ripheart Posted February 21, 2014 Posted February 21, 2014 Hey... So here is my incomplete first love story.. We met when we were 18... used to talk all day all time and the connection we had was amazing.. Infact the first 1.5 years we almost never had a fight... Then it kinda got long distance, used to meet once in 6 mnths, little bit of fights but never unresolved, and our future, everything was all planned, we were gonna get married once we complete our education.. We had so beautiful dreams of our future, my parents her parents everybody knew about us.. We were the perfect couple, the ones people used to look up and say they are called soulmates.. last year I remember she was so much into the idea of getting married, she has started doing all the plannings everything (we were going to tie knot 3 month from now)... then new jobs, again different locations (but she did apply for relocation to my city like a month before breakup), I kinda got busy on my own, we talked less but still everyday atleast half an hour.. There is almost not a single day in all these 5 years and 11months of our relationship that we did not talk.. She confessed and apologised 2 months back, that she started liking a guy, that he is very funny and everything, the connection with him is amazing but she has stopped talking to him, and I was a mad at start, but then said dat am glad u r confessing and its fine and i still love her like anything.. I should confess I have not been really nice to her last 1 year, taken her for granted many times, but last 2 months I treated her as well as I can.. and that is the reason i guess she confessed to me many things and slowly i got too know she was actually cheating on me, not physically, the new guy is also kinda long distance, she used to chat wid him on watsapp all time, never actually stopped and she is intensely in love with him.. and eventhough she would show signs that everything is not good between us, the next moment she would say things like how much she loves me, and wat she did was wrong, and she will make it right and she is only mine, and has stopped talking to him... but then she says I cant resist him and everything, and I tried letting her go, breaking up and then she will cry and say I cant leave u or let u go.. and then 2 days later she told me everything, every lie she was telling me for last 6-7 months, that she never planned all this but it just happened and she loves this new guy, they are like bf gf for last 4 months, she never stopped talking to him and she just has no heart in our relationship, she has to do this, and is breaking up... goodbye and dont wait for me... and i said gud luck... next 2 days i cried, tried to persuade her back, then 3 days later tried again, and since then its 10 days, I have let her go cuz i realised its for the best, whether she is gonna return or not, this is the right thing to do for now, cuz she is so much into him and is emotionally unavailable to me, all i will do is push her away and its kinda strange what am feeling right now... Obviously I have read so many articles about break up and GIG syndrome and everything...I think I really get her, know her inside out, love her care for her, and wat she did to me i should be completely mad at her but i have so gracefully let her go, I feel good about myself for that.. She has made me what i am, and I have no doubt how madly she loved me except last 6 months... And I kinda knw she is kind of emotionally immature, never appreciated how much I loved her, a little egocentric, but make no mistake she is such a great girl, full of life, u can fall in love with her every moment, she was always one of most popular girls wherever she goes, and to think I can find another her, is such a hard thing to think.. Cuz she just is the best girl I have ever met.. Saying that, I think she just is an ideal person to suffer from gigs syndrome.... The other guy may be better than me or watever, but once u have given everything to someone, how can you really fall in love with someone else.. and how can u not remember all the good things that we had, I never ever left her side, and was kind of guy who could give life for her, am the one who is surrounded by girls but still never been unfaithful or tried to cross lines.. and she so much trusted me.. Still I have got her few passwords she has not changed that means she trusts me.. and what I think is obviously in 5 yrs things faded a little, we both took each other for granted, and she met this new guy, developed intense connection with him, and me not really being nice to her helped it gain more fuel, and her mind is so clouded with him rite now, she is not even thinking about what we had.. and that she just has to go for now, let this new love feeling fade with him, or get hurt and then only she will realise wat is the rite thing to do... I know Its just a bad thing to expect her to comeback for my own good, but it keeps me from being miserable i guess.. and i feel like I have the license to flirt with all the girls now, do watever spoil myself which is wat m doing from last 15 days since break up... The idea that she is gone, has not sink in completely!! I dont want to feel like this but cant help to think that am 99% sure she will come back, I just know her so well, we were each others first, like kids we grown up together, madly loved each other, and a voice in my head says its for good that she needs to check her options, then she would be able to appreciate my love, and if her connection with the new guy is really that great i ll be happy that she is happy... But that 1% scares me, what about me, am i doing any good to myself? this is not break up should feel like rite? She had just no reasons to breakup except that the connection with the new guy is so amazing and she cant resist him.. She was trying to find absurd reasons then she would back off, and while breaking up she told me how wonderful and great person i am, that to never change and she is guilty what she is doing to me but she cant help it... and she will hurt me more if she stays with me..... Infact sometimes i feel she was trying to make me break up with her so that its easier, she wanted me to hate her, and i dint do that and she was getting really mad about it... She wanted to go i have no doubt, she was hoping some miracle would happen and I will go from her life cuz she cudnt do this.. am kinda enjoying singlehood, feels like i have never been single before, got committed too early and never had a chance to enjoy life like this, but I have no doubt I did really love her... I should be breaking and hurting right now right? I get night mares of her leaving me ( never used to get nightmares before ) everynight, almost twice or thrice but I can still able to sleep again.. Only 1 week I remember from when we were almost on verge of breaking up to the few days when we did break up was really difficult ones when all I wanted was to cry my heart out, in public or wherever i just dint care.. I was miserable... cuz it just hit me so suddenly i could see things not being great but I never thot we were anywhere near breakup.. But now I have just no hatred towards her, I still think of her with a smile on my face.. I love her and think of her like a small kid who is making a mistake that does not mean i am going to stop loving her.. Am i in denial and setting myself to get hurt even more? Do you think she will come back? I feel myself fully capable of being happy and falling in love again but not just the way i loved her :'(.. What should I be doing right now? Should I go full no contact? Sorry for making this so long, had to get it all out somewhere .. Thanks so much for all the patience ..
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