solostand Posted February 20, 2014 Posted February 20, 2014 So its been almost a month NC now with my XMM. He and his wife are down south. Before he left he said he was very worried about spending five days in the car with her - I took this to mean she would be grilling him about me. Anyway, this year they took her phone (last year they took his). I don't know her number, never did. Then one day last week, a strange cell number called me. I missed the call but when I went to call back my number was BLOCKED! This leads me to believe there has been some sort of Dday and she has blocked my number so I won't call (I wouldn't cause I didn't know the number) or he can't call me. I think she may have looked up the phone records and was shocked. Anyway its driving me nuts! I want to know what happened! I'm tempted to phone the number from another phone just to find out what's going on. Oddly, I have the condo phone number from last year but haven't tested if I'm blocked there too.
Owl Posted February 20, 2014 Posted February 20, 2014 I can imagine you're going crazy wanting to know if he's been busted...but...what does that solve for you, one way or another? You've been NC this long. You'd indicated that you'd planned on using this time to move on and end things, I'd thought. Don't set yourself back by focusing on that, especially if it doesn't really change anything. An alternative thought would be that he tried calling you from her phone (which was the height of stupid moves), realized that you'd try to call back when you saw the missed call, and blocked it himself so that you wouldn't call at a point where she'd answer. Which means you could well be getting worked up over nothing, and your plans destroyed for no real reason. It doesn't matter what's going on in his life....your focus needs to be on yours, my friend. 5
JenniferTucker Posted February 20, 2014 Posted February 20, 2014 Solo I think you need to refocus your thoughts of a pending dday. The missed call can be from anyone including telemarketing that doesn't allow for returned calls. It could be that since you haven't heard from MM that you are looking for reasons other than him just not calling? If you wanted this vacation period to be the lead up to NC then don't waste it on thought of what could be happening. Focus on what should be happening in your own life. Otherwise you are just creating drama for yourself that is not needed:) 2
gettingstronger Posted February 20, 2014 Posted February 20, 2014 Don't get your hopes up too much or let this occupy too much time in your head-this should be a time for you- just as they are taking time for them, you should do the same-there are a hundred explanations for the call to your phone so don't drive yourself crazy over it-remember- he decided to vacation with his wife, you guys are NC, just take care of you-
Author solostand Posted February 20, 2014 Author Posted February 20, 2014 I agree I'm getting drama'd out over nothing maybe. And I am moving on but my God some days its sooooo hard. I have almost chewed my arm off not to call. . . . I try to focus on the bad and forget the good. Its just such a dreadful winter where I am, storm after storm after storm, and slogging through it all, plus depressed to boot. My depression is lifting but my anxiety is not, hence the huge leap in logic on the phone business.
Realist3 Posted February 20, 2014 Posted February 20, 2014 An alternative thought would be that he tried calling you from her phone (which was the height of stupid moves), realized that you'd try to call back when you saw the missed call, and blocked it himself so that you wouldn't call at a point where she'd answer. I see this as the most likely scenario. Why would they only take one phone? That seems very odd. 3
txgrl Posted February 20, 2014 Posted February 20, 2014 What's wierd to me is that they take one phone ??? 3
txgrl Posted February 20, 2014 Posted February 20, 2014 Oops sorry realist said it already . If it helps any, M people do think about AP and struggle but then they realize that their M, kids, history, finances etc are wayyy more important than they thought while they were in the A . This is in no way disrespecting you . I actually feel I'm giving my OM respect too by leaving him alone . Don't mess with a M, set yourself free , you deserve it! 2
Author solostand Posted February 20, 2014 Author Posted February 20, 2014 I see this as the most likely scenario. Why would they only take one phone? That seems very odd. I would buy this too but he's not technologically savvy and would not be able to figure out how to block. I'm thinking she may have seen my number (I had my phone off) and decided to block herself. Last year they took his phone and it was hell cause I was calling all the time, almost gave him a stroke.
cozycottagelg Posted February 20, 2014 Posted February 20, 2014 My cellphone is my life...lol, cannot imagine ever leaving it behind for any reason.
BrokenPrincess Posted February 20, 2014 Posted February 20, 2014 Try googling the #. In the US, there are sites where people will register & leave comments of dummy phone #s that are actually telemarketers, scams, etc. Everything about As just creates so much anxiety! 1
Goodbye Posted February 20, 2014 Posted February 20, 2014 Bottom line is if he really wanted to reach you, he could and would. 2
thinkingofhim Posted February 20, 2014 Posted February 20, 2014 Bottom line is if he really wanted to reach you, he could and would. This is true, lol. I live in Florida, we have no shortage of phones.
Snipercatt Posted February 20, 2014 Posted February 20, 2014 Wouldn't his cell, or her cell, have the area code of where they live? 1
whichwayisup Posted February 20, 2014 Posted February 20, 2014 I know you want to know and are curious, but I thought you were going to use this time apart from him to detach and grieve, let go of him so when he comes back, you were going to officially end the affair. Or am I mistaken? Have you changed your mind about ending things with him? There's absolutely no reason to call him. He didn't bring his phone on purpose and you've been blocked from her phone. He hasn't called you from a payphone or from the place he's staying at, so that says something as well. 5
herself Posted February 20, 2014 Posted February 20, 2014 I don't know if you considered this but he is vacationing with his wife. And the story he weaved is that he is not looking forward to doing so, but.....common now. Couples unhappy do not plan trips together & spend all that money to get away alone. He also said he wasnt taking his phone & I bet he was but didn't want you calling, how awful that must have been for him last year. I wonder if he sees you as a risk, like because you engage in crissing dangerous boundaries like calling while he is away with his wife, you are gonna force him to be exposed & lose it all. I just think you may want to consider that you shouldn't believe everything he tells you. He lies to her to be with you which means he is a practiced liar, and will lie to you to. Just thoughts, I could be wrong but a MM desperately in love with AP would make a way To contact & so he says...,he "didnt bring" phone. I smell a rat there. I say you just be done. Already started NC technically so why not just keep it going? 2
Author solostand Posted February 20, 2014 Author Posted February 20, 2014 Anxiety for nothing. I called the number from two other non related phones and the same message. And I know for a fact he didn't bring his phone - he's not a cell phone guy. The only time he has it on is when he's working. The only person he really ever called was me. And he may have been trying to call, I don't know because I usually leave my phone off for that very reason. I have their condo phone and could call him if I wanted to but I haven't and don't want to. I don't know why this gave me so much anxiety - I guess I was imagining an eventual confrontation.
SugarHibiscus Posted February 20, 2014 Posted February 20, 2014 I don't know if you considered this but he is vacationing with his wife. And the story he weaved is that he is not looking forward to doing so, but.....common now. Couples unhappy do not plan trips together & spend all that money to get away alone. He also said he wasnt taking his phone & I bet he was but didn't want you calling, how awful that must have been for him last year. I wonder if he sees you as a risk, like because you engage in crissing dangerous boundaries like calling while he is away with his wife, you are gonna force him to be exposed & lose it all. I just think you may want to consider that you shouldn't believe everything he tells you. He lies to her to be with you which means he is a practiced liar, and will lie to you to. Just thoughts, I could be wrong but a MM desperately in love with AP would make a way To contact & so he says...,he "didnt bring" phone. I smell a rat there. I say you just be done. Already started NC technically so why not just keep it going? I don't know. My AP and his GF took two trips recently even though I know for a fact that he is very unhappy in the relationship. The no phone thing does sound suspicious. (My AP texted as much as he could while he was away, but I never initiated contact during that time.) I get why you would over-analyze the blocked call. I know I would. Just try to vent but do not try to contact him.
Author solostand Posted February 20, 2014 Author Posted February 20, 2014 As I said I totally believe the no phone thing. When he was sick for five weeks, that phone was OFF all day every day. I used to want to throw my phone through the window. He would turn it on twice - to call me - then turn it off again. And routinely, he turned it off at 3 p.m. every day, sick or not. Besides, her phone has the long distance calling plan. And yes, he was dreading going, they've been going for years and he never liked it. He just does what he's told. He said he sits in the pool and reads the newspaper. Everyone else gets drunk.
experiencethedevine Posted February 20, 2014 Posted February 20, 2014 (edited) I don't know. My AP and his GF took two trips recently even though I know for a fact that he is very unhappy in the relationship. The no phone thing does sound suspicious. (My AP texted as much as he could while he was away, but I never initiated contact during that time.) I get why you would over-analyze the blocked call. I know I would. Just try to vent but do not try to contact him. Is this not a glaringly obvious contradiction to you? Edited February 21, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 5
whichwayisup Posted February 20, 2014 Posted February 20, 2014 As I said I totally believe the no phone thing. When he was sick for five weeks, that phone was OFF all day every day. I used to want to throw my phone through the window. He would turn it on twice - to call me - then turn it off again. And routinely, he turned it off at 3 p.m. every day, sick or not. Besides, her phone has the long distance calling plan. And yes, he was dreading going, they've been going for years and he never liked it. He just does what he's told. He said he sits in the pool and reads the newspaper. Everyone else gets drunk. Solo, is your plan still to end the A? Or have you changed your mind?
SugarHibiscus Posted February 21, 2014 Posted February 21, 2014 (edited) Is this not a glaringly obvious contradiction to you? Nope. Not a contradiction. She loves to travel and financed both trips. He tried to pretend he "lost" his passport for one of the trips. She paid to have a new one expedited. They fought the entire time they were gone. She's my BFF so I heard it from her, not him. She is VERY hard to travel with. We've been to Asia and South America together. (See the BFF is the real contradiction, right? Not the trip. I can spot contradictions when I see them!) Edited February 21, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
MissBee Posted February 21, 2014 Posted February 21, 2014 Nope. Not a contradiction. She loves to travel and financed both trips. He tried to pretend he "lost" his passport for one of the trips. She paid to have a new one expedited. They fought the entire time they were gone. She's my BFF so I heard it from her, not him. She is VERY hard to travel with. We've been to Asia and South America together. (See the BFF is the real contradiction, right? Not the trip. I can spot contradictions when I see them!) Not to derail but why can't they break up if they are just bf/gf??? Why go through all that sillines??? He must be getting some benefit from staying with her, like free trips for example? To solo: Well it seems you've slightly resolved that the phone thing is nothing to take personally, so I'd refocus on NC and not bother yourself about him and their trip. 2
Speakingofwhich Posted February 21, 2014 Posted February 21, 2014 (edited) Is this not a glaringly obvious contradiction to you? Hmmm, wondering where the contradiction is? Edited February 21, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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