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Posted

Hi y'all

 

 

Here's a scenario and then I'd like to ask what you'd do and what your thoughts are.

 

 

My sister has 4 children. I do not have a lot of money but I personally believe holidays are for children and so every year I buy each one of them a few inexpensive things that I know would put a smile on their face and be fun to open up for Christmas and on their birthdays. This makes me happy and I do not expect anything in return from it. However, my sister's attitude is what I am confused about. She has no problem accepting the gifts and does not say thank you on behalf of her kids (I still give gifts anyhow) but when holidays come around she will give my children one very small very inexpensive gift possibly quite late if at all, not at all because of lack of money which would be completely understandable (she is a millionaire), but because she believes "kids are too spoiled and don't need things in this country".

 

 

I do not want to punish her children in any way because of this, and I give gifts because I want to, but I feel a bit resentful about this attitude. It is not about the money or gifts at ALL I want to emphasize. It's just to me I love to see my loved ones smile and that does not cost a lot of money- and I feel like she is taking her "preachiness" and personal issues out on very young children who don't know better.

 

 

What do y'all think and what would you do?

Thanks to each and every person for each and every opinion in advance. Much appreciated! xx

Posted

Your sister's capacity but unwillingness to give makes it sound like she is the one that is spoiled. The fact that gifts come late also makes it sound like she's actually just too lazy to care. Her choice, I suppose.

 

I don't think I'd let it change your approach. She's creating her own karma.

  • Like 1
Posted

That's a shame that she is bringing up her kids that way. They need to learn how to give and receive gifts graciously as it's going to be a big part of their lives as they grow up.

 

The only thing I can recommend is talking to her about your concerns in a calm, logical manner. Try to be understanding. Say something along the lives of, "I understand why you're being cautious about spoiling your children, but do you think you could explain to them the importance of giving and receiving gifts? It's an important thing to learn in life, I'm sure you'll agree."

 

If she opts not to listen to you, keep trying later on. I wouldn't recommend talking to the kids as tempting as it may be. It's frustrating, but they are her children, and she' s the only one who should be parenting them. Best of luck!

  • Like 1
  • Author
Posted (edited)

thanks y'all:) And I also want to add it's none of my concern how my sister parents and if she feels her children are spoiled if they receive a gift then to each's own- but I find it a bit convenient and odd to accept the gifts (which I am most happy to give), but not reciprocate or say thank you on the sole reason that kids shouldn't really have gifts in general

Edited by AnneT1985
Posted

I would keep doing what you're doing. I agree with BetrayedH - hopefully her kids will learn on their own and realize when they're old enough to understand.

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