john1682 Posted February 20, 2014 Posted February 20, 2014 My gf broke up with me about 2 months ago OUT of nowhere. During our whole relationship her mom was in her ear about me being a player & whatnot so we would argue about that... So once she broke up with me, I was stunned because we were really into each other. Broke up with me over text, she said she couldnt do it face to face. So I've been thinking what it could've been? One of my friends opened up my eyes telling me that I NEVER really brought her around. She only met 1 of my friends & I'm a really social guy. She only met my aunt & uncle and that was on accident lol now on her end, she wanted me to be EVERYWHERE! I met all of her family, she always wanted me at the house, met all her friends. Do you think that could've been a reason she broke up with me? She felt like I kept her a secret? Or felt underappreciated? She broke up with me after I cancelled on one of her family parties & instead went to one of my families parties & didnt invite her... So please guys I need some help cause we're kind off coming back into each others lives...
Author john1682 Posted February 20, 2014 Author Posted February 20, 2014 Not always, but we had a couple of fights during our 7 month relationship. It would usually consist of her mom spreading all these rumors...
somedude81 Posted February 20, 2014 Posted February 20, 2014 So it was only a couple of fights? And only about that? I don't think any of your second paragraph could be a reason why she dumped you. Though, canceling on her to go to one of your own family gatherings, and not invite her. That's just lame. Did you feel like you were trying to hide her?
Chi townD Posted February 20, 2014 Posted February 20, 2014 Yeah, you didn't treat her right dude. Calling it like I see it. A girl wants to feel special. Wants to be included in most everything in your life. And she wants to feel like she was important to you and that you were proud to have her on your arm as you walk into a room. Ya didn't do that. And on top of that, you had her mom telling her all of this. You didn't have a chance then. Sorry dude. Chalk it up to lessons learned. 1
Author john1682 Posted February 20, 2014 Author Posted February 20, 2014 It was weird, I liked her a lot but I had doubts from the beginning. I somewhat kept her a secret but I mean we were official! You know something else hit me yesterday, when we would go anywhere I would say whassup to everyone and not introduce her. She would literally just stand there...
somedude81 Posted February 20, 2014 Posted February 20, 2014 It was weird, I liked her a lot but I had doubts from the beginning. I somewhat kept her a secret but I mean we were official! You know something else hit me yesterday, when we would go anywhere I would say whassup to everyone and not introduce her. She would literally just stand there... Dude, you suck Not only did you have doubts, which I'm sure she could tell. You kept her a secret, and when you were around friends you pretended that she wasn't there. You were a bad boyfriend. Case closed.
David87 Posted February 20, 2014 Posted February 20, 2014 It was weird, I liked her a lot but I had doubts from the beginning. I somewhat kept her a secret but I mean we were official! You know something else hit me yesterday, when we would go anywhere I would say whassup to everyone and not introduce her. She would literally just stand there... No wonder she felt neglected, you should introduce your girlfriend to your friends and even your family especially when she already did that. Keep this in mind, never to neglect your girl again.
Author john1682 Posted February 20, 2014 Author Posted February 20, 2014 I can see that. Plus, my friend told me that when she broke up with me I didn't even fight for her. I was like ok, that's fine. So could that be a red flag also? She's been liking my pics on ig, & than contacted me after i contacted her
Author john1682 Posted February 20, 2014 Author Posted February 20, 2014 Also, if she felt like that. Why wouldn't she speak up & say something?
somedude81 Posted February 20, 2014 Posted February 20, 2014 Also, if she felt like that. Why wouldn't she speak up & say something? That's the million dollar question. My ex suddenly broke up with me as well two and half months ago. I had no idea anything was wrong at all and I was shocked. Not once did she speak up and say anything about her being unhappy. Women seem to want to preserve harmony and keep everything bottled up. And then when it hits the tipping point, they explode and dump you.
Never Again Posted February 20, 2014 Posted February 20, 2014 That's the million dollar question. My ex suddenly broke up with me as well two and half months ago. I had no idea anything was wrong at all and I was shocked. Not once did she speak up and say anything about her being unhappy. Women seem to want to preserve harmony and keep everything bottled up. And then when it hits the tipping point, they explode and dump you. It's a personality trait shared by both sexes - it's just being anti-confrontational. It seems more common in younger women I suppose, but men are just as guilty. It's a form of being a doormat, in a way. If they won't stand up for themselves, their wants/needs, or say what bothers them...they're going to have a rocky road ahead. Until they learn to communicate or find that "perfect someone"...too many people seem to think that the latter actually exists.
Author john1682 Posted February 20, 2014 Author Posted February 20, 2014 Why wouldn't she be happy? I mean she wanted me to make official! I think I took her for granted & treat her the way I should...
MixedMinh Posted February 20, 2014 Posted February 20, 2014 My most recent ex wasn't very open and straightforward with her real feelings. It made everything seem like a game and I was destined to lose eventually. Our final break-up happened because she didn't see "changes" in our relationship that she was looking for. She also said she expected me to make these changes "naturally" and that she shouldn't have to tell me. Honestly, most of the relationships I've been in failed simply due to the women not having realistic expectations of what a long-lasting relationship requires. They've all ended based on a change of "feeling" -- something quite opposite of love. My ex has a 3 year old son and I am the longest relationship she's been in.. 1 year, 3 months. There's a reason she had any long-term relationships.. she expects the initial chemical explosion of amazingness and romance to be sustained throughout the entire relationship or it's just not love/meant to be. 1
Chi townD Posted February 20, 2014 Posted February 20, 2014 Also, if she felt like that. Why wouldn't she speak up & say something? She did! She said I want to break up! Look, you didn't take care of the most BASIC things in a relationship that automatically should be a given. Now, she might have stayed with you because maybe she thought you had a bad boy streak, or an aloof player. But, that sh*t gets old fast. Grandpa always taught me that if you treat a woman with kindness, love and respect, then she's going to give that back to you and a LOT more! Example? You leave her a simple "Love you" post it note on her bathroom mirror. It wouldn't surprise me if, in turn, she brings you homemade chocolate chip cookies. Who makes out better on that deal!
Author john1682 Posted February 20, 2014 Author Posted February 20, 2014 She always preached communication though! Why not practice what you preach? I understand that I wasn't the best boyfriend but it's not like I completely forgot about her during our relationship...
Author john1682 Posted February 21, 2014 Author Posted February 21, 2014 She did! She said I want to break up! Look, you didn't take care of the most BASIC things in a relationship that automatically should be a given. Now, she might have stayed with you because maybe she thought you had a bad boy streak, or an aloof player. But, that sh*t gets old fast. Grandpa always taught me that if you treat a woman with kindness, love and respect, then she's going to give that back to you and a LOT more! Example? You leave her a simple "Love you" post it note on her bathroom mirror. It wouldn't surprise me if, in turn, she brings you homemade chocolate chip cookies. Who makes out better on that deal! But she ALWAYS preached communication! Why not practice what you preach? Idk man, I guess it was like that from the beginning. I mean it took me a couple of months to make it official, so that could've set some doubt into her... We're meeting up this week to "catch up" but I'm pretty sure it's going to head in a different direction...
Simon Phoenix Posted February 21, 2014 Posted February 21, 2014 Also, if she felt like that. Why wouldn't she speak up & say something? To be honest here, she shouldn't have to tell you that she wants you to introduce her to your friends, or even introduce her in social situation. That's pretty basic courtesy that you completely mucked up. If you couldn't even think to introduce her in meeting-type situations (which is just basic manners), I wouldn't have much faith in you to be able to process the emotions that comes from that kind of neglect. Sorry dude, I would chalk this up as a loss and figure out basic common courtesy.
somedude81 Posted February 21, 2014 Posted February 21, 2014 My most recent ex wasn't very open and straightforward with her real feelings. It made everything seem like a game and I was destined to lose eventually. Our final break-up happened because she didn't see "changes" in our relationship that she was looking for. She also said she expected me to make these changes "naturally" and that she shouldn't have to tell me. Honestly, most of the relationships I've been in failed simply due to the women not having realistic expectations of what a long-lasting relationship requires. They've all ended based on a change of "feeling" -- something quite opposite of love. My ex has a 3 year old son and I am the longest relationship she's been in.. 1 year, 3 months. There's a reason she had any long-term relationships.. she expects the initial chemical explosion of amazingness and romance to be sustained throughout the entire relationship or it's just not love/meant to be. Great post. Something is seriously wrong with some of the women out there. It's like they are expecting an instantaneous Disney level of romance that never goes away. That's not reality. 1
tlegend Posted February 21, 2014 Posted February 21, 2014 I'm sorry but I disagree. There are some people with whom my life has crossed paths with that I could tell you I still, to this day, get the butterfly effect in my stomach when I see them. Almost 7-8 years has passed since I've seen her last. She was my first love. To this day, I still get euphoric butterfly feelings when I look into her eyes.
Never Again Posted February 21, 2014 Posted February 21, 2014 I'm sorry but I disagree. There are some people with whom my life has crossed paths with that I could tell you I still, to this day, get the butterfly effect in my stomach when I see them. Almost 7-8 years has passed since I've seen her last. She was my first love. To this day, I still get euphoric butterfly feelings when I look into her eyes. No offense, but given the amount of time since you've seen her and the idea of her being your first love, it sounds like you've romanticized the IDEA of her. Hard to judge if "to this day" you'd still get anything, given that you haven't seen her in 7-8 years. Anyways, OP, the majority DOES have a big point...you mucked it up by not introducing her and flubbing up basic social protocol. It does not absolve her from not communicating with you if it bothered her, but your mistake was pretty constant and likely pretty hurtful.
Author john1682 Posted February 21, 2014 Author Posted February 21, 2014 No offense, but given the amount of time since you've seen her and the idea of her being your first love, it sounds like you've romanticized the IDEA of her. Hard to judge if "to this day" you'd still get anything, given that you haven't seen her in 7-8 years. Anyways, OP, the majority DOES have a big point...you mucked it up by not introducing her and flubbing up basic social protocol. It does not absolve her from not communicating with you if it bothered her, but your mistake was pretty constant and likely pretty hurtful. Ok, well we're meeting up this week. I never really got a full explanation about the breakup so I somewhat want to find out about something. Should I apoligize about acting like that off the bat? Or should I let her explain her side & than see where that takes us?
Never Again Posted February 21, 2014 Posted February 21, 2014 Ok, well we're meeting up this week. I never really got a full explanation about the breakup so I somewhat want to find out about something. Should I apoligize about acting like that off the bat? Or should I let her explain her side & than see where that takes us? I wouldn't suggest meeting up, but I know you will anyway, so my suggestion would be to hear her out. Don't say a word about your feelings. She won't care and you'll look like a loon. Let her say her piece, and don't make any excuses or promises to change. Acknowledge how she feels, accept it, and offer a dignified apology if warranted. Anything else will seem manipulative and not genuine. I also wouldn't put too much stock in getting a full explanation. They're pretty worthless. It comes down to the fact that she wasn't happy. You were each responsible for your 50% of the relationship. You screwed up first, and she enabled that screw up by being a doormat and not calling you out on it...and it just went downhill from there. You both made mistakes, but yours made her unhappy enough were she wanted to leave. That's the only explanation you need. 1
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