Versacehottie Posted February 21, 2014 Posted February 21, 2014 It's funny you posted this today, my friend got dumped by his ex 6 years ago, he has not seen or heard from her since, until today. This morning he called me and the first thing out of his mouth was "guess who contacted me on facebook?" I said "your ex" he said "yeah, it's been 6 years and she forwarded an ad about a certain musician that I like who will be performing near us." This friend of mine is currently dating a new girl, they have been together for 4 years. However, he is still in love with this ex who dumped him and went cold. Like the OP, my friend took all the blame for the break up. He asked me what to do, I told him to leave the ex alone and concentrate on his current woman, to which he replied "yeah." About 30 minutes later he texts to say the ex emailed him her number. I know my friend really well, he never healed from that relationship and just like the OP he will make a mistake that he will later regret, but he has to learn, unfortunately. OP a lot of people are giving you good advice here, it probably won't make any sense now but you'll be back in a few months and it will all sink in, unfortunately. OMG! this NEW girl is 4 years NEW. I'm so pissed for her!!!!!! I think you're right, your friend will try with the ex. Guys a lot of the time really don't get over ex-gfs & it messes up NEW stuff. ugh
Winter blue Posted February 21, 2014 Posted February 21, 2014 You sound like my ex OP, and I was the new girl. Even the words you said to her are similar to what my ex said, she also said to me that we can still talk, called me her best friend. But seriously! If you have cared about her, you shouldn't have said those things, they are all about easing your own guilt. Do you really think you can keep her as a friend while trying to work it out with your now gf? how is that fair to your now gf anyway? I can tell you my ex is regretting now, after six months pasted. She is having second thoughts about dumping me to go back to her then ex, I know it because she's been contacting me non-stop. Whether I'll take back my ex is another story, but for you OP, like the others pointed out, you rushed to a decision and you are already having second thought, not a good sign. You need to stop right here, otherwise you will hurt both women and get yourself bad reputation.
hotpotato Posted February 21, 2014 Posted February 21, 2014 I want to stay friends with the new girl. Hate burning bridges. The new girl told me she thought I was over my ex which I thought I was and I wasn't I think that's kind of selfish. Leave her alone. Maybe there's a friendship years down the road, but not now. I feel bad for the girl. It hurts to be ignored like that only to be dumped.
Author mike9876 Posted February 21, 2014 Author Posted February 21, 2014 You sound like my ex OP, and I was the new girl. Even the words you said to her are similar to what my ex said, she also said to me that we can still talk, called me her best friend. But seriously! If you have cared about her, you shouldn't have said those things, they are all about easing your own guilt. Do you really think you can keep her as a friend while trying to work it out with your now gf? how is that fair to your now gf anyway? I can tell you my ex is regretting now, after six months pasted. She is having second thoughts about dumping me to go back to her then ex, I know it because she's been contacting me non-stop. Whether I'll take back my ex is another story, but for you OP, like the others pointed out, you rushed to a decision and you are already having second thought, not a good sign. You need to stop right here, otherwise you will hurt both women and get yourself bad reputation. How long were you with her before she dumped you for the ex? And I'm afraid I may regret going back to my ex
Winter blue Posted February 22, 2014 Posted February 22, 2014 How long were you with her before she dumped you for the ex? And I'm afraid I may regret going back to my ex Mike, we were together about two months. We were friends before that for about six months, so if you add them up that's about eight months of memory. It doesn't really matter how long you were together, what matters now is you in fact had rushed to a decision, and really, what makes you to think, if the relationship you had with your ex failed the first time, it might work this time?
Winter blue Posted February 22, 2014 Posted February 22, 2014 Mike, you mentioned that your ex just broke up with someone else before she got back in touch with you, if that's the case, you are most likely being used as a band aid to help her recover from the recent BU. Why do you want to be a rebound to an ex rather than starting a brand new relationship with someone you found nice and exciting?
Author mike9876 Posted February 23, 2014 Author Posted February 23, 2014 Mike, you mentioned that your ex just broke up with someone else before she got back in touch with you, if that's the case, you are most likely being used as a band aid to help her recover from the recent BU. Why do you want to be a rebound to an ex rather than starting a brand new relationship with someone you found nice and exciting? We hung out 2 days (ex) and then she broke things off with the guy she was seeing valentines day. We spent all weekend together then got back together. I guess because she only left me due to not spending enough time with her I think maybe this time will work
veggirl Posted February 23, 2014 Posted February 23, 2014 Get away from both of them. You're not functional enough to be in a relationship with anyone. I suspect you have trouble being single. yes, this, for a multitude of reasons including: We hung out 2 days (ex) and then she broke things off with the guy she was seeing valentines day. We spent all weekend together then got back together. I guess because she only left me due to not spending enough time with her I think maybe this time will work so you both just can't be alone. nothing has ACTUALLY changed. you said 4 years was rocky. you are co-dependent and so is she. you will flip flop with her and the dramatics will continue. how have the issues of your R with this chick actually been resolved?
Author mike9876 Posted February 23, 2014 Author Posted February 23, 2014 yes, this, for a multitude of reasons including: so you both just can't be alone. nothing has ACTUALLY changed. you said 4 years was rocky. you are co-dependent and so is she. you will flip flop with her and the dramatics will continue. how have the issues of your R with this chick actually been resolved? We are going to talk about compromises to make things work
veggirl Posted February 23, 2014 Posted February 23, 2014 We are going to talk about compromises to make things work well gee that sounds promising. if only it were that simple. it never occured to you two to try compromise in the 4 yrs of your up and down relationship before?
Author mike9876 Posted February 23, 2014 Author Posted February 23, 2014 well gee that sounds promising. if only it were that simple. it never occured to you two to try compromise in the 4 yrs of your up and down relationship before? Idk guess hindsight is 20/20
Mrlonelyone Posted February 23, 2014 Posted February 23, 2014 My only model for relationships is my parents and myself. While lots of people here are of an always moving on philosophy I am more forgiving. If you think the girlfriend is really now ready to make it work with you then try again. If the old girlfriend hasn't changed and still can't handle your working hours then it won't work. As others have said you are young. The thing about relationships is their isn't a script. The other thing is COMPROMISE COMPROMISE COMPROMISE. Your old girl of 4.5 years sounds like she wanted you to change in a way that you could not. The bills must be paid. If she can't compromise now then it won't work.
Author mike9876 Posted February 23, 2014 Author Posted February 23, 2014 My only model for relationships is my parents and myself. While lots of people here are of an always moving on philosophy I am more forgiving. If you think the girlfriend is really now ready to make it work with you then try again. If the old girlfriend hasn't changed and still can't handle your working hours then it won't work. As others have said you are young. The thing about relationships is their isn't a script. The other thing is COMPROMISE COMPROMISE COMPROMISE. Your old girl of 4.5 years sounds like she wanted you to change in a way that you could not. The bills must be paid. If she can't compromise now then it won't work. I hear you thank you
HappyLove Posted February 23, 2014 Posted February 23, 2014 We hung out 2 days (ex) and then she broke things off with the guy she was seeing valentines day. We spent all weekend together then got back together. I guess because she only left me due to not spending enough time with her I think maybe this time will work Wow, this is hella scary and mean. So she cheated on her last man with you for two days. What makes you think she won't do that to you? Then dumped him on Vday of all days! She sounds like a jerk. Good luck, hope you prove everyone wrong. 2
Author mike9876 Posted February 23, 2014 Author Posted February 23, 2014 Wow, this is hella scary and mean. So she cheated on her last man with you for two days. What makes you think she won't do that to you? Then dumped him on Vday of all days! She sounds like a jerk. Good luck, hope you prove everyone wrong. She wasn't exclusive with the guy so wasn't cheating in my opinion
Winter blue Posted February 23, 2014 Posted February 23, 2014 She wasn't exclusive with the guy so wasn't cheating in my opinion Do you think she was seeing you both at the same time? what does that tell you then? if she could see you both at the same time, she sounds like a player. You are blind by love (residual feeling I should say) at the moment, in a few months time you will see it's really not this simple. As the other poster pointed out, if she could hang with you prior breaking up with that guy? what makes you to think she can't do it to you?
Author mike9876 Posted February 24, 2014 Author Posted February 24, 2014 Do you think she was seeing you both at the same time? what does that tell you then? if she could see you both at the same time, she sounds like a player. You are blind by love (residual feeling I should say) at the moment, in a few months time you will see it's really not this simple. As the other poster pointed out, if she could hang with you prior breaking up with that guy? what makes you to think she can't do it to you? Well we hung out 2 days to see how things were then she broke things off with the guy
Author mike9876 Posted February 24, 2014 Author Posted February 24, 2014 Come on dude, what are you thinking? What do you mean
Author mike9876 Posted February 24, 2014 Author Posted February 24, 2014 Ditched a girl I was seeing a couple months for my ex of 4.5 years. New girl flipped out on me said she was lied to lead on etc and hurt. We are in our late twenties. Told her I wanna stay friends. A week later last night she texts me saying she's sorry she overreacted and hopes things work out with my ex and I and my job. (I hate my job) I responded "it's all good". Didn't wanna respond much and lead her on. Why is she being so mature? Was I rude
soccerrprp Posted February 24, 2014 Posted February 24, 2014 Is this the 3rd, 4th thread regarding your issue with getting back together with your ex and dumping this other girl?????? Stop it. You've been given lot's of advice. Now go follow through on one of them.
MidwestUSA Posted February 24, 2014 Posted February 24, 2014 Don't try to keep the new girl as a friend. You've apologized; now let it go. You just want to have her on the back burner. Why is she being mature? Some people just are. Work on yourself, please. 1
stillafool Posted February 24, 2014 Posted February 24, 2014 I want to stay friends with the new girl. Hate burning bridges. The new girl told me she thought I was over my ex which I thought I was and I wasn't You are not and cannot be her friend. The bridge is burned down so just move on. Hope you are happy to be back with your ex.
Author mike9876 Posted February 24, 2014 Author Posted February 24, 2014 Don't try to keep the new girl as a friend. You've apologized; now let it go. You just want to have her on the back burner. Why is she being mature? Some people just are. Work on yourself, please. I'm hoping the new girl and I can talk every once in awhile
stillafool Posted February 24, 2014 Posted February 24, 2014 I'm hoping the new girl and I can talk every once in awhile Why? Just leave the poor girl alone. You've gotten what you want so stop being so selfish and let her move on.
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