D-Lish Posted February 20, 2014 Posted February 20, 2014 (edited) I have always been the biggest advocate of NO CONTACT. It works, it helps you heal- I'm a big proponent of "what you don't know can't hurt you". I broke my own rule tonight, and I couldn't be more sorry. I'm going through a rough time - I've been seeing someone that I actually like- and he's moving very far away- so we decided to break up. It's a new relationship, but I like him, and it hurts to end something so promising because of distance. It is what it is. Feeling sentimental, I turned back to thinking about my ex- it's been over 3 years since he dumped me and I've never gotten over him. We've had sporadic contact- dinners here and there and some hang outs- but it's been a while. I've never creeped his facebook since we broke up, but for some reason tonight, I did. Big mistake. He's with someone else- a very beautiful girl, so many lovey-dovey photos of the two of them. Even his profile picture is of the two of them- something he never did with me (have his profile pic of us). I just feel the need to tell people not to look back, not to give in to the desire to snoop your ex. Resist the urge. What you don't know really can't hurt you. All that time spent getting over him was lost in a single snooping moment. Edited February 20, 2014 by D-Lish 6
Tripz Posted February 20, 2014 Posted February 20, 2014 WOW, with over 15,000 posts, I'm taking your word on that!
StringsAttached Posted February 20, 2014 Posted February 20, 2014 Was the breakup mutual? Was he your first? I'd like to think that 3 years from now i'd be completely happy that my ex has found someone that can take care of her even if he's better looking than me. This is pretty scary.
STM206 Posted February 20, 2014 Posted February 20, 2014 Sorry you had to see that! Mom forcing myself to take your advice. I used to stalk his page all day, now I check it maybe 1-2 times a day. Weaning myself off, hope I can go full NC before I see any major changes. I hope he isn't a dick and messages me down the road with that type of picture with his new lover to say "hi! How's life?" No bueno.
StGeorge22 Posted February 20, 2014 Posted February 20, 2014 Thanks, I needed to read this. I have her blocked on fb, not because I'm spiteful but because I don't want to get weak one day and check and see she is with someone else. I'm pretty sure she is, but I'm never going to check so ill never know, or if I ever do hopefully it's when I'm completely over it. Sorry to hear about your situation, hope it all works out
hearttopieces Posted February 20, 2014 Posted February 20, 2014 I am this close right now to looking at my ex's account. I think I will actually do it tonight. It's been 21 months since I last saw him. Wow, almost 2 years. And I am still not over him. I go a few weeks without checking his online accounts, then I give in. Sometimes I think if I saw him with someone else, it would actually help me move on.
radiodarcy Posted February 20, 2014 Posted February 20, 2014 I am this close right now to looking at my ex's account. I think I will actually do it tonight. It's been 21 months since I last saw him. Wow, almost 2 years. And I am still not over him. I go a few weeks without checking his online accounts, then I give in. Sometimes I think if I saw him with someone else, it would actually help me move on. I know what you mean - - even though we've been done for three years; I still get an urge to look for him on social media. But he has a very common name and changes his screen/user name often - - so it's impossible to find him.
JDPT Posted February 20, 2014 Posted February 20, 2014 FB is so poisonous, worst creation. I hope you get better soon from this minor set back, be strong. 1
Musing Posted February 20, 2014 Posted February 20, 2014 There ought to be a feature on Facebook that makes it so when you are no longer listed in a relationship with someone, their page is not accessible to you (and vise versa) for a set amount of time and you are unable to message them for that same amount of time. The only time this could be broken is if both parties agreed or if there are children involved. Don't know how this would be possible though! Lol. It takes temptation away. Because let's be real - people can block their exs but they can also unblock them which is usually what happens. And some refuse to do that at all.
LostConfused123 Posted February 20, 2014 Posted February 20, 2014 I am so thankful my ex wasn't a Facebook user because honestly, I don't think I could be that strong. My heart goes out to everyone struggling with this. ((hugs!!))
organizedchaos Posted February 20, 2014 Posted February 20, 2014 There ought to be a feature on Facebook that makes it so when you are no longer listed in a relationship with someone, their page is not accessible to you (and vise versa) for a set amount of time and you are unable to message them for that same amount of time. The only time this could be broken is if both parties agreed or if there are children involved. Don't know how this would be possible though! Lol. It takes temptation away. Because let's be real - people can block their exs but they can also unblock them which is usually what happens. And some refuse to do that at all. There is, it's called BLOCKING and WILLPOWER.
lakerman34 Posted February 20, 2014 Posted February 20, 2014 I really, truly, honestly believe that you'll get over this road bump quicker than you think. A friend of a friend had a boyfriend of 6 years. They were talking about moving in together, and even marriage and kids. Then, they broke up. About 2 or 3 years later, she got a phone call from a friend. "I thought you'd want to know this, he is with another woman..." I was there when this phone call took place. She balled her eyes out. She got hammered that night. Her friends took REALLY good care of her. About 48 hours later, she was over it. I think that last "emotional output" was the final piece to her breakup puzzle. She could allow herself to REALLY be with a man, not just be with a man for a month or two and then breakup (something my current "ex," though we never really dated, does -- she's a senior in college and, from what she has told me, I can see that she THINKS she has this whole "love" and "relationships" thing down, but she is still VERY lost). I don't want to give you hope in this regard, but I think it IS natural to believe that sometimes, people need to be let go and need to go through a few relationships with people to realize that "that girl from a few years ago, she is EVERYTHING I want and need." That's why I don't unfriend girls that I have had a thing for on Facebook. I've heard of reconciliations based off of Facebook before. It happens. My advice? Definitely don't snoop any more, and it seems like the loss of this new guy may have played into the emotion. As soon as the girl that I was (err, am) in love with told me, after 14 friggin' months, that she just doesn't see me in a romantic light but "as cliche as it sounds, a really, good friend," I added my ex on Facebook. She has yet to accept/decline. I think it's natural to want to reach back into our history when we are feeling hurt. Don't do it. I'm not. I just, like I said, want to keep her as a friend "just in case."
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