alexjames Posted February 20, 2014 Posted February 20, 2014 (edited) I'm 21 years old (22 next month). I work full time, and am hoping to get onto a managers course in a few months, after having a chat with the boss last week. I'm in the UK if it makes any difference. I've had 2 girlfriends (One lasted 9 months and the other only 3 months, and they both ended last year, one in Feb and the other in October) I met the first online, an the second was via a workmate, so I have never actually met a girl in the ''normal'' way. I have been trying online for about 3 months now, and have contacted hundreds of girls (no exaggeration). Every message I send is unique and ask things about her profile, and my profile is very detailed. I have pictures on there, of me doing things such as at sport grounds etc, and I am dressed decently etc in all of them. I look very young though, and some people make comments saying I look about 16! I have only had a handful of replies, and they have all sizzled out after a few messages. When I go out with my mates to bars, clubs etc, I have never got any female attention and I am very low in confidence. So what I'm asking, is how can I actually meet someone? How do I attract people? This is proving an impossible task! I have a good career, unfortunately I still live at home, but if this job pays off, hopefully in a year/2 I will be in a position to move out. But all I dream about is meeting a nice girl to settle down with. I'm not the type of guy to go and ''hook up'' I want to fall in love!! But it just seems impossible for me Edited February 20, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Paragraphs and move to ISO
Tayken Posted February 20, 2014 Posted February 20, 2014 Go to page 2 or 3 of the forum and you will see similar threads with loads of answer from us to guys like yourself. I can tell you this though.....you need CONFIDENCE, lots of it and you have to look presentable always....no hobo look is going to get you a girl
d0nnivain Posted February 20, 2014 Posted February 20, 2014 Do you have any interests or hobbies? Join an in person (as opposed to OL) group about these things? Are you passionate about any causes? Volunteer to do work for a group involved in those things -- politics, caring for animals, cleaning up the environment, art etc. If you like a sport, join a club that plays the sport. You will meet like minded people. Ask people you know if they know any nice women they could introduce you to. Your buddies' GFs would probably enjoy playing match-maker. Next time you are in a pub, try something daring like saying hello to a cute girl. You don't have to have a line or be smooth. It's a learning curve, just say "hi." build on that confidence. In a few weeks maybe ask about some current event or the soccer match on TV or the latest thing you royals did.
Scales Posted February 20, 2014 Posted February 20, 2014 Open up your opportunities. How many girls are you talking to every week that you are trying to get numbers from? I'm guessing not many. Girls aren't going to give you attention at clubs or bars they have all the power. You have to be the aggressor no matter what. If you have super low confidence then that might be your first issue to work on. Are you placing all your value on having a girlfriend or not? I have also noticed a lot of guys who often have trouble are the ones who are relationship minded and against hooking up. That is a complete disadvantage in this era. People, especially in their 20s, are about hooking up and are attracted to personalities that convey hooking up. Guys who are relationship minded tend to withhold their sexuality and don't end up being aggressive enough to create attraction. Here is my general advice. Create more opportunities with women every week, focus more on what women are attracted to rather than searching for a relationship, and stop caring about what they think. You will succeed. 1
Author alexjames Posted February 20, 2014 Author Posted February 20, 2014 I'll try and reply to the answers I have so far had in one reply haha! Thank you by the way for the replies so far. The trouble is, I work every day Monday-Friday, 10 hours each week, as part of management/supervising, so I often have to do more hours. Then on A Saturday, I go to my football teams' game. I follow them, home and away, with my friend, and Football (soccer to any Americans!) is my main interest, As I say, I follow them all over the country. So that only really leaves Sunday that I'm free, and nobody does anything on a Sunday, I go to the pub with some mates, but are the only ones out!. If I go clubbing, I try and dance with the girls, sometimes, they might do a little bit of dancing against me etc, but not really 'with' me. To the first answer- I don't look like a ''hobo''. I go out in a nice pair of jeans, and a smart shirt etc, I try and make my hair look decent, but I cant have a face makeover, so if its the way my face looks, then you are saying I have no chance then! I really don't want a hook up though. Whats the point in going out in a club, meeting a girl for sex (probably wouldn't even be her first that night!) and walk off? Probably catch all sorts in this town too!! Surely a club when everyone is in a drunken state isn't the only place to meet though, except for joining sports clubs etc etc?!
d0nnivain Posted February 21, 2014 Posted February 21, 2014 Can you chat up the other spectators at the football matches?
Author alexjames Posted February 21, 2014 Author Posted February 21, 2014 I'm always sat next to my mate and there is a very small following of girls around my age unfortunately, plus you are allocated seats, so it's very unlikely you will be so lucky to be sitting next to a girl similar age and single who lives in my area etc!
d0nnivain Posted February 21, 2014 Posted February 21, 2014 I'm always sat next to my mate and there is a very small following of girls around my age unfortunately, plus you are allocated seats, so it's very unlikely you will be so lucky to be sitting next to a girl similar age and single who lives in my area etc! So get up & go to the loo or the snack bar. Chat with the girl standing in line to get into the stadium.
Author alexjames Posted February 21, 2014 Author Posted February 21, 2014 So get up & go to the loo or the snack bar. Chat with the girl standing in line to get into the stadium. Might seem a strange question haha, but are you American? sports here and in America are very different in the way the crowds interact and blend. Over here, before the game you go to the pub (well we do anyway!), have a couple of pints and chat to the other guys in the bar about the game. You then head to the stadium and walk straight in, get another drink in the bar in the ground (it is so busy that you can hardly move, let alone chat!) and after that go straight to your seat and you don't really leave that seat until the game is over where everyone just walks off, so there is never really much chance of that happening unfortunately. I can guess you may say to chat to girls in the pub, but over here, footy fans can be pretty loud and ''in your face'' so it puts most girls off going to pubs before a football game as it can be very intimidating, especially if fans of the opposition are in the vicinity ahah!
d0nnivain Posted February 21, 2014 Posted February 21, 2014 Yes, I'm American. I have never been to one of your football games but I have seen plenty of women in pubs in the UK cheering just as loudly for their team as any of the guys. All I'm saying is if you won't give up going to all the games to devote more time to finding a GF (& I'm not saying you have to but you admit that following your team takes up a good bit of your free time), then you have to seize the opportunities you have by talking to the women who show up where you are.
Author alexjames Posted February 21, 2014 Author Posted February 21, 2014 I see what you are saying, but Football is the biggest thing I enjoy, it gives me something to look forward too and a great topic of conversation with mates etc, so no way am I quitting going! Women will watch games in pubs, but that's different to being in a pub before the game, when there are hundreds of people in there getting ready to go to the game. Before a game, you can be in a pub dedicated to away fans, and all of a sudden get the ''home fans'' come into the pub looking for fights (look up Millwall fans or Leeds fans fights on google!) so the reputations do stop a lot of women unfortunately
Author alexjames Posted February 22, 2014 Author Posted February 22, 2014 Think I must be doing something seriously wrong on my online dating effort! I message all these people and get no replies, but the sites I use tell me when someone views my profile, and most users I message view my profile afterwards, so maybe my profile is bad, but I think its pretty good ahah! My pictures aren't brilliant, but you can't take a nice picture of a pile of muck! Not saying I'm a pile of muck, but you get the point! Shame you cant get a profile review anywhere really! 1
kart180 Posted February 22, 2014 Posted February 22, 2014 Think I must be doing something seriously wrong on my online dating effort! I message all these people and get no replies, but the sites I use tell me when someone views my profile, and most users I message view my profile afterwards, I am like that, I used OKC for about a month now and had no messages, I have a good pic nice profile but still no response. I have no stopped online dating completely, I really dont know what to do. Just at witts end
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