Never Again Posted February 20, 2014 Posted February 20, 2014 My ex now gf is ok with me being friends with the new girl I see you avoided the part where it was pointed out that you were being an insensitive, selfish arsehole.
TaraMaiden Posted February 20, 2014 Posted February 20, 2014 But you're being unfair to her. If she still has feelings for you being relegated to the friend-zone just keeps breaking her heart all over again....
Author mike9876 Posted February 20, 2014 Author Posted February 20, 2014 STOP STOP STOP Let's rewind that: Do you not realize how incredible selfish you're being? You shared an emotional connection with this girl. You had sex. She was developing real feelings for you and you hurt her. You decided you wanted to get back with your ex. You do not also get to decide that you WANT to be friends with this new girl. She's going to want contact with you to try and get you back. You want contact because you're attached and you want to relieve your guilt (after all, if she accept your friendship, she can't really be THAT hurt, right?). Cut the crap. You get one girl. Not one GIRLFRIEND, one GIRL. You chose, so let the new girl go completely. Personally, I'm all for second chances. However, if your breakup happened like you say...then you were dumped because your girlfriend chose to sit around and pout about how she was neglected and bored because her boyfriend wasn't showing enough interest and passion in her. Guess what? It was her job to open her mouth, communicate, and work on those issues instead of letting herself "fall out of love" and take off. She did it once, and you accept the blame for it (you still appear to accept this blame from your original post), and she'll do it again unless she accept what SHE'S done and commits to learn from it. She was just as responsible for the demise of that relationship as you are. I didn't realize after such a short period of time that the new girl had gotten to a point that I could hurt her. I was a little surprised she had such real feelings for me. I know I need to let the new girl go. I'm honestly just worried I'll look bad and regret not staying wih the new girl
Author mike9876 Posted February 20, 2014 Author Posted February 20, 2014 But you're being unfair to her. If she still has feelings for you being relegated to the friend-zone just keeps breaking her heart all over again.... She told me she has feelings for me and that she hates to admit it but would take me back if things didn't work out wih my ex
LEEVIT2F8 Posted February 20, 2014 Posted February 20, 2014 I'm not going to lie the new girl sounds like a better girl bro. But I can only base that off what I've read here. Going back with ex's is like going to the refrigerator sniffing the milk only to find out its turned sour. Then putting it back and saying to yourself maybe it will be good tomorrow!! Good luck with that... 4
TaraMaiden Posted February 20, 2014 Posted February 20, 2014 This is why in all fairness you have to let her go No Contact and let her be. To keep seeing her just keeps ripping her wounded heart open.
Never Again Posted February 20, 2014 Posted February 20, 2014 I didn't realize after such a short period of time that the new girl had gotten to a point that I could hurt her. I was a little surprised she had such real feelings for me. It may just be infatuation. That develops quickly. A past girlfriend of mine asked me to be her boyfriend after just a month of dating...and told me she loved me just a month after that. It's probably not "real love", but she's attracted and was just starting to develop a deeper bond. Hell, even if she only "kinda liked you"...you rejected her. That always hurts. I know I need to let the new girl go. Good, then do it. I'm honestly just worried I'll look bad and regret not staying wih the new girl Well, at least now you're being honest. You already look bad. You're not a bad person for dumping her, you're a bad person for trying to keep her around - dumpers are often relegated to the position of "bad guy" even if they don't deserve it. However, by trying to keep this new girl on a string as a "friend", and by being more concerned with your reputation than her well being, you're just being an awful human. Sorry. As far as the "regret not staying with the new girl" bit...are you serious? You already ditched her to be with your ex. You get to weigh your options before you choose, not after. 2
Author mike9876 Posted February 20, 2014 Author Posted February 20, 2014 I'm not going to lie the new girl sounds like a better girl bro. But I can only base that off what I've read here. Going back with ex's is like going to the refrigerator sniffing the milk only to find out its turned sour. Then putting it back and saying to yourself maybe it will be good tomorrow!! Good luck with that... I know but 4.5 years is a long time not to give a second chance.. The new girl is fantastic. Great chemistry, good sex, has her life together, good job, funny. I just gotta see with the ex
pickflicker Posted February 20, 2014 Posted February 20, 2014 I told her we can still talk. I don't wanna let her go You have to. You hurt her, now you're proposing to hurt her more. Leave her alone. You made your choice.
Never Again Posted February 20, 2014 Posted February 20, 2014 (edited) I'm not going to lie the new girl sounds like a better girl bro. But I can only base that off what I've read here. Going back with ex's is like going to the refrigerator sniffing the milk only to find out its turned sour. Then putting it back and saying to yourself maybe it will be good tomorrow!! Good luck with that... Eh, we're getting a very brief version. While I'm a fan of metaphors, the milk bit doesn't apply as a sweeping generalization. Sure, reconciliations bred from loneliness or desperation never work out...but sometimes people do grow and change and realize the value of what they once had. The OP was broken up for 8 months - I don't know if anything's actually changed, but that's plenty of time for them both to grow up some and improve their lives. This is why in all fairness you have to let her go No Contact and let her be. To keep seeing her just keeps ripping her wounded heart open. THIS. THIS THIS THIS THIS THIS. OP, it doesn't matter what you want or what you feel. You're tearing this poor girl apart. You absolutely need to just let her go. I know but 4.5 years is a long time not to give a second chance.. The new girl is fantastic. Great chemistry, good sex, has her life together, good job, funny. I just gotta see with the ex You will have to see with the ex...but you've made your choice. If it doesn't work out with your ex...then that's that. With both girls. You don't get to dump the new girl to chase your ex only to go back to the new girl if your "second chance" doesn't work out. Edited February 20, 2014 by Pfenixphire
Author mike9876 Posted February 20, 2014 Author Posted February 20, 2014 Eh, we're getting a very brief version. While I'm a fan of metaphors, the milk bit doesn't apply as a sweeping generalization. Sure, reconciliations bred from loneliness or desperation never work out...but sometimes people do grow and change and realize the value of what they once had. The OP was broken up for 8 months - I don't know if anything's actually changed, but that's plenty of time for them both to grow up some and improve their lives. THIS. THIS THIS THIS THIS THIS. OP, it doesn't matter what you want or what you feel. You're tearing this poor girl apart. You absolutely need to just let her go. You will have to see with the ex...but you've made your choice. If it doesn't work out with your ex...then that's that. With both girls. You don't get to dump the new girl to chase your ex only to go back to the new girl if your "second chance" doesn't work out. I may have made the decision based on a depression I've been in. I also had no idea the new girl was taking me seriously. Thought she saw me as casual my decision may have been different if I knew her feelings 2 weeks ago
soccerrprp Posted February 20, 2014 Posted February 20, 2014 I'm not going to lie the new girl sounds like a better girl bro. But I can only base that off what I've read here. Going back with ex's is like going to the refrigerator sniffing the milk only to find out its turned sour. Then putting it back and saying to yourself maybe it will be good tomorrow!! Good luck with that... I'm not at all certain as to how people have come to the conclusion that the new girl is the better option. She dumped the OP b/c he was negligent to which the OP has admitted. It's the ex, now, current who is doing the OP a favor and the ex, now, current who is making the mistake, if anyone. Really, if the OP feels confused, it's because his negligence was a deep seeded lack of interest in his now current gf, in which case, he screwed himself and both ladies. I can now imagine either the OP or the current gf breaking it off (AGAIN) leaving everyone confused, hurt.
Author mike9876 Posted February 20, 2014 Author Posted February 20, 2014 I'm not at all certain as to how people have come to the conclusion that the new girl is the better option. She dumped the OP b/c he was negligent to which the OP has admitted. It's the ex, now, current who is doing the OP a favor and the ex, now, current who is making the mistake, if anyone. Really, if the OP feels confused, it's because his negligence was a deep seeded lack of interest in his now current gf, in which case, he screwed himself and both ladies. I can now imagine either the OP or the current gf breaking it off (AGAIN) leaving everyone confused, hurt. This is slightly confusing to read. Are you saying I should have stuck with my new girl and not gone backwards
TaraMaiden Posted February 20, 2014 Posted February 20, 2014 (Deep SEATED.) Sorry. Sorry. Really sorry.
bluesgirl Posted February 20, 2014 Posted February 20, 2014 Yes. I wouldn't be going back to my ex! I know it's comfortable and familiar but why waste your time on someone who didn't work out in the past?
Author mike9876 Posted February 20, 2014 Author Posted February 20, 2014 Yes. I wouldn't be going back to my ex! I know it's comfortable and familiar but why waste your time on someone who didn't work out in the past? The whole 4 years was rocky. The end wasn't too bad so maybe this time will be different
Never Again Posted February 20, 2014 Posted February 20, 2014 I'm not at all certain as to how people have come to the conclusion that the new girl is the better option. She dumped the OP b/c he was negligent to which the OP has admitted. It's the ex, now, current who is doing the OP a favor and the ex, now, current who is making the mistake, if anyone. Really, if the OP feels confused, it's because his negligence was a deep seeded lack of interest in his now current gf, in which case, he screwed himself and both ladies. I can now imagine either the OP or the current gf breaking it off (AGAIN) leaving everyone confused, hurt. I'll agree, it is a bit confusing to read, but I agree with some points: I don't understand how people have decided that one girl is better than the other, except that one is NEW (and he lists her positive attributes) and one is an EX (which I guess denotes some negativity). We are assuming that his ex dumped him because of his negligence. We don't know the full details, and as the dumpee he's likely latching onto the explanation she gave him...so we have to take that with a LARGE grain of salt. Is she making a mistake by taking him back? Does he REALLY have a lack of interest? Who the heck knows? I'm actually curious as to whether this ex called him out on his bad behavior...or was just a completely doormat to his "neglect" until she dumped him? That being said, his confusion is a problem. OP, I don't think anyone's saying you should've "moved forwards, not backwards"...that's just cliched muck anyway. What's being suggested is that you made a rash decision without fully thinking it through, and now you're trying to leave yourself safety nets in case things don't work out or you find yourself "lacking interest" again. 1
shinealight Posted February 20, 2014 Posted February 20, 2014 Mike you clearly sound like you want both girls and you cant you can only have 1. One girl that makes you happy, makes you smile as soon as they walk through the door ect. Clearly something didn't work out between you and your'e ex ie maybe she argued alot or the chemistry just went which is why you ended and now you see something in this new girl. Now your'e back with your'e ex and cant decide who you want. I would sit down and really think because you have your'e whole life ahead of ye mate.
TaraMaiden Posted February 20, 2014 Posted February 20, 2014 Not unless you've both put serious work into not falling into the same holes. And I'm talking about counselling. Hope is not enough, especially if you repeatedly messed up over 4 years. 1
pickflicker Posted February 20, 2014 Posted February 20, 2014 The whole 4 years was rocky. The end wasn't too bad so maybe this time will be different Hon, you're deluding yourself. Relationships aren't supposed to be permanently rocky. And they don't spontaneously heal themselves. 3
Author mike9876 Posted February 20, 2014 Author Posted February 20, 2014 I'll agree, it is a bit confusing to read, but I agree with some points: I don't understand how people have decided that one girl is better than the other, except that one is NEW (and he lists her positive attributes) and one is an EX (which I guess denotes some negativity). We are assuming that his ex dumped him because of his negligence. We don't know the full details, and as the dumpee he's likely latching onto the explanation she gave him...so we have to take that with a LARGE grain of salt. Is she making a mistake by taking him back? Does he REALLY have a lack of interest? Who the heck knows? I'm actually curious as to whether this ex called him out on his bad behavior...or was just a completely doormat to his "neglect" until she dumped him? That being said, his confusion is a problem. OP, I don't think anyone's saying you should've "moved forwards, not backwards"...that's just cliched muck anyway. What's being suggested is that you made a rash decision without fully thinking it through, and now you're trying to leave yourself safety nets in case things don't work out or you find yourself "lacking interest" again. My ex has good qualities too. We just argued a lot over the 4 years and I fear it will go back to the same crap. I was negligent I just worked nights and couldn't see her every single day. This new girl was cool with seeing me some weeks only one day.
soccerrprp Posted February 20, 2014 Posted February 20, 2014 (edited) This is slightly confusing to read. Are you saying I should have stuck with my new girl and not gone backwards Sorry, typed this on the go... No. Let me try to be more succinct. You were dumped b/c your were not doing your part as you admit. She gave you another chance and you took it. Clearly at the time you believed your gf more valuable to you than new ex. Some are suggesting that new ex was better than now gf, but no evidence to suggest that that is true other than your doubts. I have a feeling that either you or your now gf will eventually break it off (AGAIN) due to your uncertainty or her realization that you have not changed. Messy. Don't know if that's clearer...if not, that's okay. In a nutshell, it's an effed up relationship here. Edited February 20, 2014 by soccerrprp
Author mike9876 Posted February 20, 2014 Author Posted February 20, 2014 Sorry, typed this on the go... No. Let me try to be more succinct. You were dumped b/c your were not doing your part as you admit. She gave you another chance and you took it. Clearly at the time you believed your gf more valuable to you than new ex. Some are suggesting that new ex was better than now gf, but no evidence to suggest that that is true other than your doubts. I have a feeling that either you or your now gf will eventually break it off (AGAIN) due to your uncertainty or her realization that you have not changed. Messy. Don't know if that's clearer...if not, that's okay. In a nutshell, it's an effed up relationship here. I'm very confused I'll admit it. Neither girl is better than the other. Both good girls. Just had a rocky relationship with my ex for 4 years. However there's a strong connection there
soccerrprp Posted February 20, 2014 Posted February 20, 2014 I'm very confused I'll admit it. Neither girl is better than the other. Both good girls. Just had a rocky relationship with my ex for 4 years. However there's a strong connection there Another poster was suggesting that the new girl was the better option.
Author mike9876 Posted February 20, 2014 Author Posted February 20, 2014 Another poster was suggesting that the new girl was the better option. She probably is I'll probably regret it
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