Imightfail Posted February 19, 2014 Posted February 19, 2014 Hello, been reading some threads because I googled some questions, found this site but want to get some insight for my own relationship. My ex gf dumped me about 5 months ago, we never had mayor issues (cheating or abuse) just some silly fights over mundane stuff, like how I started to fade away from her when I got a job (Saw her 1 day a week, started to have lower communication via social media or texting, due to the stress at work and tho the differences between us. I am the kind to stay a little away so I can make my mind clear about what I need to say, so I won't make any harm on her. She wanted to make me speak, and we argued, bla bla...), or about how my girl friends treated me and how I didn't marked any difference. I always try to be polite and for what a friend told me it might have looked like I was placing them on the same level, but she was the gf and of course she had a special place... I just didn't knew how to make her feel that way anymore. She was the first girl I wanted to be with, last relationships I had always started with the girl cheating on her current bf with me, or in sleeping with me before anything serious. She was different from any other girl I have ever met. I feel like she was a little inexperienced and that is why she seemed to be shy or insecure and this is what caused us some trust issues.... but y'know, she was intelligent, lovely, and always helped me with my own stuff. She left me for what I think was a misunderstanding and I reacted badly when she did, but I miss what we shared. One of my best friends is on her class at college and he tells me that she has been chased by several guys but she doesn't seems quiet interested on starting a relationship for a long time. Sometimes I think I don't want her to still be upset but since we had no real issues it seems to me like if we talk we can help this...should I just move on?
lvroflife Posted February 19, 2014 Posted February 19, 2014 What was your reaction? You said you reacted badly... need more details! Yes you should move on, so you can heal! You can't look at her as coming back for several reasons: If you do you slow down your healing process If she were to come back within two weeks you would still be emotional and a wreck. And come off as needy or clingy. If she were not to come back you'd be waiting and may pass up the one for you and other reasons... You have to better yourself for you! I know it is painful as all of us on here are going through something and you have to let her breath! You both need time to breath before thinking of reconciliation. You have to think about your actions in the relationship and how you can and if you can 100% change your wrongs. Accept your faults in the break up and allow her to think of hers. You said the split happen 5 months ago, since then have you two had any contact?
Author Imightfail Posted February 19, 2014 Author Posted February 19, 2014 I refused to explain to her what happened with a girl friend of mine, this friend and I went to a coffee and I didn't told her, when she found out she got really sad and upset, and for her reaction I defended my friend and not her... she is the kind to stick to her decisions buti think she wasn't convinced about ending this, because she texted me a week after she broke it off... she said she was sorry for being insecure at times but that she knew that we had something different. I feel like she got upset by something stupid and she just broke it off without a questions, that saddens me but I think it's fixable. there has been no contact since then except for today that i felt the urge to see her Facebook, but nothing else. Oh, and for what I gathered she has no other guy on mind now, so she didn't broke up to start any other thing.
lvroflife Posted February 20, 2014 Posted February 20, 2014 OK...Did she know you were going out with this friend? Did you tell her you were going? Also, what have you done to work on yourself during this split? How can you show her you are not the same person as before (and not just for her but you and the next girl)? It sounds like you do not want to take ownership for your part and place the blame on her (I am assuming this).
lvroflife Posted February 20, 2014 Posted February 20, 2014 OK...Did she know you were going out with this friend? Did you tell her you were going? Also, what have you done to work on yourself during this split? How can you show her you are not the same person as before (and not just for her but you and the next girl)? It sounds like you do not want to take ownership for your part and place the blame on her (I am assuming this).
Author Imightfail Posted February 20, 2014 Author Posted February 20, 2014 no, she didn't knew... it was random so I just did it and I assumed it was no big deal, but now I know i was of course wrong. I think we had to talk about the problems and we haven't really, and i think that we still have that chance but i don't want to be with her if she doesn't trusts me. I've been going to the gym and i am still working on my job, i just feel a little distant from life. I miss her
lvroflife Posted February 20, 2014 Posted February 20, 2014 If you get the chance to work it out with her then the first thing you need to do is apologize for going out with your friend. Next thing is (and only if she is willing to try the relationship again) talk about all the issues from the first relationship, because right now you guys are starting a new relationship and no bringing baggage from the previous relationship. HATCH OUT ALL from the previous, and be totally and brutally honest with each other. Then you have to take it slow!! Do not jump right back into sleeping together, DATE! Show her the fun dude you are! Show her you changed and why she NEEDS to take you back! And if you are successful, DO NOT go back to your former self!! ALWAYS keep improvnig showing her smething different but in a positive way! 1
Author Imightfail Posted February 20, 2014 Author Posted February 20, 2014 thank you:) i really want to make things right, we used to date a lot and have lots of fun but everything disappeared in the last weeks.. i am not really tolerant and this was my fault, one more thing... should I initiate contact?
lvroflife Posted February 20, 2014 Posted February 20, 2014 That is a tough call!! It has been months since you two last spoke correct? And how did the very last conversation go?
Author Imightfail Posted February 20, 2014 Author Posted February 20, 2014 She texted me a week after she broke up with me, just to apologize but I didn't replied and haven't contacted her since. She hasn't been dating and for what my friend told me she might still have feelings for me (i hope)
lvroflife Posted February 20, 2014 Posted February 20, 2014 Then yes reach out! But remember the first message is the most important so before you send it make sure you do some research on how to get back in touch! Because she was the one who dumped you! GOOD LUCK!! 1
ITw Posted February 21, 2014 Posted February 21, 2014 She texted me a week after she broke up with me, just to apologize but I didn't replied and haven't contacted her since. She hasn't been dating and for what my friend told me she might still have feelings for me (i hope) Things don't sound completely unfixable. The issues behind the break-up don't sound that huge. Have you contacted her yet or has she contacted you since you posted?
Author Imightfail Posted February 21, 2014 Author Posted February 21, 2014 no, i'm planning on doing it tonight actually i've been planning it since I posted this and before... i just don't know how to initiate it properly yet.
lvroflife Posted February 21, 2014 Posted February 21, 2014 Did you look up methods of contacting an ex via google?
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