rumbleseat Posted February 21, 2014 Posted February 21, 2014 If you have dealt with infidelity in your m, have come out the other side, and have a positive story to share, please do. In my case, we are planning a big vacation with our kids. 2
katielee Posted February 21, 2014 Posted February 21, 2014 I'm not on the other side, however my mother has turned into my rock through this. We weren't close before. We are now ... she is a BS who cut and run, with four little kids in tow. Maybe some of her advice isn't helpful. But the fact that that she's there, giving advice? That's all I need sometimes..... 7
gettingstronger Posted February 21, 2014 Posted February 21, 2014 13 months post DDay and although we have a long way to go I have to say my husband has done lots of growing and changing. He has always been kind of an avoider, not great at expressing his feelings. In the last few months our discussions have been just that, discussions.... Not fights, not crying fests, but real heartfelt discussions that although are painful are calm and reassuring to both of us. 4
underwater2010 Posted February 21, 2014 Posted February 21, 2014 I no longer feel like it is me against the odds. It is now US. He helps figure out the bills, cleans and takes even more time with the kids. 5
experiencethedevine Posted February 21, 2014 Posted February 21, 2014 The scars of such a gargantuan trauma do fade into obscurity, and we have not only built a better life for ourselves out of the ashes of my husband's affair, we have developed a profound understanding of its meaning. Nearly 16 years after the event, my husband and I couldn't possibly want for more. We are succesfully recovered, very much 'in love' with one another, and we are devotedly mindful and respectful. We thank our lucky stars every day that we have the life we share. Four wonderful adult children close to us, and two beautiful little grandchildren to adore, fit and healthy in respect of our ages, a beautiful home, professionally successful,and with much to look forward to. We are terribly fortunate. 6
Author rumbleseat Posted February 21, 2014 Author Posted February 21, 2014 The scars of such a gargantuan trauma do fade into obscurity, and we have not only built a better life for ourselves out of the ashes of my husband's affair, we have developed a profound understanding of its meaning. Nearly 16 years after the event, my husband and I couldn't possibly want for more. We are succesfully recovered, very much 'in love' with one another, and we are devotedly mindful and respectful. We thank our lucky stars every day that we have the life we share. Four wonderful adult children close to us, and two beautiful little grandchildren to adore, fit and healthy in respect of our ages, a beautiful home, professionally successful,and with much to look forward to. We are terribly fortunate. We are in the same position, with a few of the small details of our lives being a bit different. 2
experiencethedevine Posted February 21, 2014 Posted February 21, 2014 We are in the same position, with a few of the small details of our lives being a bit different. Feels jolly good doesn't it? Earned through diligence, tenacity and dedication. We deserve it! 2
DasPope Posted February 21, 2014 Posted February 21, 2014 Positives ... well its only been 2 weeks for me since I found out but I'd say we both know each other a lot better now which is something I didn't think was possible and ... we have had a lot of sex. Still a daily struggle but certainly not torturous. 1
Fluttershy Posted February 21, 2014 Posted February 21, 2014 5 plus years past. It has the feeling that it happened to someone else. Our marriage is strong and the A is non important. xOW and her H are non important. I am stronger and more independent. And no longer try to be a cool wife and he doesn't lie to himself. We now know what boundaries are. 3
snappytomcat Posted February 21, 2014 Posted February 21, 2014 dday was last june,and things have gotten a lot better,its not easy at times,but we both are working hard,and growing stronger together,next week will be our 20th anniversary,and his bday the day after,and tehn my bday the day after his,and hes planning a surprise getaway,i hate surprises,but he says its somewhere that we both love,especially me 4
eleanorrigby Posted February 21, 2014 Posted February 21, 2014 We can watch movies with infidelity as the theme and not get fidgety anymore, we can talk about affairs in general without getting nervous. That was a taboo subject for a long, long, while. (probably why I sought out forums for so many years. I needed to talk, and talk, about it. Someone mentioned the other day that it's like vets sharing war stories. I can get behind that idea.) When we are having issues, I don't automatically default to wondering if he's cheating anymore. That feels good. When we have issues, I don't feel compelled to try to bring the affair into the conversation anymore. I don't think about it everyday anymore. That might sound contradictory because I'm here almost every day reading, and sometimes sharing my experiences. The difference now is I'm reaching into my memory deliberately and thinking of infidelity. Before, I felt assaulted daily by infidelity thoughts, no control over when the thoughts would come, no control on how to get them to leave. It's finally not like that. I think about it when I want to. That feels incredible. 4
experiencethedevine Posted February 21, 2014 Posted February 21, 2014 dday was last june,and things have gotten a lot better,its not easy at times,but we both are working hard,and growing stronger together,next week will be our 20th anniversary,and his bday the day after,and tehn my bday the day after his,and hes planning a surprise getaway,i hate surprises,but he says its somewhere that we both love,especially me[/quote Ooooh! How exciting! I'm terribly envious! I love surprises! Do just soak this one up darling, and have a fabulous time! 1
snappytomcat Posted February 21, 2014 Posted February 21, 2014 dday was last june,and things have gotten a lot better,its not easy at times,but we both are working hard,and growing stronger together,next week will be our 20th anniversary,and his bday the day after,and tehn my bday the day after his,and hes planning a surprise getaway,i hate surprises,but he says its somewhere that we both love,especially me[/quote Ooooh! How exciting! I'm terribly envious! I love surprises! Do just soak this one up darling, and have a fabulous time! thank you!!!!!! 2
experiencethedevine Posted February 21, 2014 Posted February 21, 2014 thank you!!!!!! Do come back with all the loveliness of it, and tell us all so that we can be envious together! It might even give the rest of us some ideas, and congratulations on your anniversary also. 20 years of your investment in your marriage is truly a milestone to celebrate in consideration of what you have endured is it not? 2
compulsivedancer Posted February 21, 2014 Posted February 21, 2014 We just bought a house together and are planning again for the future. I no longer fear that we'll break up and I'll be stuck with a mortgage for a house I don't live in. Instead, we're busy renovating and building H's career and finally making our house OUR home. 2
waterwoman Posted February 21, 2014 Posted February 21, 2014 Positives: he is 100% mine. 100%. No room for doubt. TBH I don't think that really changed for him. She was a little distraction, just how little was proved by how rapidly it ended when I found out. The doubt was in my mind only. Negatives: I am not sure if I want him 100% . Hey ho....life's a bitch and then you die.....
veritas lux mea Posted February 21, 2014 Posted February 21, 2014 We just bought a house together and are planning again for the future. I no longer fear that we'll break up and I'll be stuck with a mortgage for a house I don't live in. Instead, we're busy renovating and building H's career and finally making our house OUR home. Hey, did you stop googleing your ex yet? I did. And stopped catfishing him too:p Positives for me are we are very much in love and doing well. Took advice from here and have a surprise vacation to Italy planned! We have never made it across the ocean. 1
Author rumbleseat Posted February 22, 2014 Author Posted February 22, 2014 5 plus years past. It has the feeling that it happened to someone else. Our marriage is strong and the A is non important. xOW and her H are non important. I am stronger and more independent. And no longer try to be a cool wife and he doesn't lie to himself. We now know what boundaries are. It sounds like you have found the key. You are honest with each other and yourselves.
Author rumbleseat Posted February 22, 2014 Author Posted February 22, 2014 Thanks for all the responses. I once heard it said that a M that can survive an A can really go on to thrive. Seems there are some good examples of that here. If you don't mind me asking, what do you feel were the most important factors in being able reconcile and move forward? I also welcome input from an bs who realized that staying together after the A wasn't the right thing for them. How did you find the courage to take that step and move forward in your life?
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