notyouraveragebabe Posted February 20, 2014 Posted February 20, 2014 I been single for 1.5 years now and am SO ready to date, but I run into the problem of not finding anyone compatible with me. Guys I don't like want me . It's flattering, but annoying. How do I nicely decline? One guy drives 30 miles just to see me at my gym. It's annoying because I am not interested and I am trying to be available to this hot guy at the gym. He would come and work out with me and talk to me. I'm just trying to work out and not be bothered. He calls and text me all the time, I don't reply for several hours and I am short with him. He doesn't get the hint. I can't get rid of him. He comes into my work sometimes too. He offers to drop off lunch, dinner anything just to see me. I always say NO and he continues to ask. It's sweet, but I don't want to lead him on. Another guy I don't like would text me 6 times in 1 hour. First text, "hey how's your day". Ten minutes later "Hope it was great". Another ten minutes, "You're probably busy at work, have fun!" Ten more minutes, "let's watch a movie soon". Again, "sorry for all the text, but I really want to get to know you". Then he Instagrams and facebook me. It's nice, but I'm just annoyed right now. I just want to be left alone and I don't know if I can be nice anymore if one guy follows me to my gym and another one blows up my phone. The guy I want is at my gym and I froze when he came up to. SMH! That's another thread. Still waiting to see him again.
TheyCallMeOx Posted February 20, 2014 Posted February 20, 2014 I been single for 1.5 years now and am SO ready to date, but I run into the problem of not finding anyone compatible with me. Guys I don't like want me . It's flattering, but annoying. How do I nicely decline? One guy drives 30 miles just to see me at my gym. It's annoying because I am not interested and I am trying to be available to this hot guy at the gym. He would come and work out with me and talk to me. I'm just trying to work out and not be bothered. He calls and text me all the time, I don't reply for several hours and I am short with him. He doesn't get the hint. I can't get rid of him. He comes into my work sometimes too. He offers to drop off lunch, dinner anything just to see me. I always say NO and he continues to ask. It's sweet, but I don't want to lead him on. Another guy I don't like would text me 6 times in 1 hour. First text, "hey how's your day". Ten minutes later "Hope it was great". Another ten minutes, "You're probably busy at work, have fun!" Ten more minutes, "let's watch a movie soon". Again, "sorry for all the text, but I really want to get to know you". Then he Instagrams and facebook me. It's nice, but I'm just annoyed right now. I just want to be left alone and I don't know if I can be nice anymore if one guy follows me to my gym and another one blows up my phone. The guy I want is at my gym and I froze when he came up to. SMH! That's another thread. Still waiting to see him again. What you're doing is the very thing you don't intend to do: you're leading people on. From what I gather, you seem like the really nice attractive girl that's willing to bend over backwards for anybody -- if that's the case, you may end up doing things for people that you don't want to do. For example: giving out your phone number. You might have a legitimate reason for giving out your phone number to a dude(s) you aren't interested, but if not...I have to ask the question...why? 98.256781% of the time, a guy that wants your number isn't trying to become friends with you. He's either trying to put his foot through the door with a relationship, or he's trying to get into a babe's hot pink yoga pants. When a guy gets your number, he's most likely going to take that as a sign that you're interested in him. If you tell him you're not interested in dating him, but you willingly accept your McDicks Salad that you got for absolutely free, then you're giving the dude an impression that you want him as part of your life. If you're not leading him on, you're being manipulative. The truth of the matter is that you can't half-ass your communication. You can't really be nice by allowing someone to blow up your phone with text messages, watch you sleep, buy you food, or anything like that and believing that saying you're not interested in a relationship is good enough. Some guys like a challenge. Some guys like that chick that is playing hard to get. Just because you have your clothes on doesn't mean a man is going to stop masturbating. If you can't be communicative with people you're not interested in, I want you to really be honest with yourself...I know you're ready for a relationship, but are you ready for a relationship? One of the biggest keys to sustaining a long-term relationship is being communicative. If you're the type of girlfriend that doesn't really express her disinterest in something, usually says stuff like "oh, I like doing whatever you like...it doesn't matter to me" then it's going to cause problems. You always want to be able to openly communicate with each other and not feel afraid of being honest because honesty is a part of that contribution to a healthy relationship. If you can't be honest with dudes you don't care about, then how can you be honest with dudes you actually care about? So let this be a test for you. Do you know how to communicate effectively with people? Can you really be honest with people? Just because you're honest doesn't mean you can't be nice about it, but you can't be afraid to communicate how you feel or else...if you get into a relationship and you start experiencing disagreements, which you will, you will not accurately voice your feelings. Instead, they might build up over time until one day...you explode. "Kitchen-sinking" is the term for it. If you feel like you're going to have a hard time telling the guys who are interested in you the truth about how you feel about them, then you're gonna have a hard time telling a significant other the truth. If this is the case, I think you may need to work on that before you decide to get serious. 1
PegNosePete Posted February 20, 2014 Posted February 20, 2014 You say this... "Look thanks for the attention and compliments but I am not interested in a relationship with you. Please stop stalking me. Goodbye."
Teraskas Posted February 20, 2014 Posted February 20, 2014 This is probably not the answer you're going to like to hear, but you have to stop leading them on. That's exactly what you're doing, unfortunately. :/ Be honest and forthright about your intentions.
GoreSP Posted February 20, 2014 Posted February 20, 2014 What you're doing is the very thing you don't intend to do: you're leading people on. From what I gather, you seem like the really nice attractive girl that's willing to bend over backwards for anybody -- if that's the case, you may end up doing things for people that you don't want to do. For example: giving out your phone number. You might have a legitimate reason for giving out your phone number to a dude(s) you aren't interested, but if not...I have to ask the question...why? 98.256781% of the time, a guy that wants your number isn't trying to become friends with you. He's either trying to put his foot through the door with a relationship, or he's trying to get into a babe's hot pink yoga pants. When a guy gets your number, he's most likely going to take that as a sign that you're interested in him. If you tell him you're not interested in dating him, but you willingly accept your McDicks Salad that you got for absolutely free, then you're giving the dude an impression that you want him as part of your life. If you're not leading him on, you're being manipulative. The truth of the matter is that you can't half-ass your communication. You can't really be nice by allowing someone to blow up your phone with text messages, watch you sleep, buy you food, or anything like that and believing that saying you're not interested in a relationship is good enough. Some guys like a challenge. Some guys like that chick that is playing hard to get. Just because you have your clothes on doesn't mean a man is going to stop masturbating. If you can't be communicative with people you're not interested in, I want you to really be honest with yourself...I know you're ready for a relationship, but are you ready for a relationship? One of the biggest keys to sustaining a long-term relationship is being communicative. If you're the type of girlfriend that doesn't really express her disinterest in something, usually says stuff like "oh, I like doing whatever you like...it doesn't matter to me" then it's going to cause problems. You always want to be able to openly communicate with each other and not feel afraid of being honest because honesty is a part of that contribution to a healthy relationship. If you can't be honest with dudes you don't care about, then how can you be honest with dudes you actually care about? So let this be a test for you. Do you know how to communicate effectively with people? Can you really be honest with people? Just because you're honest doesn't mean you can't be nice about it, but you can't be afraid to communicate how you feel or else...if you get into a relationship and you start experiencing disagreements, which you will, you will not accurately voice your feelings. Instead, they might build up over time until one day...you explode. "Kitchen-sinking" is the term for it. If you feel like you're going to have a hard time telling the guys who are interested in you the truth about how you feel about them, then you're gonna have a hard time telling a significant other the truth. If this is the case, I think you may need to work on that before you decide to get serious. I disagree. She is clearly saying she isn't making herself available to these guys. She didn't respond to the guy who texted her 10 times in one hour (unless she did and didn't tell us...) and says no to the guy who offers to drop off lunch. She isn't leading them on - they are not getting the hint and are just trying harder. Common mistake many of us do 'he/she doesn't look interested...it must be because I am not trying hard enough!'
TheyCallMeOx Posted February 20, 2014 Posted February 20, 2014 I disagree. She is clearly saying she isn't making herself available to these guys. She didn't respond to the guy who texted her 10 times in one hour (unless she did and didn't tell us...) and says no to the guy who offers to drop off lunch. She isn't leading them on - they are not getting the hint and are just trying harder. Common mistake many of us do 'he/she doesn't look interested...it must be because I am not trying hard enough!' I re-read the OP and it appears I misread certain parts. I thought she accepted the food, but rejected a relationship. It appears she doesn't half-ass as much as I thought. Thanks for letting me know. I'll change up my response a little bit. EDIT: Nevermind, can't edit. LOL
Tayken Posted February 20, 2014 Posted February 20, 2014 This is probably not the answer you're going to like to hear, but you have to stop leading them on. That's exactly what you're doing, unfortunately. :/ Be honest and forthright about your intentions. That of course is not what the OP wants to hear. Part of me think the OP is getting some weird kick out of this i.e. self esteem boost...I might be wrong?
DL2mer Posted February 21, 2014 Posted February 21, 2014 So..... The guy at the gym hasn't shown up. That sucks! It always seems to work like that, the one you really like you just can't get up with or you just can't seem to make it happen. I'm dealing with the same issues right now. Just hang in there. As for the annoying guys texting you, why did you give them your number dude? Lets say you start seeing the gym guy and you start getting text from these other guys. He will get turned off quick by this. It's nice having admirers but its not smart letting them in. Keep guys like that at a distance, you don't have to be mean to them just keep the conversations face to face. I sure hope the gym guy shows up. Keep us posted
Teraskas Posted February 21, 2014 Posted February 21, 2014 That of course is not what the OP wants to hear. Part of me think the OP is getting some weird kick out of this i.e. self esteem boost...I might be wrong? Certainly possible. As an example, I've heard that a lot of women reject people via OLD because of that self-esteem boost, so I wouldn't exactly be surprised if this happened in real life either.
Author notyouraveragebabe Posted February 21, 2014 Author Posted February 21, 2014 That of course is not what the OP wants to hear. Part of me think the OP is getting some weird kick out of this i.e. self esteem boost...I might be wrong? No wrong. I was just really annoyed the other day and had to vent. It's annoying when someone shows up to my work. I am a working professional and I can't have guys show up like that. I try to be nice, but I have to put my foot down.
Author notyouraveragebabe Posted February 21, 2014 Author Posted February 21, 2014 So..... The guy at the gym hasn't shown up. That sucks! It always seems to work like that, the one you really like you just can't get up with or you just can't seem to make it happen. I'm dealing with the same issues right now. Just hang in there. As for the annoying guys texting you, why did you give them your number dude? Lets say you start seeing the gym guy and you start getting text from these other guys. He will get turned off quick by this. It's nice having admirers but its not smart letting them in. Keep guys like that at a distance, you don't have to be mean to them just keep the conversations face to face. I sure hope the gym guy shows up. Keep us posted I know right! I really want to see hot gym guy again. Why can't things be easy? One guy got my number from his friend, so I never willingly gave him my number. Never even when on dates with them. One guy I use to work with him, so we exchanged numbers for WORK.
Tayken Posted February 21, 2014 Posted February 21, 2014 No wrong. I was just really annoyed the other day and had to vent. It's annoying when someone shows up to my work. I am a working professional and I can't have guys show up like that. I try to be nice, but I have to put my foot down. You might want to rephrase this
PegNosePete Posted February 21, 2014 Posted February 21, 2014 One guy got my number from his friend, so I never willingly gave him my number. Well I think you need to have words with your friend. It is not acceptable for him to give out your personal information, especially to weirdo stalkers. I'm in disagreement with those who say you're leading these guys on. You're doing nothing other than being nice and friendly. It's not your fault that they interpret this as romantic interest. You shouldn't have to change your behaviour because some guys can't tell the difference between "friendly" and "want to date". However that doesn't mean you should accept their behaviour, especially if it's becoming annoying to you. If they clearly think they have a chance then better to put them straight sooner rather than later.
DL2mer Posted February 21, 2014 Posted February 21, 2014 I know right! I really want to see hot gym guy again. Why can't things be easy? One guy got my number from his friend, so I never willingly gave him my number. Never even when on dates with them. One guy I use to work with him, so we exchanged numbers for WORK. I know all about the work thing. I've had some unwanted advances from co workers. I would definitely have a conversation with your friend that gave your# out, that's not cool.
Noproblem Posted March 2, 2014 Posted March 2, 2014 I really hate how you make it her fault I don't know what this world has turned into But when has it become being nice and friendly as leading on guys I really don't get it? So either I sleep with you and yay, I'll be nice and friendly or not, so I should be rude and push you off the cliff..... Guys must understand, if a girl is not rude, she is nice and friendly.. You really need to understand that being nice and friendly doesn't mean she likes you ....It means she is nice and friendly with anyone else ..Just because this is how she was raised to be... 1
BDL Posted March 2, 2014 Posted March 2, 2014 (edited) ... Thank you for writing a long response, but I feel it is completely moot and the advice, frankly useless IMO. The problem isn't anything with notyouraveragebabe's reactions to men hitting on her. She is reacting like how 98.46713% of women react. She is being nice and dropping hints like all women do. This is their nature. You telling her to be assertive, etc is asking her to take on the masculine role. The problem lies with what all good-looking women deal with, that is, needy clueless men who have no idea how to attract women they like. For guys reading her post, this is a great opportunity to read into the mind of a pretty lady and the crap she puts up on a nearly daily basis. What's the lesson to be learned? Edited March 2, 2014 by BDL
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