vampiremoon9 Posted January 20, 2005 Posted January 20, 2005 After 3 long years I had to end a relationship that was going no where. It held no passion or fire anymore and the guy was not showing affection or attention to me. We'd share a bed but yet intimacy was slowly trickling down to nothing. As time moved on I began to see that what I had been most guilty of was trying to build upon a relationship around the man I thought he could be, but failed to notice the man he had become. Just because we shared a bed did not make it a committed relationship and his distance in and out of the bedroom was a clear sign he was no longer in love with me. So calmly and with a steady voice even though my insides were melting I sadly ended my 3yr relationship a week ago. But I had one thing more to deal with, and that was we still had legal ties to the town home we shared and I was held bound to the home by a lease agreement till this coming May. So I set into motion that we'd be best friends. I felt it best since we still had several months to go before our lease was up to renew. I told him that if I am unable to acquire the apartment I'm interested in and have to wait for a few more months that he'd go sign the "roommate release agreement sheet" at the office. This paper would legally let me stay in the town home and say within a few months I decided to leave I could without obligation financially. He seemed okay with this decision. He told me in a baby like voice trying to sound loving and endearingly cute that he still loved me and wished it had not come to this and tried to cuddle up to me as a form of comfort. I told him to stop and told him I knew he never loved me and I knew he never intended to marry me either and I think the show of emotional attachment is pretty lame. I was beside myself with greif and looking lonliness in the eye and that realization hurt the most. Now days later he seems happy even content and goes about like nothing transpired between us. I'm however an emotional wreak and feeling the loss so deeply it chokes me at times. He now seems to be willing to be most helpful and talks like there is real concern or caring in his voice. Why is it that after I end it he seems to come alive and while we were together he all but went cold. How do I seperate myself from my weak heart and neediness and stand tall confident and walk with my head held high. Without all the fan fare a tears. I read once that the one who feels the least love is the one in control, I want to upset that balance and be in control.
Merin Posted January 20, 2005 Posted January 20, 2005 While you're right that sharing a bed doesn't mean committment.. I do wonder if in your mind (and theres nothing wrong with that) that what means love, shows love and adds up to committment is marriage? IMO this could be a big part of the problem here.. (but.. uh.. LOL I've been wrong before) is it possible that you don't/didn't feel your BF loved you "enough" if he wasn't willing to get married? Could it be that in his mind.. marriage doesn't/didn't equal love and committment to you? People fall in Love.. the honeymoon is great.. then the reality of life sets in, and often it is one or the other "carrying the relationship" at times.. when you told him you know he NEVER loved you.. IMO that was unfair.. and when you followed up with you knew he never intended to marry you.. this could have been the first time it really occured to him, that NOT getting married made you feel that he wasn't/isn't committed to this.. Moving on.. I cannot imagine a worse place to be when ending a long term relationship then living with them.. IMO it is next to impossible to move on and let go.. because although you "ended things" there isn't any seperation or division of ways.. niether you nor he can really step back from the relationship and start to see things in a different way... Why does he act the same or happy.. again my opionion.. but isn't possible that although you told him it was over.. what he is seeing, is you're still there.. and in his mind, he may think you will stay.. so.. it hasn't hit him yet.. because really.. nothing (in his mind) has changed. IF you're serious about wanting to end things.. then I would advise moving out. Even if its in with a friend or family member for a bit until you can get your own place.. Good Luck
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