MorbidFever Posted February 21, 2014 Posted February 21, 2014 He's playing games again. I am totally at peace and we are on our second NC going on 2 months now. We haven't even talked on the phone since September and had pretty much NO communication since then. Limited emails and texts here and there and full on 4 months of no contact except for a couple emails. So basically, it's been HALF A YEAR since we ended things. I've been interested in someone else and finally feel FREE. A couple days ago his mom liked a post on my business Facebook page. I know he had her do it. Why else would she. She wouldn't. Last night I had a huge argument with him in my dream and woke up crying. Now I can't stop thinking of him again. Why?? Why did he f'ing do this?? I so want to tell him off. I'm so pissed off. I don't see the point of him doing this to me. Is it revenge? What. Why can't they just leave us alone?? Thanks for reading my vent..no other outlet.
Goodbye Posted February 21, 2014 Posted February 21, 2014 I don't know. My exMM is doing the same crap and it has scraped the top off of my healing wound. I forced NC back in Sept. In December he started sending me messages on my gmail...I told him to leave me alone. Recently he sent a letter to my house via fed ex...of course I read the stupid thing. Saying the same stuff...how much he LOVES me, I'm the love of his life he just can't leave his wife YET because of XYZ. Such crap. Now, almost 1 year since seeing him for the last time, I am once again debated contacting his wife to give her the nitty gritty on her DH's status. But, then I feel like that is failure, stooping low, letting him get back under my skin, and in a way, back into my heart. 1
rumbleseat Posted February 21, 2014 Posted February 21, 2014 Maybe it's as simple as wanting what he doesn't have?
goodyblue Posted February 21, 2014 Posted February 21, 2014 I don't know. My exMM is doing the same crap and it has scraped the top off of my healing wound. I forced NC back in Sept. In December he started sending me messages on my gmail...I told him to leave me alone. Recently he sent a letter to my house via fed ex...of course I read the stupid thing. Saying the same stuff...how much he LOVES me, I'm the love of his life he just can't leave his wife YET because of XYZ. Such crap. Now, almost 1 year since seeing him for the last time, I am once again debated contacting his wife to give her the nitty gritty on her DH's status. But, then I feel like that is failure, stooping low, letting him get back under my skin, and in a way, back into my heart. This is one of the few times I would agree with contacting the wife. I would simply send the letter he sent, fedex, to her. Tell her he won't leave you alone even after initiating no contact and trying to end it. BS's are right about this point: once you do this, she'll have him on such a short leash that he won't be able to contact you. Plus, he'll hate you for doing it. So if you are serious, it's worth a shot. 3
RickFox Posted February 21, 2014 Posted February 21, 2014 Because they know that for the most part, it works. OP, c'mon, you were never truly NC, even the little emails kept the door open, because if you were done you wouldn't have responded. Women are emotionally driven, you know this, you're women, and a man who understands this will go for the emotional jugular. If there is a response, he knows the hook has landed. I put something on my fb pic two years after xmw and I ended, something only she would get. I didn't expect her to see it but within an hour after doing it, she responded. She even told me after my dday to leave her alone and never talk to her, which I had done. But this one bit of indirect contact and she reached out..... why check my fb all the damn time if you dont want anything to do with me..... bottom line, she contacted me. IF they can get a response, they know there's a shot again, pull that emotional chord, even if it's a leave me the eff alone, that door gets opened. Goodbye seems to have a handle on it. To the OP, it's okay, it really does take longer than 6 months, NC or not, to truly get over someone who means allot to you. 2
AlwaysGrowing Posted February 21, 2014 Posted February 21, 2014 I don't know. My exMM is doing the same crap and it has scraped the top off of my healing wound. I forced NC back in Sept. In December he started sending me messages on my gmail...I told him to leave me alone. Recently he sent a letter to my house via fed ex...of course I read the stupid thing. Saying the same stuff...how much he LOVES me, I'm the love of his life he just can't leave his wife YET because of XYZ. Such crap. Now, almost 1 year since seeing him for the last time, I am once again debated contacting his wife to give her the nitty gritty on her DH's status. But, then I feel like that is failure, stooping low, letting him get back under my skin, and in a way, back into my heart. I would not view it as getting under your skin at all. I would view it as a natural/logical consequence of the NC that you requested. A way to enforce your stated boundary. Next step would be to inform the police. Try not to view it as scraping off the wound, view it as him attempting to do that and you refusing to give him the reaction he is looking for. Don't let it scrap the wound. Empower yourself.
Rollercoaster Rider Posted February 21, 2014 Posted February 21, 2014 I don't know. My exMM is doing the same crap and it has scraped the top off of my healing wound. I forced NC back in Sept. In December he started sending me messages on my gmail...I told him to leave me alone. Recently he sent a letter to my house via fed ex...of course I read the stupid thing. Saying the same stuff...how much he LOVES me, I'm the love of his life he just can't leave his wife YET because of XYZ. Such crap. Now, almost 1 year since seeing him for the last time, I am once again debated contacting his wife to give her the nitty gritty on her DH's status. But, then I feel like that is failure, stooping low, letting him get back under my skin, and in a way, back into my heart. I wish I had those answers as well. 18 months since his d-day... 3 months since I seen him, and 9 weeks of NC...and he shows up at of nowhere. Basically he followed me. Now calling daily. Don't know what the hell he wants. But, I am talking back so, I'm just as bad. But, cannot figure out why he showed up.....
herself Posted February 21, 2014 Posted February 21, 2014 I wish I had those answers as well. 18 months since his d-day... 3 months since I seen him, and 9 weeks of NC...and he shows up at of nowhere. Basically he followed me. Now calling daily. Don't know what the hell he wants. But, I am talking back so, I'm just as bad. But, cannot figure out why he showed up..... I feel like its because they (we) can love two people, but the safest love is always gonna win out, but the forbidden love still exists and if it was real, it doesnt fade but guilt will cause them to deny it, drama will also overshadow & suffocate the love until it dies between AP's because its already a risk, and its hard on both parties to live double lives, so if it is no longerfun & easy, he is running back to ssafety. ....but IMO will still miss her (you) 1
SarahJames Posted February 21, 2014 Posted February 21, 2014 I believe I had read this previously on this site: The reason that the MM continue to try to get back in your life is because they have limited options. Sure, they can flirt with other women, try to bed them, etc. but the fact is that it's really not easy to get a woman who knows you're M to have a long term sexual relationship with you. We (OW) tend to allow ourselves to let our guard down in a vulnerable time, but if someone approached you while you were in a clear state of mind and said to you, "hey, I'm married but I can't help but be so attracted to you. Let's grab a drink" what are the odds you'd say "sure!"? There is also the possibility that he keeps trying because he did actually feel a certain way about you - but clearly it wasn't a strong enough feeling to get him to leave the BS. So, we as OW win "second place". No one wants second place. Let's face it, as OW we are replaceable...it's just not THAT easy to find a replacement for the "naive" slot. I didn't mean for this reply to come off as harsh, but I often wondered the same thing you're wondering and I needed to be harsh on myself to get over him. 5
txgrl Posted February 22, 2014 Posted February 22, 2014 One like from his mom on your business fb and it makes you cry . That's why! he wants a response from you and if you don't give it to him , eventually he will stop . Been there, done that. 1
jwi71 Posted February 22, 2014 Posted February 22, 2014 He's playing games again. I am totally at peace and we are on our second NC going on 2 months now. We haven't even talked on the phone since September and had pretty much NO communication since then. Limited emails and texts here and there and full on 4 months of no contact except for a couple emails. So basically, it's been HALF A YEAR since we ended things. I've been interested in someone else and finally feel FREE. As pointed out by a previous poster...you AREN'T NC. NC is...NC...not the intermittent emails and texts you fess up to. This is called...leaving the door on YOUR part. (ego is so often a frail thing) A couple days ago his mom liked a post on my business Facebook page. I know he had her do it. Why else would she. She wouldn't. Last night I had a huge argument with him in my dream and woke up crying. Now I can't stop thinking of him again. Why?? Why did he f'ing do this?? Because YOU LET HIM. YOU have not blocked his means of contacting you so the method itself is unhindered and you GIVE him the emotional energy as well. He does it because he CAN (not blocked) and you let him (still attached). Why then does he do it? Maybe he is masturbating his ego. Maybe he is fishing for a quickie. Both? In any case, I highly doubt he is doing for any other benefit than his own. What a great guy he sounds. Why can't they just leave us alone?? Since he is PROVING that he is 1) not thinking of YOUR best interest or 2) clueless into the affect this would have....I'm not seeing ANY redeeming values in leaving those doors open...so block and delete. Cut off his access. And, for Pete's sake...stop CONTACTING him. You're JUST as guilty in my eyes. Its hard to say "he won't leave us alone" when you REPLY. MY advice in sum....block, delete and begin to deal with this at an emotional level...its hard to try and sweep this under the rug and forget about it - got to face it and deal with the trauma. 2
rumbleseat Posted February 22, 2014 Posted February 22, 2014 If he loves you or cares for your feelings, then why can't he respect your wishes? More than likely he knows he's getting a rise out of you, and for whatever selfish reason, he keeps going back and opening the wound even though he knows it hurts you. Try looking at it this way. Take the fact that he is married off the table. If he was single and acting like this, what would you do? How would you handle this unwanted contact? 1
SunshineToday Posted February 22, 2014 Posted February 22, 2014 Agree!! ^^ I mean really people. How hard is it to say F-OFF? Block the calls and don't respond. That is NC. ANYTHING less and your still clinging. Hard line works. 3
lilmisscantbewrong Posted February 22, 2014 Posted February 22, 2014 Because they know that for the most part, it works. OP, c'mon, you were never truly NC, even the little emails kept the door open, because if you were done you wouldn't have responded. Women are emotionally driven, you know this, you're women, and a man who understands this will go for the emotional jugular. If there is a response, he knows the hook has landed. I put something on my fb pic two years after xmw and I ended, something only she would get. I didn't expect her to see it but within an hour after doing it, she responded. She even told me after my dday to leave her alone and never talk to her, which I had done. But this one bit of indirect contact and she reached out..... why check my fb all the damn time if you dont want anything to do with me..... bottom line, she contacted me. IF they can get a response, they know there's a shot again, pull that emotional chord, even if it's a leave me the eff alone, that door gets opened. Goodbye seems to have a handle on it. To the OP, it's okay, it really does take longer than 6 months, NC or not, to truly get over someone who means allot to you. Check your pms Rick - have a question for you.
txgrl Posted February 22, 2014 Posted February 22, 2014 Lolololololol. I kept reading that as PMS .. Lol.
Author MorbidFever Posted February 22, 2014 Author Posted February 22, 2014 By contact here and there, I meant contact since September-October when I said we needed to go NC. Then it was a couple emails in one day towards mid-Dec. then he sent me a happy new year email, which I responded to, unfortunately. Then replied he had to go and one day could talk to me again. I did not respond. So now it's almost 2 months again of zero contact. I cannot block people from a Facebook page. There isn't an option. You can only block from personal pages for some reason. And I know what I have to do and that is to ignore. No way in hell am I writing him about it! Crap, in my dream it was a full blown verbal fight that we were done. He even said so in my dream. So yeah, subconsciously I know it's completely over. And obviously my mind, even when sleeping,is telling me don't! He wouldn't be doing it for a quickie or whatever. We live 1,700 miles apart. If he has something to say, I think he would contact me. So he's either f'ing with me to be cruel maybe he's just bored. I don't get it. And agreed on the lack of respect in doing this. 1
Author MorbidFever Posted February 22, 2014 Author Posted February 22, 2014 Rick, she is constantly checking, because she isn't over you. Someone that had moved on doesn't camp out on someone's FB page. 2
verity123 Posted February 22, 2014 Posted February 22, 2014 I believe I had read this previously on this site: The reason that the MM continue to try to get back in your life is because they have limited options. Sure, they can flirt with other women, try to bed them, etc. but the fact is that it's really not easy to get a woman who knows you're M to have a long term sexual relationship with you. We (OW) tend to allow ourselves to let our guard down in a vulnerable time, but if someone approached you while you were in a clear state of mind and said to you, "hey, I'm married but I can't help but be so attracted to you. Let's grab a drink" what are the odds you'd say "sure!"? There is also the possibility that he keeps trying because he did actually feel a certain way about you - but clearly it wasn't a strong enough feeling to get him to leave the BS. So, we as OW win "second place". No one wants second place. Let's face it, as OW we are replaceable...it's just not THAT easy to find a replacement for the "naive" slot. I didn't mean for this reply to come off as harsh, but I often wondered the same thing you're wondering and I needed to be harsh on myself to get over him. Wow you sure have a low opinion of yourself, Don't speak for everyone thanks I think he is doing it as there is a certain power he feels making you think about him when he is thinking of you.
experiencethedevine Posted February 22, 2014 Posted February 22, 2014 Because in many cases it isn't true that he "doesn't want you". It is very possible to love more than one person. However, in our society commitment can only be made to one person. So it is possible for a MM or MW to fall in love with another person in a way which is as strong or even stronger than the way they feel about their spouse. However, the commitment is to the spouse. That is the part that dictates the future for most men. I don't believe the concept that "men will move mountains to be with the woman they love". Many times a man may love his spouse AND his AP but cannot disrupt the marriage, home, life, etc that he has built with his spouse. So the AP is almost always the loser... and it is NOT always because the MM is a lying, sneaking, jerk who just wants to slither his snake into any willing hole he can find. Unfortunately, the heart sometimes wins over the mind when trying to do "the right thing". None of us are perfect. Oh dear..... There's that 'love' excuse for a self centred wayward AGAIN.................... 1
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