joeydbtown Posted February 21, 2014 Posted February 21, 2014 My girlfriend and I have been together for 5 months. Everything has been pretty good and it's been a serious commitment. Lately though, I've noticed her Instagram activity on my feed and it's a little concerning. She has been "liking" a lot of this one particular guy's photo's (selfies, random stuff, whatever) and she recently commented on two of them. One saying for him to text her cause she wants to go sledding (a selfie of him and description of going drunken sledding) and the other of her saying "looking good boys. miss you both <3 :(" (a pic of him and another guy posing). I've only heard her mention this friend once in 5 months so I'm curious if this is a red flag or not. If it is, should it be mentioned and how should I approach it? Just not trying to overreact. If I'm over-thinking please let me know. I'd really appreciate advice and opinions. This girl means the world to me.
mortensorchid Posted February 21, 2014 Posted February 21, 2014 I have made comments on Peaches Geldof's photos of her and her two babies in the hopes that she will respond to them. Maybe it's the same thing with your gf and the friend? Just a thought.
Author joeydbtown Posted February 21, 2014 Author Posted February 21, 2014 I have made comments on Peaches Geldof's photos of her and her two babies in the hopes that she will respond to them. Maybe it's the same thing with your gf and the friend? Just a thought. Right. I can understand, but Peaches Geldof is more of a celeb rather than a single male who my girlfriend knows personally and asked to text for a possible hangout in addition to commenting on his looks by saying "Looking good boys. Miss you." It just seems attention seeking for males outside of our relationship.
Versacehottie Posted February 21, 2014 Posted February 21, 2014 It's hard to tell. On one hand, it could definitely be a red flag. And I with you about not really being comfortable with it. On the other hand, it could just be an ego boost thing. Sometimes I think people like to publicly, such as with social media, show that they are of interest to guys (or girls). Because it seems harmless and acceptable, but can actually be super loaded (which is potentially why is upsetting to you, her bf). I'm not sure that I have the perfect solution. I'm imagining some combination of keeping aware of if it continues and ask her some innocent seeming questions that may give you more information about the nature of their relationship. If she keeps on in what seems like a flirty way, then probably going to have to say something to her. Good luck.
Author joeydbtown Posted February 21, 2014 Author Posted February 21, 2014 It's hard to tell. On one hand, it could definitely be a red flag. And I with you about not really being comfortable with it. On the other hand, it could just be an ego boost thing. Sometimes I think people like to publicly, such as with social media, show that they are of interest to guys (or girls). Because it seems harmless and acceptable, but can actually be super loaded (which is potentially why is upsetting to you, her bf). I'm not sure that I have the perfect solution. I'm imagining some combination of keeping aware of if it continues and ask her some innocent seeming questions that may give you more information about the nature of their relationship. If she keeps on in what seems like a flirty way, then probably going to have to say something to her. Good luck. I really appreciate your response... it is def. helpful. I will keep my eye on it, but I'm curious what kind of innocent seeming questions would I ask since it would sort of be "out of the blue."? I will def. say something to her if it continues, I'm just not sure what exactly I'd say beyond how it seems weird she's seeking attention from other guys who she claims are friends... yet I've never met them and they haven't hung out since we've been dating. I know nothing about this guy... :/ thanks
acrosstheuniverse Posted February 21, 2014 Posted February 21, 2014 Is it not possible that she still has friends you haven't heard much about yet, in five months? I know I have quite a few friends, some of whom I may see or speak to on a weekly basis and some of whom I might get in touch with once every year or so. It wouldn't be unusual at all for a boyfriend of mine to not have heard much about a particular friend in several months but me to still be in touch with them. It doesn't seem like a big deal unless you're particularly jealous, but I do think now that you have seen this and wondered, you will allow it to prey on your mind and it will eat away at you...? I don't know how other people conduct relationships but I've always felt that if something is bothering me or a partner, however small, we should feel able to bring it up, even if we are worried it makes us seem insecure, or jealous, or whatever. I know it's hard to do early on. I don't think bringing it up would put somebody off you who is really into you though, if they liked you enough they would probably be glad of the opportunity to make you feel good about it. Maybe that's just me, though. How about something like 'oh I saw your mate *name* on Instagram sledding, that's so cool! Have you guys been sledding together before? I've always wanted to try that' or something. I doubt anything weird is going on, or she wouldn't be flaunting it on Instagram.
GoreSP Posted February 21, 2014 Posted February 21, 2014 Based just on that, I would say you are over reacting. The number of men who tell me 'looking good, girl!' on my facebook when I post fancy photos is ridiculous. Not one of them actually wants to date me. This guy could simply be a long time friend you haven't heard of yet. So for now, stop being so insecure.
Versacehottie Posted February 21, 2014 Posted February 21, 2014 I really appreciate your response... it is def. helpful. I will keep my eye on it, but I'm curious what kind of innocent seeming questions would I ask since it would sort of be "out of the blue."? I will def. say something to her if it continues, I'm just not sure what exactly I'd say beyond how it seems weird she's seeking attention from other guys who she claims are friends... yet I've never met them and they haven't hung out since we've been dating. I know nothing about this guy... :/ thanks Thanks, a lot of the time social media causes unnecessary problems. On the other hand, it can also be telling and give you some clues that you would not get otherwise. That's why it's dangerous. You may be imagining something that's not what's going on OR you may be catching onto something that otherwise you may not have been privy to. And it's such a fine line. Def love/hate!! As far as her seeking attention, that could honestly have NOTHING to do with the actual guys that she gets attention from. It could simply be an EGO boost. A way to feel like she's still got it, that she's cool&friendly&fun by the interaction they've had. I would tend to lean toward this explanation for her posts. If she was doing something truly sneaky, she probably wouldn't be so public about it---unless it was the very beginning and those feelings were fully developed or she not 100% aware of them within herself. That's why I said ask innocent questions and keep your eyes peeled. I don't know, I think over-reacting or coming off as jealous isn't good either since it remains to be seen what her true motives were. That's why I wouldn't talk to her formally about it yet. But others may/do disagree with me. It's just not my style but I don't know which answer is right. I haven't liked it at all when bf's of mine act jealous. That said, in reverse, guys seem to secretly love it when their gf's act jealous to a point. Only you really know the answer to that question, as it applies to both of you, whether addressing it directly & now is the right thing to do. As far as asking innocent questions, first of all, do you follow her on instagram already? I'm assuming yes since you have been together 5 months. If so, what the person above me said is good. Say something about sledding & ask a few harmless questions & make some harmless comments about wanting to do that in the future & then you can say "oh sounds like you had fun with your old friends when you guys did it before" and then let her tell you the story. You should get a feel for whether it's nostaglia, trying to making you jealous, an actual threatening connection between them or just a memory of a happy time & some friends you haven't heard about yet. I would probably gauge it based on whether she is excited&willing to tell you the story or reluctant to say anything. You could get into that part of the discussion by either saying something about winter olympics and snow sports/activities OR talking about cool/funny stuff posted on your, her or another friends instagram recently and segway from there. If you don't have an instagram or don't follow her then it's going to be trickier to bring the subject up. What I would do in that case, is ask her about her life before. Like if those friends are from college years, start reminiscening about college years and friends, have a give/take conversation and see what comes up. At 5 months, in all honesty, you are still getting to know each other, and i think what you are feeling is normal. While you don't want to mess things up by being jealous or insecure, it's a trust building time. Here's the real thing though, if she is the type to do stuff behind your back, there's nothing you really can do to change that. And consider yourself lucky if you find out sooner than later. You need to protect yourself to an extent by knowing who you are truly dealing with so you can DECIDE how you want to proceed. But if she proves trustworthy but the posts still bother you even though you've found out that they are legitimately harmless, then i would stay off her instagram. Some people just have a tendency to have jealousy triggered by certain things and if you find you're being irrational about it, avoid the trigger. Good luck.
LEEVIT2F8 Posted February 21, 2014 Posted February 21, 2014 She might be checking out. On facebook I've seen this quite a few times. A woman will start liking all my posts, then pics, then usually an invite to something follows. At that point, if I respond they always want something more then to "hangout". She is at a minimum bored and looking at other guys. Remember women need 3 men at all times in a relationship. One for fun, one for sex, and one for love and connection. Which one do you think she is contacting him for?
Author joeydbtown Posted February 21, 2014 Author Posted February 21, 2014 Versacehottie, your response really helped me. It was long and thorough so I appreciate you taking the time to write that. Thanks. She might be checking out. On facebook I've seen this quite a few times. A woman will start liking all my posts, then pics, then usually an invite to something follows. At that point, if I respond they always want something more then to "hangout". She is at a minimum bored and looking at other guys. Remember women need 3 men at all times in a relationship. One for fun, one for sex, and one for love and connection. Which one do you think she is contacting him for? I hope you aren't right... but that's what part of me felt as well about her being bored. 1
organizedchaos Posted February 21, 2014 Posted February 21, 2014 She might be checking out. On facebook I've seen this quite a few times. A woman will start liking all my posts, then pics, then usually an invite to something follows. At that point, if I respond they always want something more then to "hangout". She is at a minimum bored and looking at other guys. Remember women need 3 men at all times in a relationship. One for fun, one for sex, and one for love and connection. Which one do you think she is contacting him for? With the critical point being, a guy needs to be all 3 to his girl. Or she will seek what's missing elsewhere. 1
Tayken Posted February 21, 2014 Posted February 21, 2014 I have made comments on Peaches Geldof's photos of her and her two babies in the hopes that she will respond to them. Maybe it's the same thing with your gf and the friend? Just a thought. Why would peaches want to answer to someone in Ohio? That is just crazy talk to us Londoners Seriously though...I hear stories like this, and am just glad that am not on any social media considering all the nonsense that goes on. I have seen it break up marriages, people being stalked, etc
what_a_blonde Posted February 22, 2014 Posted February 22, 2014 In all seriousness, I've rarely seen or heard of any straight males who post "selfies" of themselves. Just a thought... However if his sexuality isn't at all a question... I would certainly be a little worried. Her wanting to spend time with him and telling him to text her= not cool. You just don't do that with anyone of the opposite sex (unless, of course, its a sibling, cousin, etc.) when you're in a committed relationship.
Author joeydbtown Posted February 25, 2014 Author Posted February 25, 2014 In all seriousness, I've rarely seen or heard of any straight males who post "selfies" of themselves. Just a thought... However if his sexuality isn't at all a question... I would certainly be a little worried. Her wanting to spend time with him and telling him to text her= not cool. You just don't do that with anyone of the opposite sex (unless, of course, its a sibling, cousin, etc.) when you're in a committed relationship. I know they've been friends in the past. I agree that is does seem a bit off though.
Recommended Posts