mr_dave Posted February 21, 2014 Posted February 21, 2014 I'm an inactive member of a very well known dating site (It has five letters ) I got an email about a singles night at a bar next week, so far 40 or so people have confirmed to attend. Should I go? I'm 26 and single since last summer, when the girl I thought I was going to marry left me for another guy. She was my only ever girlfriend. I'm a bit uneasy about meeting people in a somewhat 'forced' environment, but I've exhausted my current social circle, (met all the female friends of my guy friends) there are no meetup type groups near where I live, and my job is a fairly solitary, male dominated one. My interests are mainly guy stuff, such as playing football, and the gym I weightlift at is a sausage fest. I'm at a stage where I would be open to meeting the woman I spend the rest of my life with. If I take things very slowly with her (after what happened to me before) and wait a while to get married and then a few more years to have kids, then I'll already be in my thirties.... My ex has set the bar pretty high for any subsequent lady, however. As a guy I would be expected to initiate everything, I would feel wretched if I asked someone out, got to know them, and then found I wasn't really that into them. I don't want to lead anyone on, or hurt them. I'm terribly shy around women, I can't even smile at attractive girls as I walk past! I figured it would be good practice for me to get talking to girls but at the same time the bar scene is not really my cup of tea, and cold-approaching women is something I have never done. I was a quivering mess when I asked my ex-girlfriend out, and she was only a seventeen year old at the time, not a mature, experienced (and if I'm honest, therefore slightly intimidating) woman. Does anyone have any experiences of such events to share? Thank you
PegNosePete Posted February 21, 2014 Posted February 21, 2014 What's the worst that could happen? You waste an evening and a bit of cash on petrol/drinks?
Author mr_dave Posted February 21, 2014 Author Posted February 21, 2014 What's the worst that could happen? You waste an evening and a bit of cash on petrol/drinks? I don't care about the money or time invested. I guess the worst that could happen is that I'm a bumbling wreck, and don't have any success!
PegNosePete Posted February 21, 2014 Posted February 21, 2014 And you never see any of those people again. So you've lost nothing
d0nnivain Posted February 21, 2014 Posted February 21, 2014 Yes, I absolutely think you should go. First, there are never enough men at these things. The women will come to you. Yes, the environment is "forced" but it's more like scheduled meaning everyone there is there for the same reason -- to meet new people. You won't accidently try to hit on someone who is not single & since you are shy, the women are more likely to talk to you first. Second, you need to start somewhere. This event is an easy place for you to go, even without a buddy to restart your dating life. However, you need to approach this with LOW expectations. It's unlikely that you will meet the love of your life here. It's not even guaranteed you will get a date let alone a GF out of it. You are going to this for the practice & to prove to yourself that you can get out of the house & you can meet new people without the world coming to end. Go agree to have one drink consumed in a normal pace & do at least one lap around the room. It does you no good to sit on a bar stool or at a table. You have to be standing. If you are brave enough set a goal that you will talk to 1-2 women while you are there. It doesn't have to be because you are after a # or a conquest but just to practice talking to new people. It's a way for you to improve your conversational skills. Give yourself a break but do attend. 3
deathandtaxes Posted February 21, 2014 Posted February 21, 2014 I went to a match singles event before at a bar/club in the city I live. The area of the place with the event was packed!!! I was really going in support of my single friend (I had already been talking to this lady and so wasn't wanting to do much at the event). Lots of drinking and talking and laughing going on. It was fun. I say sign up and give it a go!
Eternal Sunshine Posted February 21, 2014 Posted February 21, 2014 I went to a singles night once with a male friend. The venue was packed but there was not one guy that appealed to me. There also seemed to be a lot more men than women. Guys were pretty aggressive, I had someone new trying to talk to me every 10 minutes or so. Other guys would cut in the conversation, it was crazy. My male friend didn't talk to anyone and just stood there all night. We left after an hour or so because I didn't like anyone and just wanted to get away. So yeah, overall quality of people was bottom of the barrel. I wouldn't go again
slizl Posted February 21, 2014 Posted February 21, 2014 Definitely go! I have been to two of those events and had a great time at both. I would have a drink or two before hte event to loosen up a little, and try to drag a friend along to ease the awkwardness. The vast majority of women at those events have been VERY nice and normal. Plus, everyone is single and everyone has the dating site in common (makes for an easy conversation starter). How long have you been on _.com? Is this your first _.com dating event? Have you been to this bar before? Super easy to make conversation and should be a good time, good luck!
Targetlock Posted February 21, 2014 Posted February 21, 2014 got one coming up soon well not going by myself, dragging along a single friend as a wingman, and anyway you don't know until you try. 1
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