colea Posted February 20, 2014 Posted February 20, 2014 (edited) Last night my BF and I were talking. I'm a jealous person, I'll be the first to admit that. Not a controlling jealous person, but a "I don't want to hear about your past because if I do I'll get upset". On his Facebook he has pictures of him and his exes. That doesn't bother me. But what does is the pictures of them kissing. I have a few reasons for it. 1) We have very few pictures of us on his FB. None are his profile pictures. None are of us kissing or even looking like a couple. There are only 2 and they suck. We aren't even tagged in them so you can't see them unless you go through his wall. 2) I don't like seeing him kissing other people. It doesn't matter that it was before, I don't like it and it upsets me. He doesn't have to deal with it. 3) We've been talking about getting married a lot. I don't want to see our wedding pictures (if he even puts any up) and then him kissing other girls. Same with my friends and family, I don't want them seeing that. He knows I'm upset about it, doesn't care. I brought it up and said it was bothering me. He said he'd switch them to private because he still wants to see them. Why does he need to look at them? He said he wants the memories. Why do you need to remember that? When I broke up with an ex, I deleted the pictures of us because I didn't want reminders of that. He doesn't have any pictures of us. So the way I see it is, he wants to remember all of his exes but not our memories. Awesome. We've been together for a couple years. I hate the thought of him sitting there looking at all their pictures of them making out and doing things and looking nice, while we have 2 sh*tty pictures from a year ago. Who's wrong here? Edited February 20, 2014 by colea 1
Tayken Posted February 20, 2014 Posted February 20, 2014 Ah....Farcebook, another typical story of why I am not on any social media, considering I am very tech savvy It will seem am not missing much 2
oz-missy Posted February 20, 2014 Posted February 20, 2014 A picture is just a snap back in time. You're his present. People's past relationships help shape what kind of person they are now. Just because this person is his ex doesn't mean that it was a terrible breakup and there are no fond memories of that time. Your partner is not a robot with only the ability to think from the time he got with you. You need to accept that he has a past. If you want to get more photos of the two of you on Facebook, add them to your own wall and tag him in it. That way it will be on his feed as well.
Author colea Posted February 20, 2014 Author Posted February 20, 2014 The last relationship she cheated on him and the ones before that he cheated on them. Awesome relationships. I understand that he has a past. I don't see the point in needing to have pictures of you making out with exs though. Why not just have normal pictures? And why keep going back and looking at them. All of those pictures, he added himself. Why would he add tons of pictures of other girls but none of us together? I try to get him to and he says he will but it doesn't happen. Even if I tag him it won't be the same. All of the making out pictures are in his profile pictures. So if someone goes to look at his profile pictures, just go over a few and there's him making out with someone else, while there is none of us at all in his profile pictures.
D-Lish Posted February 20, 2014 Posted February 20, 2014 Some pretty huge red flags I'd say. I could understand if you guys were 15- but you said you're talking about marriage. Of course you know your partner has a past- is it cool that they keep pictures of themselves making out with other people on their timeline for public viewing? No way- ridiculous. 3
ThatGirl213 Posted February 20, 2014 Posted February 20, 2014 It seems like facebook and social media is what validates your relationship. Take a minute and think for yourself... 1)Has he ever cheated on you? Emotionally, physically with the exes or anyone for that matter? 2)Does he treat you well? 3)Does he show love and affection when you two go out together by yourselves or with friends? 4)Does he have the qualities you are looking for in a future husband and father of your kids? The answers to these questions should give you a hindsight to the kind of relationship you are involved in... Because remember 20-30 years from now, facebook or his pictures kissing his exes wouldn't be lying down next to you remembering the good life yall are having, comforting you while you are sick and making you happy. With that being said...why don't you post pics of him and tag him? What your family and friends think of your relationship isn't important as long as it isn't a bad relationship.
ThatGirl213 Posted February 20, 2014 Posted February 20, 2014 I know it can be frustrating but don't let that bother you too much if it is a good relationship.
LEEVIT2F8 Posted February 20, 2014 Posted February 20, 2014 I'll say this those pictures are snapshots of experiences that brought him to you. I kept every love letter and picture I received in high school and college. My ex-wife didn't like them at all. I just put them in a box in the attic. One day going through things I noticed that box was missing. She told me she didn't just throw them out but BURNED them like 2 years before I found out. I felt VERY violated. How dare she burn my memories?? Shortly after that I took on a mistress. Technology changes things from the archaic time of which I speak. But he did offer to switch them to private. To me that is kind of like putting them in a box in the attic. Your jealous of memories? Its not fair to him at all. He probably has some really good memories with those girls. Sure it didn't work out but it shows me that he is trying to be a positive person and focus on the good things in life. Not a horrible quality in a human being if you ask me... My final word on this is as follows. Those girls you see took a lot of bullets for you my dear! He learned how to be a better kisser and lover and friend through the mistakes me made with them. They are his past that molded your future. You should actually be grateful to each and every one of them. Because your now reaping the benefits of what they surely paid for in some form of heartache. 6
Author colea Posted February 20, 2014 Author Posted February 20, 2014 No one has said why he needs KISSING pictures. That is completely unnecessary. You want pictures together, fine. Why do they have to be of you making out? And why doesn't he want any of us? 2
Author colea Posted February 20, 2014 Author Posted February 20, 2014 Whatever. I'm done with this relationship. If he prefers looking at pictures of him kissing other girls and making me upset, clearly he doesn't give a ****. He cares more about his memories with THEM than me. End of story. 8
ExpatInItaly Posted February 20, 2014 Posted February 20, 2014 No one has said why he needs KISSING pictures. That is completely unnecessary. You want pictures together, fine. Why do they have to be of you making out? And why doesn't he want any of us? OP, I'm with you on this. I do not think it's appropriate for him to have pictures being physically intimate with other women on a public forum. I would be bothered by that too. Sure, lots of us keep letters/pictures from exes but not on social media and not of particularly intimate moments. Have you tried tagging pics of you two together? Or is that a problem for him for some reason? If he's actively trying to keep you out of his profile, that's a red flag. He may just be a lazy poster and not keeping up with tagging, etc. Try posting some pictures of you two and gauge his reaction.
Raena Posted February 20, 2014 Posted February 20, 2014 I'd have to agree with you OP... something is very wrong with this picture. If the two of you have been together a couple of years and he STILL has pics of his exes... kissing them... in his profile pictures then yes... it is most definitely sending YOU the wrong message. It isn't so much about what kind of message he is sending to others. He knows it upsets you and he doesn't care enough about your feelings to do what you need to be happy. I mean, how hard can it be to get them off of there? He can surely make them private so they aren't seen by others. That's what I did with my ex... and every post of him as well. All hidden. But really, he could just take them off, put them on a flash drive and keep them elsewhere rather than on FB. To the poster who said that FB is defining their relationship... no. I don't agree. It isn't about FB defining the relationship, it's about the fact that he isn't respecting her wishes. Keep those memories if you so choose, but you don't blast them in your GF's face every time she looks at your FB page either and then choose to NOT post pictures of her on there as well. This is a HUGE red flag. Something else is going on. He doesn't want someone to know that you two are as committed as you are. 5
Candice Luna Posted February 20, 2014 Posted February 20, 2014 Arghhh, I would be mortified if my boyfriend showed pictures of him kissing his exes on FB. Many people are saying it's not a big deal, but it is! It's very insulting to have your friends and family witness that lack of respect. And it's very insulting to you too. OP, I agree with you on this. Like others have said, he can keep them private. 1
Emilia Posted February 20, 2014 Posted February 20, 2014 The last relationship she cheated on him and the ones before that he cheated on them. Awesome relationships. That would worry me much more than the old pics. 4
soccerrprp Posted February 20, 2014 Posted February 20, 2014 (edited) I am shocked at some of the responses. OP, you should be irritated by the fact that this guy keeps pictures of exes (kissing) on his relatively PUBLIC FB profile. Crazy. You two have talked about marriage? AND HE HAS PICS OF EXES KISSING HIM??? Crazy. Yes, pictures of his past and memories. Most appropriate, considerate people don't keep pictures of exes on his or any social-media website for others to see, especially you. Crazy. OP, your bf is off. No reasonable person would think it okay to continue "showcasing" their past relationships while in a new one, with one considering marriage. He could easily take them off, hide those. Easy. ...crazy. Edited February 20, 2014 by soccerrprp 5
ChessPieceFace Posted February 20, 2014 Posted February 20, 2014 I find it hard to believe someone who is considering marriage to someone would come onto this forum, go back and forth over the issue on one page and then break up & cancel their potential marriage over facebook pictures. I agree it's poor of him to keep kissing pictures, but it seems to me you desperately need some perspective.
soccerrprp Posted February 20, 2014 Posted February 20, 2014 I find it hard to believe someone who is considering marriage to someone would come onto this forum, go back and forth over the issue on one page and then break up & cancel their potential marriage over facebook pictures. I agree it's poor of him to keep kissing pictures, but it seems to me you desperately need some perspective. CPF, It wouldn't bother you that your SO had pics of exes kissing and when YOU approached him/her that it bothered you, refused to delete them? Remove them? Why would your SO need to save them and continue to look at them as is the case in this situation? OP, How long have you known of the pics?
maiden of rohan Posted February 20, 2014 Posted February 20, 2014 It would bother me. Mainly because it shows that he does not care one iota about your feelings. He knows how you feel, yet refuses to remove them. That tells me that having those pictures up matters more to him than what you feel about them being there. Something is definitely off here. 2
Phantom888 Posted February 20, 2014 Posted February 20, 2014 I get jealous too, so I can definitely relate. When my GF and I first started dating I told her that it makes me uncomfortable to have her exs as friends on FB. They bothered me, and she agreed to take them off the next day. No more issues. I don't believe in staying friends with ex or having traces of my past when it's over. My GF has her wedding picture for the sole purpose of giving to her daughter when she gets older. I guess some kids want to know that at some point their parents were actually happy together. She understands how I feel, so she locks it up in storage so I don't accidentally come across it. She respects my feelings and I appreciate it. 1
SYLLPalmer Posted February 20, 2014 Posted February 20, 2014 why don't you post some of your own.... he is a disrespectful douche bag. What a turn off. 1
Gaeta Posted February 20, 2014 Posted February 20, 2014 It's not a matter of being jealous. You are dating a clown. If he wants to keep memories then he can keep them in a folder on his computer. I am not the jealous type, my boyfriend has pictures of him and his ex on his FB because they have children together and in every event they're both there. That is acceptable.
mercuryshadow Posted February 20, 2014 Posted February 20, 2014 Last night my BF and I were talking. I'm a jealous person, I'll be the first to admit that. Not a controlling jealous person, but a "I don't want to hear about your past because if I do I'll get upset". On his Facebook he has pictures of him and his exes. That doesn't bother me. But what does is the pictures of them kissing. I have a few reasons for it. 1) We have very few pictures of us on his FB. None are his profile pictures. None are of us kissing or even looking like a couple. There are only 2 and they suck. We aren't even tagged in them so you can't see them unless you go through his wall. 2) I don't like seeing him kissing other people. It doesn't matter that it was before, I don't like it and it upsets me. He doesn't have to deal with it. 3) We've been talking about getting married a lot. I don't want to see our wedding pictures (if he even puts any up) and then him kissing other girls. Same with my friends and family, I don't want them seeing that. He knows I'm upset about it, doesn't care. I brought it up and said it was bothering me. He said he'd switch them to private because he still wants to see them. Why does he need to look at them? He said he wants the memories. Why do you need to remember that? When I broke up with an ex, I deleted the pictures of us because I didn't want reminders of that. He doesn't have any pictures of us. So the way I see it is, he wants to remember all of his exes but not our memories. Awesome. We've been together for a couple years. I hate the thought of him sitting there looking at all their pictures of them making out and doing things and looking nice, while we have 2 sh*tty pictures from a year ago. Who's wrong here? First of all, he's being totally disrespectful. Pictures of/with exes are one thing, but kissing pics (or other documented intimate or affectionate acts) to me seems like he's rubbing it in your face purposefully. Even if he were just aloof about it, you've brought it to his attention that it bothers you , and he is STILL being disrespectful about it. Did you ask him how he would feel if he were in your position? I honestly don't think many people exist who would be fine with it... and if he cannot put himself in your position to consider your feelings, then I'd go so far as to say that he is incapable of empathy. And second of all, if he keeps those pics so he can "look at them" from time to time, then that's just completely inappropriate and wrong; he's in a relationship with YOU. Sorry, but I'd be heading out the door, not considering marriage.
LEEVIT2F8 Posted February 20, 2014 Posted February 20, 2014 Seriously, did EVERYONE miss the part where he said he would switch them to private? Then he is the only one that can see them right? She is still mad he would like to keep pictures of his life. Part of his life was kissing these girls. Big deal... I think she is the one being unreasonable and selfish here. She wants to be the center of his world not only right now and in the future but the PAST which she wasn't even a part of?? I don't get how hes the bad guy here at all...
FitChick Posted February 20, 2014 Posted February 20, 2014 I say give him one last chance by having friends take pictures of you two kissing and having fun at some get together. Lots of pictures. Someone can pretend they have a new camera or take pix of the other people as well to throw him off. Don't tell him why you are doing this. Then put the photos up and sit with him while he puts them up on his page, saying "You look so cute in this. Why wouldn't you want everyone to see?" Of course, if he crops you out of the photo... If he resists, he will never marry you. Move out and find someone better.
organizedchaos Posted February 20, 2014 Posted February 20, 2014 Seriously, did EVERYONE miss the part where he said he would switch them to private? Then he is the only one that can see them right? She is still mad he would like to keep pictures of his life. Part of his life was kissing these girls. Big deal... I think she is the one being unreasonable and selfish here. She wants to be the center of his world not only right now and in the future but the PAST which she wasn't even a part of?? I don't get how hes the bad guy here at all... It still shows he is not over his ex then and it is still disrespectful. Download them, store them away on a drive. But who needs to be constantly reminded of intimate moments with past gf's? Guys who aren't over them, that's who. 3
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