blnz Posted February 21, 2014 Posted February 21, 2014 Hey there just need some sort of advice or something ... I had been going out with a guy for over a month and even I will admit things between us seemed to move fast .. you know that feeling when you feel that you have known someone for years because of how comfortable you feel with them? Well that was how it was with us. But recently he has been dealing with a lot of stress due to work and some medical issues he has had .. then all of a sudden he said he wasn't sure if he could deal with the added stress of us aswell and pushed me away. He keeps saying he doesn't know what to do, and adamant he still really likes me a lot and his mind is '****ed' right now. He ended it with me saying how he doesn't think he can do this anymore due to his stresses. I asked him if he thinks after he is under less pressure will he maybe chance his mind or realise he has made a mistake.. he keeps saying he doesn't know and cant even talk about it. What should I do .. this has come all of sudden out of blue. Do I give up on him or wait for him? Hardest situation ever!
ExpatInItaly Posted February 21, 2014 Posted February 21, 2014 It hurts, but you need to move on. Don't ever wait around for someone after they've told you something like this. I got the same spiel after almost 8 years with my ex. I considered waiting for the stress and health issues to pass, then remembered that he chose to end it and I wasn't getting any younger! I am glad now that I chose not to wait around. 2 years post-breakup and he has never come back wanting to reconcile. I've moved on and am happier now. 1
Nicki73562 Posted February 21, 2014 Posted February 21, 2014 I wouldn't wait around even though it is difficult. It will hurt you if you just wait and wonder and if he doesn't come back it will break you more.
Itspointless Posted February 21, 2014 Posted February 21, 2014 Hey there just need some sort of advice or something ... I had been going out with a guy for over a month and even I will admit things between us seemed to move fast .. you know that feeling when you feel that you have known someone for years because of how comfortable you feel with them? Well that was how it was with us. But recently he has been dealing with a lot of stress due to work and some medical issues he has had .. then all of a sudden he said he wasn't sure if he could deal with the added stress of us aswell and pushed me away. He keeps saying he doesn't know what to do, and adamant he still really likes me a lot and his mind is '****ed' right now. He ended it with me saying how he doesn't think he can do this anymore due to his stresses. I asked him if he thinks after he is under less pressure will he maybe chance his mind or realise he has made a mistake.. he keeps saying he doesn't know and cant even talk about it. What should I do .. this has come all of sudden out of blue. Do I give up on him or wait for him? Hardest situation ever! Sounds very familiar. See my thread in the coping section. As in my case, how can you wait as the other does not even want to think about it. Well I say it as it is easy, I still struggle with it myself.
Never Again Posted February 21, 2014 Posted February 21, 2014 Fade away. Do the 180 and stop talking to him, or at least make your responses brief and limited. This is NOT a way to get him back...it's a way to give yourself the distance to heal. It has the side benefit of showing him that, after only a month of dating, you're not a crazy person who NEEDS him. You like him, you want him, but you don't NEED him...so show him that. He'll get it, and he'll either see you becoming distant and do something about it, or he'll let you go. Stress is a big relationship killer nowadays - with how busy our lives are, with how much we all want to achieve and how hard we push ourselves, stress is higher now that it's ever been before...and it kills all love/attraction. People don't know how to work together to manage it or rebuild a relationship around it, so they leave. Alternatively, stress is also a convenient excuse for people who want to bail but don't want to be honest about why. 1
flightplan Posted February 21, 2014 Posted February 21, 2014 Alternatively, stress is also a convenient excuse for people who want to bail but don't want to be honest about why. This exactly. If he loved and adored you, he would find a way to be with you. Chances are he can't bring himself to tell you exactly how he feels because he's afraid of hurting you. This is the best way he knows how to tell you it's over. 1
Itspointless Posted February 21, 2014 Posted February 21, 2014 This exactly. If he loved and adored you, he would find a way to be with you. Thats what I always thought, untill I learnt about avoidantly attachted people. Stress and avoidant attachment works in a opposite way.
robaday Posted February 21, 2014 Posted February 21, 2014 Im in that guys situation. Employer told me my contract wont be renewed and as such I may have to leave the country I live in in 6 months. Have been dating someone four months. Its really tricky situation, I dont know whether I am doing the right thing continuing to see her if I may not even be here in six months, I dont want to waste her time. He might feel he cant make you a priority and as you havent been dating long he probably figures its best to let you go now rather than drag it out. Crap situation but hes probably being honest, when you have a lot of stress in your life you dont want to waste other people's time or disappoint them by cancelling dates etc
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