txgrl Posted February 20, 2014 Posted February 20, 2014 XMW here. I see so many struggling with NC. Sometimes I do too . But trust me , breaking NC never never brings anything good. It makes you feel ****ty, no questions are answered, no closure achieved . If it helps OM/OW , you meant a lot to us but reality came crashing down and we realized that breaking up a pretty good M is not right. It's not right for the M party, their spouse and kids AND the AP. How many affairages work? SIngle AP, you've been given the gift of freedom . Free yourself and move on . We 're ( MW/MM) are not as special as you made us out to be in your minds . Best. 3
Author txgrl Posted February 20, 2014 Author Posted February 20, 2014 Oops . This was supposed to be a reply post but somehow became a new thread . My bad ! But the message is still the same .
PurpleCardigan Posted February 20, 2014 Posted February 20, 2014 XMW here. I see so many struggling with NC. Sometimes I do too . But trust me , breaking NC never never brings anything good. It makes you feel ****ty, no questions are answered, no closure achieved . If it helps OM/OW , you meant a lot to us but reality came crashing down and we realized that breaking up a pretty good M is not right. It's not right for the M party, their spouse and kids AND the AP. How many affairages work? SIngle AP, you've been given the gift of freedom . Free yourself and move on . We 're ( MW/MM) are not as special as you made us out to be in your minds . Best. Wow. I don't quite know what to say except that this is so condescending and harsh. Seriously, wow! If I read this right -- the OW/OM is just trash, meant to be tossed away without even a thank you while the Married person goes back to "a pretty good M". Yeah, he had sex with me, told me loved me, wanted a future, but hey that was all cookies to him as he tossed me away for a "pretty good M". Good to know that I'm just garbage to my ex married partner, and not a human being with hopes and feelings, too. Best! 3
Author txgrl Posted February 20, 2014 Author Posted February 20, 2014 It wasnt meant to be harsh or condescending . In sorry if it seemed that way . I actually said the OP meant a lot to the MW/MM ( unless they're total scumbags) but when reality hits and you come out of the A bubble, decisions are made based on real life , not the fantasy of the A . I'm sorry for your pain , I did not mean it that way at all . I meant it as encouragement for those struggling with NC . As painful as it is now, when you look at it as a new chance at happiness, it gets a lil but easier . Best 2
krazikat Posted February 20, 2014 Posted February 20, 2014 Wow. I don't quite know what to say except that this is so condescending and harsh. Seriously, wow! If I read this right -- the OW/OM is just trash, meant to be tossed away without even a thank you while the Married person goes back to "a pretty good M". Yeah, he had sex with me, told me loved me, wanted a future, but hey that was all cookies to him as he tossed me away for a "pretty good M". Good to know that I'm just garbage to my ex married partner, and not a human being with hopes and feelings, too. Best! Take a deep breath, Purple...she is not intending to sound harsh and you are putting words she did not say in her mouth. You may be hurting right now, but this is something to think about. The statistics prove time and again, when push comes to shove, most MP stay in the marriage. You even see it on these boards. (((purple))) Txgirl, your message is clear to me. You cared about your ap, but you cared about your spouse, too. And didnt have a bad marriage. I took your post as meaning that though you loved your ap, it made more life sense to stay in your good marriage. 4
chelsea2011 Posted February 20, 2014 Posted February 20, 2014 Even with your clarification it still sounds like the OW/OM was nothing more than a toy to be used as a distraction from boring married life. The single AP's can turn around and say if you are married and want an affair then hook up with another married person instead. No matter how you present it your post is still hurtful and insulting to the ones here who are hurting.
Author txgrl Posted February 20, 2014 Author Posted February 20, 2014 My post was well intentioned and not meant to be any of the things mentioned . I'm sorry if the words hurt anyone . I meant that if it was such a broken marriage and if the APs were true soulmates, why didn't the mAP leave? So if they haven't left yet, they never will. Accept that and open yourself to the wonderful opportunities that life offers . And the married AP can also turn around and say 'why choose a MM/MW when there are so many single people out there?' Again, please don't just read what you want to read . Were all here because we're all hurting in some way or the other , or this forum won't exist. Best 3
Author txgrl Posted February 20, 2014 Author Posted February 20, 2014 I read my post again. Yeah, I admit the wording could've better . Sorry people, English is not my first language. Best.
Author txgrl Posted February 20, 2014 Author Posted February 20, 2014 Thanks! I missed your post . That's exactly what I meant . I truly believe that I had the A not because the M was completely broken but because I made poor decisions . The A started to destabilize a perfectly salvageable M and family . Thanks again! 3
hippetyhop Posted February 25, 2014 Posted February 25, 2014 XMW here. I see so many struggling with NC. Sometimes I do too . But trust me , breaking NC never never brings anything good. It makes you feel ****ty, no questions are answered, no closure achieved . If it helps OM/OW , you meant a lot to us but reality came crashing down and we realized that breaking up a pretty good M is not right. It's not right for the M party, their spouse and kids AND the AP. How many affairages work? SIngle AP, you've been given the gift of freedom . Free yourself and move on . We 're ( MW/MM) are not as special as you made us out to be in your minds . Best. So the only way to value your M is to have an A to figure out that, "hey, this M thing isn't so bad after all"? 1
XenoMouse Posted February 25, 2014 Posted February 25, 2014 txgrl as always i appreciate your perspective and your honest efforts to help others on this forum as you once helped me. Although your words may appear harsh it reminds me of a quote by Swami Vivekanand who said...one cannot be a fan of both Truth and Comfort as they are often opposites...which i believe can be clearly seen from this situation. From your previous posts i know that although you did return to your marriage it hasnt been easy for you to let go of the feelings for your former AP either. Therefore, i would venture to say that no party comes out of a situation like this totally unscathed. An A is such an intensely emotional and mental labyrinth to be lost in that even though it does hurt when one party wants out i don't think that you can really blame them too much. Whether its selfish or not you have to understand that one party is saying no, this is not what i want, how i want to live, or feel (i wish in my case i was the one to come to this realization first). Though its does seem like we are being simply discarded it does help to recognize how much stress the other party is going thru and focus on your own journey for peace. 1
Author txgrl Posted February 25, 2014 Author Posted February 25, 2014 (edited) I never said it the 'only ' way . It's neither the only nor the ideal way . But when real life delivers a healthy dose of reality, the best decision is to stop the A and then think v carefully where you went wrong, how to make amends .When you do that, many will realize the H/W have qualities that the A fog diminished . It did give me new appreciation for H and M and family . Obviously, it means letting go if AP permanently which will not sit well with the AP . I do think that no matter how much it hurts, ending the A is always the best solution. You just cannot make rational decisions with the AP still in the picture . Goes for the single AP too . Edited February 25, 2014 by txgrl
Author txgrl Posted February 25, 2014 Author Posted February 25, 2014 (edited) Thank you for understanding . I could never compartmentalize well hence started the D soon after I met OM. But it was awful what I was doing to my H. Did the OM get hurt during the process, I beg he did but what about the hurt that my H had to go through because of my actions and OM's. Again, I never mean my words to be harsh but truth can seem harsh. And I'm not as eloquent as some of the posters here . I've said this before, English is not my first language . Swami vivekanands words are wise! Edited February 25, 2014 by txgrl
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