pteromom Posted February 21, 2014 Posted February 21, 2014 Id make damn sure my wife was on the same page as I about working with kids. I tend to be attracted to working women who value independence. If my future wife decided to pull that switch on me, I wouldnt be staying in the same residence with her until she wised up. Im serious too. Id hope smart women my age know that many places require two incomes to raise a family comfortably in this modern era. If a woman didnt want to work, she wouldnt be my woman. I understand needing maternity leave and taking time with the kids. But she wont be doing that for years and years. A lot of women don't realize they want to stay home with the children until they actually have a child. Becoming a mother CHANGES you. It's great to have pre-determined preferences, but hopefully when you are actually in a marriage some day, you will work WITH your wife to negotiate solutions that work for both of you. And if she wants to stay home with the child for a couple years, hopefully you will value your marriage enough to talk to her and make something work. Being rigid is NOT compatible with marriage.
pteromom Posted February 21, 2014 Posted February 21, 2014 But dont make the ignorant assumption that someones a user just because they hit hard times. Don't make the ignorant assumption that just because a woman wishes to stay home with her children that she doesn't value independence. 3
Titania22 Posted February 21, 2014 Posted February 21, 2014 Unemployed females are truly depressing creatures. The female version is usually just a drain, financially, and emotionally. I can feel the burn. I've been looking for work for over a year, because no one is willing to give me a chance, after raising 2 kids for 18years. But I also have my finances in order, and am happy and fun to be around. People genuinely seem to like me, which is strange if I am a truly depressing creature. To the OP, I had a girlfriend who started dating a guy, and straight after they met he was made redundant. He didn't have all the things going for him that you have. He was very average looking and overweight, lived with his parents still (at 30). He got redundancy so he wouldn't even try to find a job for a long time, preferring to sitting in his room playing console games, while his mum brought his sandwiches. Sure it frustrated my girlfriend, who not only had a job but also had a mortgage on an apartment she was buying. Regardless she stuck it out with him and eventually he went back to work and the got married and are still together today (about a decade later). The point is if you really want to find someone, there will be someone willing to give you a shot.
StanMusial Posted February 22, 2014 Posted February 22, 2014 Id make damn sure my wife was on the same page as I about working with kids. I tend to be attracted to working women who value independence. If my future wife decided to pull that switch on me, I wouldnt be staying in the same residence with her until she wised up. Im serious too. Id hope smart women my age know that many places require two incomes to raise a family comfortably in this modern era. If a woman didnt want to work, she wouldnt be my woman. I understand needing maternity leave and taking time with the kids. But she wont be doing that for years and years. Find another guy if thats the case. Because the same thing doesnt happen with a using woman? Users are users. But dont make the ignorant assumption that someones a user just because they hit hard times. I agree 100% with the latter bolded... I was just aiming my commentary at the original premise of the thread. As far as the former bolded, I personally don't have any issue with any woman who decides to raise our kids full-time. I don't have kids, but I hope to someday, and I have enough nephews and nieces to have an idea what it's all about. I know not everyone has the means to afford this luxury, you have to decide what's best for you and your family when that time comes. Anyway, back to the original topic. Consider these two scenarios: First lady is a doctor with a successful family practice, her husband works odd jobs, mainly landscaping. Good-looking guy, smooth in appearance and demeanor but work-shy and shady. Couple of kids come along, he's pushing the stroller with the same group of ladies in the park every day. Ends up banging not one but two of them, they turncoat and the whole thing blows up and goes down in a ball of shet.Second lady is a really intelligent software developer, worked her way up the ladder to Director level in a Fortune 100 company. Hubby goes through jobs like underwear, sells cars one week then cell phones the next week but by and large doesn't work. Couple of kids come along. I see hubby out carousing in the bars almost every weekend, wifey tending the kids at home. Good-looking, smooth dude, the guy that all the female coworkers would cream their jeans over when he came around work functions. Eventually he knocks up some 20 year old party girl he meets at the club and moves in with her, totally neglecting his family. Last I heard the first couple were trying to reconcile, the second lady got re-married to a pudgy balding guy in the same field she is in.
ReadySettyGo Posted February 22, 2014 Posted February 22, 2014 This is a question to the women here on this board. Say you met a guy, he's tall, attractive, physically fit, neat and clean, decent personality, sweet, charming, intelligent, decent size penis, good lover (i.e. attentive, giving, open, etc.). But he has one major flaw. He's unemployed. Would you date him? A male perspective, if I may. I'd propose that a stable hard working man in a low paying/low status job would get trumped by an unemployed man with better career prospects.
Els Posted February 22, 2014 Posted February 22, 2014 depends why he's unemployed and what he's doing about it. This. Frankly I care about personality much more than both looks and career, but between looks and career, career is far more important. Unless you're a veritable male model (and even that is a job), looks don't keep a roof over your head. Different women prioritize different things, obviously.
Keenly Posted February 22, 2014 Posted February 22, 2014 A lot of women don't realize they want to stay home with the children until they actually have a child. Becoming a mother CHANGES you. It's great to have pre-determined preferences, but hopefully when you are actually in a marriage some day, you will work WITH your wife to negotiate solutions that work for both of you. And if she wants to stay home with the child for a couple years, hopefully you will value your marriage enough to talk to her and make something work. Being rigid is NOT compatible with marriage. To my eyes, your post says "Suck it up and go with whatever she wants."
Treasa Posted February 22, 2014 Posted February 22, 2014 I was laid off from my job three weeks ago. I had been employed steadily for 16 years prior to that. My company just wasn't doing well, and it's the third year of layoffs. I'm getting severance pay for eight weeks, and trying very hard to find a new job (you have no idea), but I have to admit that if that's ALL I focused on, I would lose it. It gets very depressing to get stuck in that bubble. Everyone needs to have a life and to have things to do. Focusing on just one thing is never a good idea. Just wanted to say that. 1
ASG Posted February 22, 2014 Posted February 22, 2014 I was laid off from my job three weeks ago. I had been employed steadily for 16 years prior to that. My company just wasn't doing well, and it's the third year of layoffs. I'm getting severance pay for eight weeks, and trying very hard to find a new job (you have no idea), but I have to admit that if that's ALL I focused on, I would lose it. It gets very depressing to get stuck in that bubble. Everyone needs to have a life and to have things to do. Focusing on just one thing is never a good idea. Just wanted to say that. I agree completely. I am always in and out of work. Not through choice, per se, but due to the nature of what I do. I am a freelancer, I work in theatre, jobs usually have a set duration and then it's back to the drawing board and finding another job! At this particular moment, I have been unemployed for 2 months. I have focused on getting a new job (even had an interview today), but it can't be all I do. So I go out with friends, date, whatever. Not as much as I would like, since I want to stretch the money out as much as I can, but I have my fun! As for the OP, yes I would give him a chance. Like I said, in my field being unemployed is kind of a thing that happens to everyone more often than to people in other businesses. And if reasonable effort is being made and he's not asking me for money, we're golden!
Chalkdust89 Posted February 22, 2014 Posted February 22, 2014 Is he actively seeking employment or sitting on his behind playing video games? The worst thing I ever heard a man say (note that he was attractive, decent personality, decent penis size, and all the other things you mentioned in the OP): Him: I don't mind working the weekend shift, but I'm starting to feel like I should start doing more during the week to be productive. Do you have any ideas for what I could do? Me: That's great! I volunteer at xxxx and xxxx, they are always looking for people to help out during the week. Or maybe you could look into taking a class? Him: Well, actually, I was talking more about things I could do to make money. I've blown through all of my savings buying video games and I need some extra cash to buy the new PS4. ... I would date a man who was unemployed depending on the circumstances, like most of the other women here. If he is motivated and doing other things to stay productive during his unemployment (like taking a class or doing community service to keep his mind and body active and his resume marketable), I am okay with that. I actually have a bit of experience with recruiting and would be happy to help him network/look for jobs/practice interviewing, etc. if he showed effort and motivation.
OpheliaSong Posted February 22, 2014 Posted February 22, 2014 Nope, but I am not attracted to instability or flakiness. If they lost their job, they need to be looking for another, not worried about dating. I would date a garbage man if he was a great guy so this isn't about being a snob. It is about personal responsibility and perspective. I don't care if he looked like David Gandy.....no job, no interest.
kaylan Posted February 22, 2014 Posted February 22, 2014 Don't make the ignorant assumption that just because a woman wishes to stay home with her children that she doesn't value independence. In the modern age, having your own cash is how you can secure your own independence. Like I said, if a gal wants to stay home for a really long time, she is better off having children with someone else.
AlphaC Posted February 22, 2014 Posted February 22, 2014 Sorry but this is not what I have seen at all. Remember, many times what a woman says and what a woman does are two different things. Yup, you hit the nail on the head. The OP already made her decision to date Mr. Big PP (aka Couchboy), she is just looking for folk to justify her decision. Back to your point, women and men say one thing but do the opposite, glad I wised up.
AlphaC Posted February 22, 2014 Posted February 22, 2014 This is a question to the women here on this board. Say you met a guy, he's tall, attractive, physically fit, neat and clean, decent personality, sweet, charming, intelligent, decent size penis, good lover (i.e. attentive, giving, open, etc.). But he has one major flaw. He's unemployed. Would you date him? I think you should date this guy, no job = no money, he will be stuck at home and can't cheat. Make sure you cook him warm meals too, gotta keep a player happy, just saying!!
FnlyFrei Posted February 22, 2014 Posted February 22, 2014 I have gone on OLD's, then find out the guy is "between jobs" can't afford to actually pay for anything on the date. Drives a POS car, then wonders why I did not want to go on a second date ? Um, I work, haven't ever been unemployed, and have worked two or three jobs at times when things were tough, but I have NEVER sat at home playing video games. That is just a big, huge red flag when someone is just a big moocher. I would never want to be in a relationship with someone who barely even tries. That says a lot about their personality. Not someone I want to waste my time with, no matter how good-looking, handsome or sexually compatible.
Kizmet Fisher Posted February 22, 2014 Posted February 22, 2014 This is a question to the women here on this board. Say you met a guy, he's tall, attractive, physically fit, neat and clean, decent personality, sweet, charming, intelligent, decent size penis, good lover (i.e. attentive, giving, open, etc.). But he has one major flaw. He's unemployed. Would you date him? Hmmmm...This is typical isn't it? A lot of the emphasis has been focused on infatuation as opposed to substance....penis size, seriously? Anyway...Ask yourself this, how is all that going to pay the bill? If a woman came with all those qualities, I wouldn't sign up for that. You know why? If you fall into the common law / marriage trap, and they end up just staying at home not working...depending on how long you were married for, you could find yourself paying Alimony for a long time and for the person to gain new skills Not surprised by this though one iota Even if she came with a really big penis?
Noproblem Posted February 22, 2014 Posted February 22, 2014 Guys as described by the OP will see you coming from a mile away. In the normal world there is a certain dynamic in male/female relationships. Typically problems arise due to a disruption in this dynamic. I have personally witnessed what happens when the successful female couples with the deadbeat charmer. The majority resulted in affairs, a < 10 year marriage, a single mother, and an unchanged deadbeat charmer. This is if we imagined I'm really that duped to fall for that kind of guys. But I really like to help people ( male of female) get on their feet and then leave them be.
kaylan Posted February 22, 2014 Posted February 22, 2014 I have gone on OLD's, then find out the guy is "between jobs" can't afford to actually pay for anything on the date. Drives a POS car, then wonders why I did not want to go on a second date ? Um, I work, haven't ever been unemployed, and have worked two or three jobs at times when things were tough, but I have NEVER sat at home playing video games. That is just a big, huge red flag when someone is just a big moocher. I would never want to be in a relationship with someone who barely even tries. That says a lot about their personality. Not someone I want to waste my time with, no matter how good-looking, handsome or sexually compatible. Good thing you arent a man....if you were...youd have to screen a lot of moochers xD:laugh:
Author seany85 Posted February 23, 2014 Author Posted February 23, 2014 FYI, I'm a guy lol. After reading the posts here, I realized I probably should have added another caveat to the list... Say you met a guy, he's tall, attractive, physically fit, neat and clean, decent personality, sweet, charming, intelligent, decent size penis, good lover (i.e. attentive, giving, open, etc.). But he has one major flaw. He's unemployed. This and he has his own source of (legal) income. Though it's not a lot, he doesn't need to mooch off you. And the fact he's physically fit should be an indicator that he's not a lazy bum on the couch smoking weed all day. Does that change things, or is it the same?
lino Posted February 23, 2014 Posted February 23, 2014 Unless you're selling drugs then no, don't be expecting much action.
StanMusial Posted February 24, 2014 Posted February 24, 2014 I think you should date this guy, no job = no money, he will be stuck at home and can't cheat. Make sure you cook him warm meals too, gotta keep a player happy, just saying!! This is 100% wrong. Idle hands are the devil's playground...
writergal Posted February 24, 2014 Posted February 24, 2014 OP if you have a source of income then you're technically not unemployed. That said...no I would not date a man who is unemployed, not at my age anyway. If you lose your job in your 40s with no new prospects, no savings, and no 401K then you're a huge date risk.
pteromom Posted February 24, 2014 Posted February 24, 2014 To my eyes, your post says "Suck it up and go with whatever she wants." Of course it does. Doesn't surprise me. But that's not what I am saying. I am saying you work together to find the solutions that work best for your family, rather than going into a marriage with a bunch of rules and expectations for your partner, based on what you THINK life is going to be like.
Thegreatestthing Posted February 25, 2014 Posted February 25, 2014 I didn't think this bothered me but a guy I was talking to told me he didn't own a computer I was hugely hugely turned off for some reason. Admittedly my MacBook broke for many months and I had no computer, but still I was really turned off,puzzled by it and he didn't explain it.ive seen hobos with computers.
Zeroes Posted February 25, 2014 Posted February 25, 2014 This is a question to the women here on this board. Say you met a guy, he's tall, attractive, physically fit, neat and clean, decent personality, sweet, charming, intelligent, decent size penis, good lover (i.e. attentive, giving, open, etc.). But he has one major flaw. He's unemployed. Would you date him? Honestly, yes.
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