topaMAXX Posted February 20, 2014 Posted February 20, 2014 Long story... I met this girl on an internet forum over a year ago. We live a few states away from each other. We talked for a month or 2 and I told her that I would come out to see her. I ended up backing out at the last minute (for no particular reason) and, I found out later, I hurt her really bad. We talked on and off for a while. I got a girlfriend over the summer and pretty much didn't talk to this girl from May to October. The relationship over the summer, as well as other life changes, made me grow up a lot over the past year. I'm pretty much a different person now. Anyway, my girlfriend and I broke up in October and I started talking to this girl again. We got closer and she agreed to come out to see me. She ended up flying out here a little over a month ago and spent 5 days here. It was a really awesome time. Things happened very fast. We acted like bf/gf the entire time. The last night here, we had a deep emotional conversation. She said that she didn't think that the long distance would work and that it seemed like I liked her more than she liked me (this is when I found out how much I hurt her last year....and that time ruined her attraction for me). I was hurt, but kept my cool. I drove her to the airport and we parted. I texted her the next day and let her know that I was cool with being just friends. I didn't plan on texting her that much, but she started texting me everyday with sweet/romantic things, telling me how she missed me, how cute I am, inside jokes, etc. This lasted for about 3 weeks. During these 3 weeks, I told her that I would fly out there and put in for time off. In the past 2-3 weeks, she's been more distant. In this time, I also evaluated her a bit closer and decided that she's not right for me long term anyway. She actually started treating me somewhat poorly and started acting nasty. Then she started meeting guys off Craigslist and telling me about it (lol). She had unprotected sex with one. These last few weeks turned me off completely, obviously, and I'm starting to think, as I get to know her much better, that there's something really wrong with her mentally. We haven't talked in a few days and I decided that I'm not going to see her. My question is: if she messages me again (I won't message first), should I be honest with her and tell her the whole truth (since we have been friends for a while now)? Should I make up something? Or should I just ignore her completely?
oz-missy Posted February 20, 2014 Posted February 20, 2014 Honestly, even if someone says they don't want to hear it is what is necessary when breaking of a relationship. It might help her in future with her future relationships. Godspeed.
Author topaMAXX Posted February 20, 2014 Author Posted February 20, 2014 I texted her the next day and let her know that I was cool with being just friends. I should add that she wanted to be friends with benefits....not just friends. Basically, when I was to fly out there, we would have sex. That's why I was turned off by all of those other things she was doing with other random guys. Forgot to add that.
Emilia Posted February 20, 2014 Posted February 20, 2014 I would stop talking to her. It's not like you will have sex with her now knowing that she had unprotected sex with complete strangers and it doesn't sound like she cares all that much - or she is so damaged that she doing some kind of one-upmanship with you Either way, bad news. Ignore.
TB Rhine Posted February 20, 2014 Posted February 20, 2014 I would stop talking to her. It's not like you will have sex with her now knowing that she had unprotected sex with complete strangers and it doesn't sound like she cares all that much - or she is so damaged that she doing some kind of one-upmanship with you Either way, bad news. Ignore. Yeah, she was either getting back at you for hurting her before (otherwise why fly out there if her attraction for you was "ruined"?), or she was just taking advantage of the free trip to wherever. The whole wanting to be friends when you're clearly pining for her, then flirting with you when you say you wanna be friends, is classic manipulative, attention-getting behavior.
ExpatInItaly Posted February 20, 2014 Posted February 20, 2014 I would just let her know that it isn't going to work for you, but good luck to her in the future. I don't think this will bother her, as it sounds like she's not all that into you in the first place. Also, please tell us you protected yourself with her. She's meeting random guys off CL and having unprotected sex? That's not "lol", that's plain stupid. Get yourself tested too.
Author topaMAXX Posted February 21, 2014 Author Posted February 21, 2014 Yeah, she was either getting back at you for hurting her before (otherwise why fly out there if her attraction for you was "ruined"?), or she was just taking advantage of the free trip to wherever. The whole wanting to be friends when you're clearly pining for her, then flirting with you when you say you wanna be friends, is classic manipulative, attention-getting behavior. The trip wasn't free. She paid for the flight. Also, I was a bit hurt before, but I'm definitely not pining over her. I'm not questioning whether or not she is/was into me. I know that she was, but being friends with her for a while, I know that she is all over the place with her thoughts, very immature, and has low self-esteem. If we lived in the same city, she'd probably never leave me alone. At any rate, I'll probably end up calling her if/when she texts me next and will just be honest with her.
Author topaMAXX Posted February 21, 2014 Author Posted February 21, 2014 I would just let her know that it isn't going to work for you, but good luck to her in the future. I don't think this will bother her, as it sounds like she's not all that into you in the first place. Also, please tell us you protected yourself with her. She's meeting random guys off CL and having unprotected sex? That's not "lol", that's plain stupid. Get yourself tested too. She wasnt meeting guys for sex off Craigslist, to my knowledge, before we had sex. I used a condom during our time together.
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