m141a Posted February 21, 2014 Posted February 21, 2014 Hey everyone. I have been talking with a woman I met on an online dating site, and we exchanged messages for a while. Lately we have been talking or texting daily, and we seem to really hit things off great. I popped the question about meeting up, and we are planning on meeting up next Thursday. She will be working the next two weekends, so this day worked best for her. She hinted at the idea that we could meet up and grab a drink, but no plans have been established yet. I'd prefer not to meet up at a bar or a club, just for the fact they are noisy and and you have to yell back and forth to be heard. I'd really like to go somewhere where we could actually talk and enjoy ourselves without too much pressure. Going to dinner isn't an option, she didn't seem to want to do that. I thought of a few places, but haven't mentioned them to her yet. 1. A small coffee shop 2. Going bowling, they also have a bar if we decide to get drinks afterwards I thought that bowling may be fun, since we could still talk and be relaxed around each other. She may not like the idea of being seen with dorky bowling shoes though, or may think it's a lame idea. I really want to make a good impression with her, and don't want to mess it up by choosing a terrible place for us to meet up for a first date. We are both in our late 20s and haven't dated in a while. I haven't been in an actual planned date in a couple years, so my skills are rusty. What kind of first date ideas would you all suggest for a Thursday evening?
CarrieT Posted February 21, 2014 Posted February 21, 2014 Don't start with bowling without knowing if it is an activity she remotely enjoys. Also, bowling alleys are LOUD so you'll have to yell at each other. And each time you aren't talking, you are away from each other, bowling. L.A.M.E. :rolleyes: It is a first meeting - not a first date. Coffee and only coffee. Then if you two are hitting it off, you might be able to suggest dinner. A first meeting needs to be somewhere quiet where you can TALK to each other, not engage in an activity. If coffee works, then - maybe - dinner. Or miniature golf (which is quieter and something you can do while still talking to one another; something you can't do if you are hefting a 15-pound ball around).
LoveAtWork Posted February 21, 2014 Posted February 21, 2014 Going to dinner isn't an option, she didn't seem to want to do that. Sounds like if she didn't want to go to dinner, which would be quieter, she's looking for more of an atmosphere for the first date. I thought of a few places, but haven't mentioned them to her yet. 1. A small coffee shop 2. Going bowling, they also have a bar if we decide to get drinks afterwards Going bowling is great, if she likes it. Sometimes springing bowling on someone can be a poor surprise if they don't like it. Make sure to have a backup plan or to suggest this early on to gauge her temperature. "Haha I went bowling last weekend and got a 300, do you bowl?" .. ok maybe not that but you know what I mean. We are both in our late 20s and haven't dated in a while. I haven't been in an actual planned date in a couple years, so my skills are rusty. What kind of first date ideas would you all suggest for a Thursday evening? Not sure what city you live in, but is there anything city related? Something I always thought was fun was "tourist-ing" in your own city where you get a cab somewhere and play tourist, discovering things you may routinely pass by (bar hopping and window shopping along the way). Granted, this works best in a large city so it may not be applicable or it could be too cold. What about a bar that has really good food? That way there are some drinks and you can get a couple random appetizers and just chat. If you can chat via text hopefully face to face is no problem. With a couple glasses of wine, you should be good!
LoveAtWork Posted February 21, 2014 Posted February 21, 2014 Or miniature golf (which is quieter and something you can do while still talking to one another; something you can't do if you are hefting a 15-pound ball around). I raise a vote for mini-golf. Or indoor rock climbing.
MissBee Posted February 21, 2014 Posted February 21, 2014 I raise a vote for mini-golf. Or indoor rock climbing. I don't have an interest in rock-climbing, but I think such a physically taxing activity is strange for a first date when the person hasn't ever said anything about liking that. I have never done it and would be annoyed if this was the plan and I don't see how one can be up in a harness, trying to climb up tiny fake rocks and "talk" casually at the same time. I'd say no to this. This is a very particular kind of activity and unless you know this person likes this, doing it on a first meet is not a good idea. She wanted drinks, so I'd do something in a similar vein not go all the way left and plan some sport or other super physical activity that is not something lots of people do normally or even like. What time is the date? If it is say between 5-7 most places with a bar are not gonna be that loud at that time so if you're worried about noise, then that may not actually be a concern if its early enough. Also going to a bar/club isn't the only place for a drink. Lots of times my friends/dates and I grab a drink at a restaurant where we can get a cozy table or sit at the bar and because it is not a bar or club primarily, but a restaurant with a bar, it's not super noisy. While coffee is cool, if it's evening, coffee is a bit weird for evening. I also know that if someone is a bit nervous having a drink is preferable and may help them to relax more than coffee would.
LoveAtWork Posted February 21, 2014 Posted February 21, 2014 I don't have an interest in rock-climbing, but I think such a physically taxing activity is strange for a first date when the person hasn't ever said anything about liking that. I will file that piece of advice away. Good point.
organizedchaos Posted February 21, 2014 Posted February 21, 2014 Agree with Carrie above. This is a first meeting, not a date. That's prob why she wasn't up for dinner. You two need to meet and in person to see if you want to progress. Coffee is the only investment you should be making at this point. If you hit it off, then suggest an activity date.
slizl Posted February 21, 2014 Posted February 21, 2014 If she is not up for dinner, sounds like she doesn't want to invest a ton of time with you on the first date. I personally think getting coffee is a super lame first date (I always meet at a bar for a drink). My first date advice: take her somewhere with lots of people around. If conversation is awkward or stale, you can always comment on the people/activities going on around you for easy conversation. I like the bowling idea (great way to compete and cheer eachother on at the same time). When she gets a strike, make sure you give her a high five (always a good way to initate touching). My guess is that she won't want to go bowling either (again, too much time invested). Good luck with the date!
deathandtaxes Posted February 21, 2014 Posted February 21, 2014 Don't take her to the loud bars, then. I know the types of bars you speak of, that are loud. Yeah, I'd avoid those places, too, for a first date. But almost any place that serves adult beverages will do. And being a first date/meet, it doesn't have to be fancy or anything. Next time, think of this stuff in advance - have a list in your head of places you want to take a lady. Then just fire one off. If she's amenable, great! If not, go down your list.
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