HappyLove Posted February 21, 2014 Posted February 21, 2014 (edited) Met a guy back when I used to OLD. It was very casual, I was dating other people I'm sure he was too. I went out with him and honestly was not tremendously attracted to him even though he's an ok looking guy some may even say handsome but we just never clicked. I believe you should give people a chance at least 3 dates to really get a feel for them. Anyway we first went for coffee, we liked each other enough to go out again. Next was dinner and movies, which was also an ok date. I invited him out during the week and last minute he gave a BS excuse. That was fine with me because I was more interested in another guy I was dating. Things kind of just faded then about a month later he texted me saying how great and pretty I am. How he's really impressed with me and we should go out, he hasn't met anyone like me. I figure ok he seems very interested so I'll give him a chance. We go out again just movies and I invited him out the next day to an event but he had to work. The holidays came around he went to visit family but stayed in touch the entire time, which I liked. He came back into town communicated for maybe a week and went poof. I reached out more than I did previously because he said he was very interested so when he stopped communication I let it go and stopped contacting him as well. So here we are about two months later he texts me hello. I honestly didn't even know who this was because I figured I'd never hear from him again. I deleted all his contact info. I haven't even responded back yet and here he is texting me again 24 hrs later asking if I met someone else. What should I do? Should I even reply to this guy? Is this a huge waste of time? Should I at least be friendly? Edited February 21, 2014 by HappyLove
TaraMaiden Posted February 21, 2014 Posted February 21, 2014 Proceed with caution. On the face of it, it looks as if he's had trouble dating and is now searching archives for possible re-visit of 'maybe I'll get lucky'.... 2
Author HappyLove Posted February 21, 2014 Author Posted February 21, 2014 Proceed with caution. On the face of it, it looks as if he's had trouble dating and is now searching archives for possible re-visit of 'maybe I'll get lucky'.... Exactly, I'm thinking things haven't worked out and he's back to see what I'm up to. I don't want to be a jerk but I also don't want to be someone you put on the back burner. Maybe I'll straight up ask him why he never kept in touch instead of assuming...
TaraMaiden Posted February 21, 2014 Posted February 21, 2014 Cynical me would be tempted to reply: "If you're looking to reconnect you'll understand my caution because you seemed to be a bit flaky last time. In any case it would probably just end up as friendship... Or are you just looking for a leg-over?" Bit much, maybe...? 4
Author HappyLove Posted February 21, 2014 Author Posted February 21, 2014 Cynical me would be tempted to reply: "If you're looking to reconnect you'll understand my caution because you seemed to be a bit flaky last time. In any case it would probably just end up as friendship... Or are you just looking for a leg-over?" Bit much, maybe...? Haha. Sounds perfect to me!
Emilia Posted February 21, 2014 Posted February 21, 2014 I would delete the text and the number. He had his chance. Wouldn't grace him with a response. 8
SYLLPalmer Posted February 21, 2014 Posted February 21, 2014 Haha. Sounds perfect to me! He is a player of a unique variety. My first love was one of these. They resurface in usually six week intervals but it is not surprising you say 2 months as these are the days of great abundance. We used to call it "spinning the wheel". These kinds have a roulette wheel with girls names on it. They keep a group of girls that they bounce back and forth with. Each girl always grateful for his return. It's nothing personal with this guy, literally. The way you test this is you keep him hanging. He can't stand it and will start laying it on really thick until one of you breaks. It took me more rounds to see than I care to remember. Once I did I took myself off the wheel. Didn't stop him from coming back but it stopped me from "believing." After that he was my bitch. Quite fun really. Try the test to be sure before going on to round three. 3
SmartDude Posted February 21, 2014 Posted February 21, 2014 Meh I am going to be the voice of opposition here...The rebel's advocate lol. Why does there need to be such a quick decision to either cut some one off or be totally committed, with no room for situations in-between? If you dated someone, and no bridges were burned,what is the harm of seeing that person again? Sometimes it is just people's life that gets in the way and not the actual people...But once those conditions clear up, your all good. 1
Author HappyLove Posted February 21, 2014 Author Posted February 21, 2014 Understandable that OLD can be super frustrating. I'm just super positive about OLD on this forum, because I know that there are some good finds out there. There are women like me making accounts right now. Women who are going in with an open mind, open heart, and good intentions. Sometimes not easy to find those ones, but they're there He is a player of a unique variety. My first love was one of these. They resurface in usually six week intervals but it is not surprising you say 2 months as these are the days of great abundance. We used to call it "spinning the wheel". These kinds have a roulette wheel with girls names on it. They keep a group of girls that they bounce back and forth with. Each girl always grateful for his return. It's nothing personal with this guy, literally. The way you test this is you keep him hanging. He can't stand it and will start laying it on really thick until one of you breaks. It took me more rounds to see than I care to remember. Once I did I took myself off the wheel. Didn't stop him from coming back but it stopped me from "believing." After that he was my bitch. Quite fun really. Try the test to be sure before going on to round three. Interesting, so what exactly do you do to keep him hanging? Don't respond?
Author HappyLove Posted February 21, 2014 Author Posted February 21, 2014 Meh I am going to be the voice of opposition here...The rebel's advocate lol. Why does there need to be such a quick decision to either cut some one off or be totally committed, with no room for situations in-between? If you dated someone, and no bridges were burned,what is the harm of seeing that person again? Sometimes it is just people's life that gets in the way and not the actual people...But once those conditions clear up, your all good. But as a guy if you seriously like a girl A LOT as you told her. Wouldn't you make sure you kept in touch? I refuse to believe anyone is THAT busy!
SYLLPalmer Posted February 21, 2014 Posted February 21, 2014 Interesting, so what exactly do you do to keep him hanging? Don't respond? Don't respond.Respond late and half hearted.Respond late with a confusing message. You spin your own wheel and mix them all up. But you have to remember he maybe busy with others as well. So what you perceive to be an extended wait time may not register with him. First time: don't respond. If he doesn't come back immediately (his time) then he will be back in 8 weeks. If you don't want to risk loosing him you may have to go a few more rounds with him to rule out my theory. Just remember if he is this type, you need not feel hurt by anything he does. He is hopeless and it is nothing personal.
Author HappyLove Posted February 21, 2014 Author Posted February 21, 2014 I will NOT be dating this guy. He would have to work SOOOOO HARD for that. But maybe friends in the future. He had his chance! Why should I waste time with a flake? I'll at least let him explain what happened but not holding out for anything more on my end!
SYLLPalmer Posted February 21, 2014 Posted February 21, 2014 I will NOT be dating this guy. He would have to work SOOOOO HARD for that. But maybe friends in the future. He had his chance! Why should I waste time with a flake? I'll at least let him explain what happened but not holding out for anything more on my end! Careful. Very charming. Have fun if nothing else.
SmartDude Posted February 21, 2014 Posted February 21, 2014 Anyway we first went for coffee, we liked each other enough to go out again. Next was dinner and movies, which was also an ok date. I invited him out during the week and last minute he gave a BS excuse. That was fine with me because I was more interested in another guy I was dating. According to the last sentence of this quote, it sounds as if you were preoccupied. Maybe he was too... This is the danger of dating multiple people at once for anything more than casual fun. You can never lose, but you also never win:p
Author HappyLove Posted February 21, 2014 Author Posted February 21, 2014 According to the last sentence of this quote, it sounds as if you were preoccupied. Maybe he was too... This is the danger of dating multiple people at once for anything more than casual fun. You can never lose, but you also never win:p You never win most of the times when you put all your eggs in one basket too! But anyway later he came back proclaiming I'm the best thing since sliced bread only to disappear so...
Poppygoodwill Posted February 21, 2014 Posted February 21, 2014 See the problem isn't hte coming and going, if it was casual to start. The problem is the declaring how great you are, he's not met anyone like you...blah blah...and *then* disappearing again. He's sending very mixed signals with that sort of nonsense and frankly being irresponsible in my view. If he's keeping it so casual and he's got other irons in the fire, fine, but don't sort of lead you on with the idea that you're somehow special to him, then go 'poof' as if you are the last special thing in the world. This is what tells me he's probably not worth spending time on. 2
SmartDude Posted February 22, 2014 Posted February 22, 2014 The problem is the declaring how great you are, he's not met anyone like you...blah blah...and *then* disappearing again. As a guy, I have done this. The reason was that IT WAS TRUE, but she didn't believe it . I disappeared because of heartache.
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