Weallwalkthelongroad Posted February 21, 2014 Posted February 21, 2014 So I met this girl in mid November and we hit it off right away. We had a lot in common and could talk for hours about anything and everything. Everything just seemed so easy when we spent time with one another. I was so sure about this girl that I asked her to be my gf about 3 weeks after meeting her and she said yes. I was so excited because things just felt different with this one. Anyways, we did get intimate on more than a few occasions and it happened fairly quickly which kind of worried me. I even told her I liked where this was going and wanted to take things slowly but went along with it. She assured me everything was good. She had gone out for a Xmas party with her friends on a Friday night and texted me approximately 30 times saying she was home with me....and then showed up at my place at 2 am. We shared a really night/morning. All was well until she got sick after New Years and shut me out for like 5 days. It wasn't like her so I told her it would have been nice to hear from her but I understood she was sick. She took this as an attack and told ME I was moving too fast. She said I could see her once a week moving forward and that she needed her space. I agreed and let things cool off for a few days but the writing was on the wall already. She continued to dodge my texts/calls until it was convenient for her. She did go to one breakfast and one dinner for me but the feeling was gone. I decided to try and wait it out but I couldn't do it anymore. I asked her to try and communicate more with me and she flipped the F out. Again, I let things cool off because she said she was really busy. I asked her out to breakfast a week later and she flipped out again. It was only a breakfast, not a vacation to Paris! So I finally asked her where we stood and went on a tirade about how I was too pushy with her. She was upset that I invited her to my buddy's daughters 4th bday party about 2 weeks after we met. She didn't understand why I asked her to be my gf so soon and that she went along with it because she thought she was hesitant about her past. She blamed the whole falling our on me and wouldn't take responsibility for her actions in moving fast. It takes two to tango right? Long story short, I didn't feel like arguing with her so I fell on the sword and told her I'll take all the blame and go on my separate way. She continued to rip me apart while taking no responsibility for her mixed signals. So I wished her well and told her I enjoyed the short amount of good times we shared. She just left the conversation without saying anything at all. So my question is, am I really to blame for this mess? We haven't talked in a week, and probably wont for a while (possibly never again) but I still think about her all the time. I can't delete her on FB because I don't want to look bitter either. I know she isn't seeing anyone else but what the heck happened. There is past baggage with her that I won't go in to detail with but did she take this past baggage out on me. Do I want to try and be friends with someone that berates my very being and blames everything on me? Stressed out. End rant
soccerrprp Posted February 21, 2014 Posted February 21, 2014 Not all you fault. She may be wanting distance b/c she's not that into you. Why would you want to be friends with someone is who not friend-like? Also, next time, don't take all the blame when you know it's not all you. For some people, it really pisses them off when someone simply lies down and capitulates so easily b/c it can be perceived as being not serious or dismissive.
Author Weallwalkthelongroad Posted February 21, 2014 Author Posted February 21, 2014 I agree about not lying down. It's just the type of person I am. I'd rather fall on the sword and avoid hurling insults at her. I felt like I was in a no win situation though. Either I pushed to try and see/talk more while came up with bs excuses to not see me or I just let it die out. She kept telling me she needed to be alone because she has medical procedure coming up but "alone" just meant not seeing me. She said she didn't want to hurt or upset me but she knew that's exactly what she was doing. It was a short lived relationship so I'm getting over it fairly quickly but I really don't know what happened. I know I don't want to be with someone as crazy as she was.
somecamel Posted February 21, 2014 Posted February 21, 2014 Dude you need to remove her on Facebook and any other social media you have, this is for your benefit not hers. She's made it pretty clear she's not into you anymore, it may have been because you were a 'bit' pushy but I would imagine it's more the case that she wasn't as into you as you were into her, it happens and time to move on. There are plenty of other fish out there:)
Imightfail Posted February 21, 2014 Posted February 21, 2014 She sounds manipulative... you'll better stay off i guess
SCJACK Posted February 21, 2014 Posted February 21, 2014 (edited) This is kind of similar to my situation except I knew the girl longer and got close for about 3 months before dating for 2. Everything was great before but once new years came around and she got sick, she began to distance herself from me and wanted to be "alone"... and broke it off without even trying to communicate or work anything out... sighh.. there goes a 3 year friendship down the drain. What I don't understand is why the seemed to know what they were doing before, and seemed really into us. Then all the sudden their "just not that into you" wtf? Edited February 21, 2014 by SCJACK
Author Weallwalkthelongroad Posted February 22, 2014 Author Posted February 22, 2014 Yeah, it's messed up. Especially when they place all the blame on you. Like its something you actually did wrong and they did everything right....really messed up. But whatever though. If I learned anything through this, it's that I figured out that I don't want someone in my life that cannot take responsibility for her own actions. Nevermind the fact that she verbally assaulted me over the past few weeks. Ain't nobody got time for that! 1
Author Weallwalkthelongroad Posted February 23, 2014 Author Posted February 23, 2014 Aww crap I thought I saw her today driving to her sister's place which is right around the corner from my house. Didn't need that today.
Author Weallwalkthelongroad Posted February 24, 2014 Author Posted February 24, 2014 CaliGuy's NC guide has really helped me. Just today there were so many times I wanted to send a text just to "test the waters" but I know it won't turn out well. 9 days going strong!
CaliGuy Posted February 25, 2014 Posted February 25, 2014 Love and respect yourself first "We" and you will find that you'll learn to walk away from bad people MUCH faster. I have put that into practice since I wrote the guide and it's done wonders. I don't have to settle for crappy people nor will I accept being second place. If I'm not #1 to her then forget it! 3
guest572 Posted February 25, 2014 Posted February 25, 2014 You did nothing wrong and if she felt you were rushing things then she should have just said no in the beginning when you asked her to be your girlfriend. She has done the wrong thing, not you. Hold your head high. Delete her from FB if you want to, dont worry about how it looks to her. After the way she has treated you, removing from FB is hardly being "bitter"!
Author Weallwalkthelongroad Posted February 25, 2014 Author Posted February 25, 2014 You did nothing wrong and if she felt you were rushing things then she should have just said no in the beginning when you asked her to be your girlfriend. She has done the wrong thing, not you. Hold your head high. Delete her from FB if you want to, dont worry about how it looks to her. After the way she has treated you, removing from FB is hardly being "bitter"! This is what alot of friends and family have been telling me. I don't date very often but friends and family knew this was different as I was really in to this one. I agree that if she thought things were progressing too fast, she should have just said no or waited to give me an answer on being my gf. That's the part that hurts the most. Along with getting the silent treatment after new years. She says she didnt want to hurt or upset me but that she just needed to be alone...all the while not letting me know where we stood. Also, This is a question for the guys in here... If a girl texts you approximately 30-40 times on a night where she is out with her friends and tells you she wishes she would have stayed in to be with you...and then shows up at 2AM drunk....what would your thought pattern be? She has to be looking for something right? I was already sleeping at that point and left the door unlocked so she could get in. I gave her some of my clothes to sleep in and she stayed for the night/morning. According to her, she says that I pushed things then because she showed up drunk and was just looking to sleep next to me. WTF? How and why is it my fault that she showed up at 2AM drunk and we fooled around a little bit? But she wasn't being pushy by doing any of this? Still so many unanswered questions. I dont even know why it still bothers me since the relationship was so short lived.
Author Weallwalkthelongroad Posted February 26, 2014 Author Posted February 26, 2014 Very thankful for the NC guide yet again today. Feeling much better reading through it yet again.
Author Weallwalkthelongroad Posted May 4, 2014 Author Posted May 4, 2014 Holy crap! I got the ultimate "apology" text tonight from this ex. I haven't responded just yet. She basically apologized for how she went about the whole situation. She says she's sorry if I didn't understand why it went down. Stress, work, buying a condo, an upcoming surgery, blah blah blah. Do I even respond to this at all?
Smilecharmer Posted May 4, 2014 Posted May 4, 2014 Holy crap! I got the ultimate "apology" text tonight from this ex. I haven't responded just yet. She basically apologized for how she went about the whole situation. She says she's sorry if I didn't understand why it went down. Stress, work, buying a condo, an upcoming surgery, blah blah blah. Do I even respond to this at all? No. She just liked you chasing her and trying so hard and without all the attention you gave her she misses it. You need to learn to slow down when pursuing a woman, and just let things happen organically. Also, when someone says the need space, it means to just leave them alone, they aren't into you. Don't accept anymore calls or media from her. She pretty much acted like you were a stalker, why reward that kind of disrespect?
Smilecharmer Posted May 4, 2014 Posted May 4, 2014 Interesting take... I know you wanted to hear call her, she likes you, but she will only like you long enough to get you interested again and then when she knows you are she will tell you you are too clingy. Act like you are a stalker again.
Author Weallwalkthelongroad Posted May 4, 2014 Author Posted May 4, 2014 I know you wanted to hear call her, she likes you, but she will only like you long enough to get you interested again and then when she knows you are she will tell you you are too clingy. Act like you are a stalker again. Of course my irrational side of my head would love for you say that I should call her. But the rational side agrees with everything you have said. This text message has caught me off guard because I honestly never expected to hear from her again. It doesn't help that I am currently getting the slow fade from another girl I've been seeing. So messed up!
Smilecharmer Posted May 4, 2014 Posted May 4, 2014 Of course my irrational side of my head would love for you say that I should call her. But the rational side agrees with everything you have said. This text message has caught me off guard because I honestly never expected to hear from her again. It doesn't help that I am currently getting the slow fade from another girl I've been seeing. So messed up! I agree. It is messed up. Do you generally come on slow and steady and with confidence or fast and wanting to have a gf really bad?
Author Weallwalkthelongroad Posted May 4, 2014 Author Posted May 4, 2014 I agree. It is messed up. Do you generally come on slow and steady and with confidence or fast and wanting to have a gf really bad? Most of the time slow and steady. This one happened rather quickly as things seemed different. Guess I was wrong about that.
Smilecharmer Posted May 4, 2014 Posted May 4, 2014 Sometimes girls get caught up in being in love with the idea of love so they try to rush those feelings, then when you don't do it exactly how they do it in Rom Coms or on the CW, they act like you are smothering them.
Elle1975 Posted May 4, 2014 Posted May 4, 2014 (edited) So I met this girl in mid November and we hit it off right away. We had a lot in common and could talk for hours about anything and everything. Everything just seemed so easy when we spent time with one another. I was so sure about this girl that I asked her to be my gf about 3 weeks after meeting her and she said yes. I was so excited because things just felt different with this one. Anyways, we did get intimate on more than a few occasions and it happened fairly quickly which kind of worried me. I even told her I liked where this was going and wanted to take things slowly but went along with it. She assured me everything was good. She had gone out for a Xmas party with her friends on a Friday night and texted me approximately 30 times saying she was home with me....and then showed up at my place at 2 am. We shared a really night/morning. All was well until she got sick after New Years and shut me out for like 5 days. It wasn't like her so I told her it would have been nice to hear from her but I understood she was sick. She took this as an attack and told ME I was moving too fast. She said I could see her once a week moving forward and that she needed her space. I agreed and let things cool off for a few days but the writing was on the wall already. She continued to dodge my texts/calls until it was convenient for her. She did go to one breakfast and one dinner for me but the feeling was gone. I decided to try and wait it out but I couldn't do it anymore. I asked her to try and communicate more with me and she flipped the F out. Again, I let things cool off because she said she was really busy. I asked her out to breakfast a week later and she flipped out again. It was only a breakfast, not a vacation to Paris! So I finally asked her where we stood and went on a tirade about how I was too pushy with her. She was upset that I invited her to my buddy's daughters 4th bday party about 2 weeks after we met. She didn't understand why I asked her to be my gf so soon and that she went along with it because she thought she was hesitant about her past. She blamed the whole falling our on me and wouldn't take responsibility for her actions in moving fast. It takes two to tango right? Long story short, I didn't feel like arguing with her so I fell on the sword and told her I'll take all the blame and go on my separate way. She continued to rip me apart while taking no responsibility for her mixed signals. So I wished her well and told her I enjoyed the short amount of good times we shared. She just left the conversation without saying anything at all. So my question is, am I really to blame for this mess? We haven't talked in a week, and probably wont for a while (possibly never again) but I still think about her all the time. I can't delete her on FB because I don't want to look bitter either. I know she isn't seeing anyone else but what the heck happened. There is past baggage with her that I won't go in to detail with but did she take this past baggage out on me. Do I want to try and be friends with someone that berates my very being and blames everything on me? Stressed out. End rant The first time she flipped off on you, that's where you should have walked away. So.. are you to blame? Sure. Next time, leave psycho behind. And don't get rid of your boundaries so fast. If you don't feel comfortable with being intimate, don't. She really seems awful, you can't change that. What you could have controlled is your own person; removing yourself, or not, from the situation. Sure, she is to blame too. Like you said it, it takes two to tango. And take her off FB. Srsly, who gives a rat's @ss if she think you're bitter. You, certainly not her. Edited May 4, 2014 by Elle1975
Recommended Posts