Starrdust Posted February 21, 2014 Posted February 21, 2014 I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 10 months. We moved in with each other after 2 months. I'm really worried about the relationship. He's a good lovely person but my gut feelings lead my to think otherwise and horrible things. Before I met my boyfriend he was smoking cigarettes, heavy drinker, taking weed and a heavier stoner. I didn't know this in the first month of the relationship as it was long distance. We chatted a lot on the phone and I fell for him. When I found out he did all those things my heartbroke as I'm very health conscious, never taken drugs or smoke and have previously lost family members to this. I told him how I felt and he said he's been wanting to quit and get healthy for a long time. He promised me after that conversation that he had now quit. A week after we went on a night out and I caught him smoking behind my back. I was soo upset as I felt like he was trying to deceive me. he was doing it behind my back. We argued, cried and he promised that he wouldn't smoke again. I believed him and 9 months on he's been smoke free ( we live together and spend a lot of time together, so I kind of believe he's quit). I am very proud of him if that's the case but why do I get a feeling that he's lying or he's going to deceive me again? He's friends came up this weekend and one of the girls said that my boyfriend got in a fight with one of his friends for a cigarette. I didn't know about this event and it happened after he said he quit. I asked him and he said " it was in the early stages on quiting and I didn't bother telling you because I never smoked the fag, I swear on my mums soul " .. I believe him again... Why do I feel soo scared he's lying to me? When there's no actual evidence. I watched a programme of drugs today and they said you nose can get damaged and your nostrils become big when taking cocaine. I all of a sudden got worried and asked to see nose. All these horrible scared thoughts came into my mind that he's taking cocaine. He took it twice when he was a teenager hence I'm scared hell try it again. One of his nostrils did look bigger than the other but I don't know if that just me look at it too closely and making judgement quickly. Everytime I ask him about my worries he gets sooo angry. He says " I've told you the truth so many times, I'm sick of you not trusting and respecting me." He has a real anger problem so I can't talk to him about this without him shouting and calling me names. He's stopped drinking that much and he seems to be healthier. But I'm scared he's just doing it as a front for me and not actually for himself. I hope it's for himself and what he wants. when were apart I'm scared he'll do something stupid like do drugs, smoke or get so drunk. I always feel like he's lying to me or is going to deceive me in some way? I'm scared hell get so drunk one day that he cheats and hurts me by doing stupid stuff. Do you think there's any truth to my gut feeling or is it paranoia? Why is this gut feeling there? How do I resolve this? Please give me some guidance on this because I love the bones of him.
Eternal Sunshine Posted February 21, 2014 Posted February 21, 2014 This sounds like an awful relationship for both of you. 3
ExpatInItaly Posted February 21, 2014 Posted February 21, 2014 Why did you move in together so quickly? I think there are many things wrong with this picture. I'd say you're quite insecure and you made a huge step without really knowing him; your doubts and anxieties are manifesting themselves in making leaps about his behavior. He lied about smoking a cigarette, so you're now also worried that he'll get so drunk that he'll cheat on you? That doesn't make a heck of a lot of sense. You're going to create a self-fulfilling prophecy if you keep that up. Nobody wants to live like that, either as the overly-suspicious party or as the target of false accusations. Also, you say he has an anger problem. Can you elaborate on that? What has he said or done to demonstrate that? You need to protect yourself first and foremost. If his anger is truly an issue, it would not be wise to stick around. It doesn't sound like a very happy relationship. You're going to exhaust yourself with constant worrying and he'll get tired very quickly of being scrutinized.
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