a lukewarm maybe, a strong maybe, or a firm yes. Of course you have to get to know them better to back up your initial impression, and you may find you're really not that compatible. Just like you have to open all the doors of the house, walk up the stairs, and examine the foundation to make sure everything is structurally sound and pleasing. I think most people feel anywhere from lukewarm to strong maybe about a new romantic prospect. It's very rare that someone feels a strong yes right away, and even rarer that both people feel that immediate yes. And there are no guarantees. I feel a RAGING YES with my last boyfriend the minute we met. But it turned out that even though we had a lot of love between us, we were too different to sustain a lasting relationship. I also think that as you mature and get to know yourself and what you want in life more, you get much better at sizing someone up faster. I went to a songwriting contest that a friend of mine was in last night, and talked to a lot of people throughout the evening, mostly this one guy, a musician who competed that night. We talked a lot over a couple of beers, and once we closed down the joint, he asked if I wanted to go get some food, which we did. He told me over dinner that he was attracted to me, I said the same, and then he drove me home and gave me a kiss good night. He seems cool and interesting, and I'm excited because we're talking about working on some music projects together and are already trading mp3s of our stuff. I've drifted away from music (one of my greatest loves) because I've been focused hard core on running my start-up business for the past 4 years. I always long to get back to music, and keep a toe in the water, but feel I need to stay focused on the "grownup" stuff. What I feel about this man for a romantic relationship is a moderate maybe, for a few reasons. What I feel a strong YES about is our potential to have a very fruitful, fun, and inspiring creative partnership. I feel pretty sure that my intuition is right here. I think most people have a strong sense for the possibilities right away - but a lot of people don't trust their intuition, again for many different reasons. 1
StanMusial Posted February 21, 2014 Posted February 21, 2014 I never messed around much (except here and there) with girls that I saw NO potential with. Sometimes they can prove you wrong obviously but that's just part of the process. In my opinion, a year is a good rule of thumb for normal, experienced people to make a judgement on the next step.
organizedchaos Posted February 21, 2014 Posted February 21, 2014 Some people would say you've never been in love then, because when you're inlove these thoughts just come naturally and not after nearly 2 years but quickly after lol Wrong. Being in love with someone doesn't mean you've now decided to spend the rest of your life with them. You still need to spend more time finding out if you're compatible long term. 1
Tayken Posted February 21, 2014 Posted February 21, 2014 ..if you don't see a future with a woman within the first 6 months, then you never really will? I have a friend who knew right away he really liked the girl and saw a future, it's been one month and they're engaged and buying a house. I have another friend who is engaged to his longtime girlfriend but only proposed because "it's what you do after being with someone for so long" (his words). Some men just marry or settle down because "well... we're at that phase" meanwhile others see a future with a woman almost right away and end up having happier relationships. Is it true that if you don't see a future and have some feelings of interest right away then you won't really have them later on but instead feel "attachment" love? Just that I know so many guys on many ends of the spectrum, and the one's who didn't see a future right away never really end up wanting one but do it "just cuz". And those that fall inlove and have romantic interest from the beginning are more committed and happier. Hmmmm...Have you been reading Marie Claire again?
soccerrprp Posted February 22, 2014 Posted February 22, 2014 Well, everyone is different. Told my late wife I loved her after 2-weeks of dating. Hand in marriage within 3-months after that. Married 9-months after that. Didn't tell gf I loved her until 8-months after having met. Will be asking her later this Spring/Summer, so a little after 2-years of having known her. We have no intention of having a silly lengthy engagement, so planning to get married within a year of the engagement. Different.
Leigh 87 Posted February 22, 2014 Posted February 22, 2014 (edited) My boyfriend is 30. He said he knew within a month that I was a woman he wants to marry. Like "wow this is the girl I want to marry" sort of thing. And he knows about me getting therapy and my shortcomings. With his ex, he said it took him a few months before he thought about marriage. .. and even then it was just a passing thought. . Nothing serious. I don't date guys who aren't really into me, who take more than 3 months to fall in love with me and who don't think I'm the one early on. Edited February 22, 2014 by Leigh 87 2
Weezy1973 Posted February 22, 2014 Posted February 22, 2014 People who get married within the first three months of knowing also have the highest divorce rate. Knowing right away is utterly meaningless - mostly because a lifelong marriage has pretty much nothing to do with the infatuation that happens early on. The infatuation phase by definition makes people overlook potential problems that may happen in the relationship - which is why those marriages rarely last. I'm not saying none of those marriages last - clearly some do! But the statistics indicate that for the most part, people who "know" right away, actually know nothing. 2
Phantom888 Posted February 22, 2014 Posted February 22, 2014 Wrong. Being in love with someone doesn't mean you've now decided to spend the rest of your life with them. You still need to spend more time finding out if you're compatible long term. I disagree. If you are in love with someone, you would want to build a future with that person. What is the point of loving someone and not see that person in your future. That's contradictory. That's not real love. True love involves commitment for now and the future. If you are not ready to confirm whether or not you are compatible long term, then you are not really in love yet. Yeah some girl can have a huge crush on a bad boy, and know deep down inside that they are not compatible. Hence that is not true love. 2
LostConfused123 Posted February 22, 2014 Posted February 22, 2014 My aunt met (Uncle Rick) and they married two weeks after meeting. She was 28, he was 32. 35 years later they are still happily married. Yes, happily. I think this is extremely rare. She's the first to admit it's almost a miracle and she would be very upset if her daughter did the same thing. The weird thing is, neither of them is particularly adventurous or wild. Quite the opposite. They got married, bought a home, had two kids and lived happily ever after. Never heard of something like this before or since. I think it's extremely rare. But all the same, I'm happy for them 1
Tayken Posted February 22, 2014 Posted February 22, 2014 Well, everyone is different. Told my late wife I loved her after 2-weeks of dating. Hand in marriage within 3-months after that. Married 9-months after that. Didn't tell gf I loved her until 8-months after having met. Will be asking her later this Spring/Summer, so a little after 2-years of having known her. We have no intention of having a silly lengthy engagement, so planning to get married within a year of the engagement. Different. Freudian slip? He said he knew within a month that I was a woman he wants to marry. Like you will say..."I think he might be just after sex". I'll be wary if I were you Just saying
Smthn_Like_Olivia Posted February 22, 2014 Posted February 22, 2014 Depends on how old you are and at what point of life you are. If I were in my 20s, I would not be able to say with confidence that 6 months is enough time to determine if I'll have a future with a girl. But now I'm in my late 30s, I think it is reasonable to be able to tell with certainty within 6 months of dating. The reason is that with life experience you know what you prefer and what is proven bad for you. So you tend to seek those qualities that you know for a fact would suit you. When I met my GF, I knew very quickly that she is THE ONE. I have never felt this way ever before, and I've been married and dated for many years. You tend to be more sure when you are older. After my divorce I dated several women. If I didn't see a future with them within 4-6 months, I break it off. No point in dating if there is no future. So for men in their 30s who have had enough experience, they would certainly know within 6 months if you are the one for them. ^^^THIS!! Same situation here. After my divorce, I swore that I NEVER wanted to marry again. I've been with a man just under 4 months now, and he has said several times that he, without a doubt, wants to spend the rest of his life with me. We're both mid to late 30s, and both have been to hell and back with bad marriages, relationships, etc. If anything, life experiences can make you more critical of a potential mate. What we have is the most incredible relationship I've ever experienced, and I KNOW that it's not infatuation when I picture us still together many years down the road. 3
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