mike9876 Posted February 20, 2014 Posted February 20, 2014 8 months ago my ex gf of 4.5 years broke up with me. Her reasons were that because I worked overnights I didnt spend enough time with her and didnt act interested in her. In her defense she was right. Since the break up shes dated and so have I. Before Christmas I started seeing a girl. Great conversation, funny, independent girl and great sex. Last week I fell under a depression, and had a lot going on with work, and having surgery. My ex contacted me and told me she never got over me and couldnt find a connection like she had with me with anyone else. So we hung out 2 days last week then the weekend. (My ex broke off things with a guy she was seeing friday) The new girl asked to hang out this weekend and I told her Id let her know. (was trying to sort out my feelings for my ex) Monday came and the new girl (non exclusive) texted me asking if I wanted to see her anymore because she did not want to waste her time. I told her I got back with my ex and the new girl took it pretty hard. New girl said things why would you go backward when we had so much potential? New girl also brought up that my ex had hacked my facebook 4 months prior. I told the new girl about this. I told the new girl I had to try to mend things with my ex but didnt wanna burn bridges with her. Am i making a mistake?
SYLLPalmer Posted February 20, 2014 Posted February 20, 2014 It's only a mistake if you picked the wrong one. I think the ex should have moved on. Sounds like she is throwing in the towel to mediocrity. IMO you guys are super young. If that is the case just go with the flow. Young love is giant Gong Show. 4
Author mike9876 Posted February 20, 2014 Author Posted February 20, 2014 The new girl is pretty upset. Said she saw potential in me and us and that's what hurts most
MidwestUSA Posted February 20, 2014 Posted February 20, 2014 The new girl is pretty upset. Said she saw potential in me and us and that's what hurts most Maybe, but she'll get over it. Don't drag her back into it. 5
FnlyFrei Posted February 20, 2014 Posted February 20, 2014 I think that you need to make a decision. It isn't fair to keep them both on a chain. Or, leave them both and work on yourself.
Author mike9876 Posted February 20, 2014 Author Posted February 20, 2014 Not gonna drag the new girl back in
soccerrprp Posted February 20, 2014 Posted February 20, 2014 I feel for the new girl. Unbeknownst to her, she got tangled with a guy who wasn't/isn't over his ex. Leave the new girl to find someone stable and free. Not you. 4
Author mike9876 Posted February 20, 2014 Author Posted February 20, 2014 I feel for the new girl. Unbeknownst to her, she got tangled with a guy who wasn't/isn't over his ex. Leave the new girl to find someone stable and free. Not you. I want to stay friends with the new girl. Hate burning bridges. The new girl told me she thought I was over my ex which I thought I was and I wasn't
Never Again Posted February 20, 2014 Posted February 20, 2014 the new girl took it pretty hard. New girl said things why would you go backward when we had so much potential? New girl also brought up that my ex had hacked my facebook 4 months prior. I told the new girl about this. I told the new girl I had to try to mend things with my ex but didnt wanna burn bridges with her. Am i making a mistake? Here's what I'm picking up: - The new girl is hurt. She's trying to convince you to stay away from your ex and stay with her. She'd honestly say anything. She's probably a nice girl, but you broke her heart - she's trying to persuade you into thinking she's the better option. That's where the "going backwards", "so much potential" and facebook hacking stuff is coming from. - You do not HAVE to mend things with your ex. Take obligation out of it. You WANT to. It's very, very different. Take full responsibility for what you want (or what you think you want). - You've already burned bridges with the new girl. You did that the second you pulled away from her to hang out with your ex. It's not fair to her for you to have any contact with her while you're trying for your ex. - You're only making a mistake if you keep them both around. Try for one, cut the other one loose...or, as the other poster said, take some time for yourself to make sure you know exactly what you want before diving in head first.
Author mike9876 Posted February 20, 2014 Author Posted February 20, 2014 Here's what I'm picking up: - The new girl is hurt. She's trying to convince you to stay away from your ex and stay with her. She'd honestly say anything. She's probably a nice girl, but you broke her heart - she's trying to persuade you into thinking she's the better option. That's where the "going backwards", "so much potential" and facebook hacking stuff is coming from. - You do not HAVE to mend things with your ex. Take obligation out of it. You WANT to. It's very, very different. Take full responsibility for what you want (or what you think you want). - You've already burned bridges with the new girl. You did that the second you pulled away from her to hang out with your ex. It's not fair to her for you to have any contact with her while you're trying for your ex. - You're only making a mistake if you keep them both around. Try for one, cut the other one loose...or, as the other poster said, take some time for yourself to make sure you know exactly what you want before diving in head first. I'm already back with my ex gf, I'm still confused if I made the right decision
CarrieT Posted February 20, 2014 Posted February 20, 2014 I'm already back with my ex gf, I'm still confused if I made the right decision Probably not. Your Ex broke up with you for more than just the fact that you worked overnight. But you've burned the bridge and will now have to work it out... 1
Noproblem Posted February 20, 2014 Posted February 20, 2014 Yes. You shouldn't have rushed things just because your ex decided to give it a try Remember she was the one who left you After 4 years This means, you and her getting back together And after one year from now she might say Bye bye bye without the Nsync dance You shouldn't have told the new about your ex too soon. You should have tried By the way, I'm curious about the age of both of you Because if you are now 19 That means your love happened when you were teenagers and such feelings in most cases are not really stable and real.
TaraMaiden Posted February 20, 2014 Posted February 20, 2014 I'm already back with my ex gf, I'm still confused if I made the right decision Only time will tell but I heavily suspect not and that you will regret it.
soccerrprp Posted February 20, 2014 Posted February 20, 2014 I want to stay friends with the new girl. Hate burning bridges. This is guilt talking. You've been intimate and that changes things. Being friends with you is her call, but she should move on for her sake. I suspect that you don't really want to be "friends" and that you'd be just fine if she disappeared from your life. And, don't remain "friends" so that if things don't work out with ex-gf, you have new girl to go back to. Let her go completely. 1
Author mike9876 Posted February 20, 2014 Author Posted February 20, 2014 I'm 29 both the girls are 27
Author mike9876 Posted February 20, 2014 Author Posted February 20, 2014 This is guilt talking. You've been intimate and that changes things. Being friends with you is her call, but she should move on for her sake. I suspect that you don't really want to be "friends" and that you'd be just fine if she disappeared from your life. And, don't remain "friends" so that if things don't work out with ex-gf, you have new girl to go back to. Let her go completely. I actually really like the new girl she's fun and sweet. I'm Going to miss hanging out with her. I just can't have 2 girlfriends
TaraMaiden Posted February 20, 2014 Posted February 20, 2014 I think you made a hasty and inadvisable decision.
Author mike9876 Posted February 20, 2014 Author Posted February 20, 2014 I think you made a hasty and inadvisable decision. Can you elaborate
soccerrprp Posted February 20, 2014 Posted February 20, 2014 I actually really like the new girl she's fun and sweet. I'm Going to miss hanging out with her. I just can't have 2 girlfriends Good, so you're going to let her go.
Author mike9876 Posted February 20, 2014 Author Posted February 20, 2014 Good, so you're going to let her go. I told her we can still talk. I don't wanna let her go
TaraMaiden Posted February 20, 2014 Posted February 20, 2014 Forgive me but that's just arsehole behaviour. It's selfish, cruel, insensitive and earns you a player reputation. And how will your no-longer-ex feel about this? 4
organizedchaos Posted February 20, 2014 Posted February 20, 2014 I told her we can still talk. I don't wanna let her go Too bad. You made your choice. You didn't burn a bridge, you blew it up. Accept the consequences. 1
Author mike9876 Posted February 20, 2014 Author Posted February 20, 2014 I told her we can still talk. I don't wanna let her go Forgive me but that's just arsehole behaviour. It's selfish, cruel, insensitive and earns you a player reputation. And how will your no-longer-ex feel about this? My ex now gf is ok with me being friends with the new girl
Never Again Posted February 20, 2014 Posted February 20, 2014 I told her we can still talk. I don't wanna let her go STOP STOP STOP Let's rewind that: I don't wanna let her go I don't wanna I Do you not realize how incredible selfish you're being? You shared an emotional connection with this girl. You had sex. She was developing real feelings for you and you hurt her. You decided you wanted to get back with your ex. You do not also get to decide that you WANT to be friends with this new girl. She's going to want contact with you to try and get you back. You want contact because you're attached and you want to relieve your guilt (after all, if she accept your friendship, she can't really be THAT hurt, right?). Cut the crap. You get one girl. Not one GIRLFRIEND, one GIRL. You chose, so let the new girl go completely. Personally, I'm all for second chances. However, if your breakup happened like you say...then you were dumped because your girlfriend chose to sit around and pout about how she was neglected and bored because her boyfriend wasn't showing enough interest and passion in her. Guess what? It was her job to open her mouth, communicate, and work on those issues instead of letting herself "fall out of love" and take off. She did it once, and you accept the blame for it (you still appear to accept this blame from your original post), and she'll do it again unless she accept what SHE'S done and commits to learn from it. She was just as responsible for the demise of that relationship as you are. 2
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