mymadfatlife Posted February 21, 2014 Posted February 21, 2014 I've been dating this guy for about a month, and at first things were wonderful. He invited me out for drinks first with a group of coworkers, then after he came back from a week's vacation we went on our first date. Then after our second date, I lost my job from a lay off and gathered some extra free time meanwhile searching for a job. He on the other hand is going to school full time at a prestigious university meanwhile close to graduating, working full time and living with his family. He's 26 (I'm 21), and his father is on a board for a well known non profit in the area, which all of his other family helps out as well and of course so does he. The grocery store he works at constantly changes his hours around his school schedule, and his commute from home to work is at least an hour. After our second date and my lay off, I found myself beng the one who always asked him to go out. I wasn't bothered by this at first, seeing as I wasn't going to school or had a job, yet he was very supportive nor seem concerned that I didn't have a job. It would always be spur of the moment dates, usually just when he got off work or when he didn't have a busy day the next morning. After our fourth date I asked him if he wanted to do something, and all he said was that he was in Houston. We're fairly new in this relationship or dating and I had noticed I was the one who was always texting him first and he would respond when he was on break at work or off school, but he would always make it a point to respond back to me (needless to say he has time to text me back and forth for a bit but not initiative to text me first?) I don't want to give every single detail, but after the fourth date I asked him if he wanted to do something for valentine's day (this was on the 12th) and he answered that he was swamped (school, work, family) and couldn't. He apologized, but did not offer a follow up date or permanent reschedule. That was the last time that we spoke (the 14th), after I stopped texting him, I haven't heard from him since. During the time that we see each other in person, it's was wonderful and he established that he was interested in me and pursing a long term relationship. However, is someone really so busy that they can't make time to send a simple text or phone call to make plans? I've been trying to keep busy myself to keep my mind off of it between trying to find a job and other things, but I still find small or certain parts of the day where I think about him and wonder if he's doing the same, or if he's really just that busy. I understand that we're in a new relationship, but still it feels the exact opposite of the "honeymoon" phase and feels like we're already drifting apart so soon. It makes me question whether if he was really interested at all or if he's just at a busy point in his life. I can handle someone being a workaholic, but right now it feels as if I'm not even a priority in his life at all and if things are already over between us. I haven't brought up this to him because I don't want to add any more pressure or stress to him, but if I don't talk to him, he won't talk to me first. I don't know whether if I'm being selfish or clingy trying to make excuses for him that he's still interested, or if I'm being played and he's just not interested anymore. If anyone has advice, I would appreciate it so much.
LoveAtWork Posted February 21, 2014 Posted February 21, 2014 Only dating about a month you should still be early in the honeymoon phase. Unfortunately if he's seriously driven it will always be a convenient excuse that is hard to rebut if he says he's too busy. I'd say continue to keep your options open but continue on with him as you see fit. You're young and it's only been a month, who knows what will happen! He will make time if he wants.. if he always uses the busy excuse, might be time to slow your communication to him and see if he will make the effort.
Leigh 87 Posted February 21, 2014 Posted February 21, 2014 He's just not that into you. Trust me. He's definitely not that interested. I guarantee that if he met a girl he was really into he'd make the time to see her, even if it was just once a week, and with only brief and infrequent texts (he'd still manage to text her every day). 2
scooby-philly Posted February 21, 2014 Posted February 21, 2014 I'd caution you against swinging to hard one way or the other. Yes, if you are doing all the work slow down. See how he responds. If he doesn't respond well, let him know. The relationships that last are based on a mutual understanding that it's not always a 50/50 split but love and care for each other when the times are tough. Don't buy the hype he's not than into you. Yes, he may not be, but things take time. The honeymoon phase doesn't always need to be intense to the point of overwhelming.
MissBee Posted February 21, 2014 Posted February 21, 2014 I've been dating this guy for about a month, and at first things were wonderful. He invited me out for drinks first with a group of coworkers, then after he came back from a week's vacation we went on our first date. Then after our second date, I lost my job from a lay off and gathered some extra free time meanwhile searching for a job. He on the other hand is going to school full time at a prestigious university meanwhile close to graduating, working full time and living with his family. He's 26 (I'm 21), and his father is on a board for a well known non profit in the area, which all of his other family helps out as well and of course so does he. The grocery store he works at constantly changes his hours around his school schedule, and his commute from home to work is at least an hour. After our second date and my lay off, I found myself beng the one who always asked him to go out. I wasn't bothered by this at first, seeing as I wasn't going to school or had a job, yet he was very supportive nor seem concerned that I didn't have a job. It would always be spur of the moment dates, usually just when he got off work or when he didn't have a busy day the next morning. After our fourth date I asked him if he wanted to do something, and all he said was that he was in Houston. We're fairly new in this relationship or dating and I had noticed I was the one who was always texting him first and he would respond when he was on break at work or off school, but he would always make it a point to respond back to me (needless to say he has time to text me back and forth for a bit but not initiative to text me first?) I don't want to give every single detail, but after the fourth date I asked him if he wanted to do something for valentine's day (this was on the 12th) and he answered that he was swamped (school, work, family) and couldn't. He apologized, but did not offer a follow up date or permanent reschedule. That was the last time that we spoke (the 14th), after I stopped texting him, I haven't heard from him since. During the time that we see each other in person, it's was wonderful and he established that he was interested in me and pursing a long term relationship. However, is someone really so busy that they can't make time to send a simple text or phone call to make plans? I've been trying to keep busy myself to keep my mind off of it between trying to find a job and other things, but I still find small or certain parts of the day where I think about him and wonder if he's doing the same, or if he's really just that busy. I understand that we're in a new relationship, but still it feels the exact opposite of the "honeymoon" phase and feels like we're already drifting apart so soon. It makes me question whether if he was really interested at all or if he's just at a busy point in his life. I can handle someone being a workaholic, but right now it feels as if I'm not even a priority in his life at all and if things are already over between us. I haven't brought up this to him because I don't want to add any more pressure or stress to him, but if I don't talk to him, he won't talk to me first. I don't know whether if I'm being selfish or clingy trying to make excuses for him that he's still interested, or if I'm being played and he's just not interested anymore. If anyone has advice, I would appreciate it so much. Don't make excuses for him, he's not interested anymore. I understand how sometimes it can be confusing and we try to hold on to what the person "used to do" and use that as a measuring stick even though they're no longer doing it, but I have had enough experience to know that NOBODY is THAT busy! I understand you can be a workaholic and have tons on your plate but you make time for what you want to make time for. Plain and simple. You also communicate when you're into someone and don't want them to lose interest. Even if you have no control over your schedule or can't meet up as often as you'd like, when you are REALLY into someone, you will find time, find ways and let them know that's what you're trying to do. I have been the busy one myself and trust me, when I'm into a man, I find a way, even if it is to choose not to do something else so that I can spend time with him instead. If I'm not that into him though, I leave it at "I'm pretty busy" or I respond when he initiates or see him when I see him. I know you like him and you want to be on the same page but it doesn't seem like you guys are and I'd leave it at that.
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