Amethyst84 Posted February 19, 2014 Posted February 19, 2014 I've been with my boyfriend for 5 months. We have similar personalities, get along really well and have lots of fun together. He treats me like gold and I feel lucky to have him. I care about him so much and we are very affectionate. He would make a great long term partner. The only problem is that haven't ever really felt infatuated or "in love". The relationship itself is great, but I can't seem to stop worrying. I fear that I don't feel as intensely as I should and that I'll hurt him. I've become obsessed with these thoughts and a lot of the time its all I think about. I would like to just enjoy the relationship and be optimistic, but I don't know how to stop having these negative thoughts. Has anyone ever had similar issues? Did you overcome them and did things change? Any suggestions? P.s: He is aware of my feelings/concerns
Guitarisgood Posted February 19, 2014 Posted February 19, 2014 Learn to throw those thoughts out of your head or you will self fulfil your own prophecy. Got any hobbies you have been keen to try out? Take them up. Wanted to exercise more? Now is your chance. The problem with the 21st century is we have so much free time on our hands spent doing mindless things like watching tv etc it lets our minds wander way too much.
FitChick Posted February 20, 2014 Posted February 20, 2014 Stop chasing a media fantasy. The movies do a disservice to real, mature love by offering up infatuation and crushes as "real love." That stuff usually doesn't last. 1
Ruby Slippers Posted February 20, 2014 Posted February 20, 2014 The only problem is that haven't ever really felt infatuated or "in love". The relationship itself is great, but I can't seem to stop worrying. I think your instincts are trying to tell you something here. Some people are satisfied with a practical relationship that works well but doesn't have the spark, while others are not. I was in a similar relationship before, where the guy was crazy about me and he was an amazing boyfriend, but I never felt that spark for him. I really wanted to, but I don't think you can force it. I could never fully relax in the relationship because I felt like something was missing. I've also had the opposite situation, where the in love feelings were one-sided, from my side. That really didn't feel any better. What does your intuition tell you you should do?
Els Posted February 20, 2014 Posted February 20, 2014 What do you define as 'infatuation'? How deeply do you think you should feel to be 'in love'? On the other hand, how do you feel about him? 1
awkwardturtle Posted February 20, 2014 Posted February 20, 2014 I guess you're saying you should/want to feel butterflies but you don't. I agree it's a great feeling, but it's not necessary for a happy relationship. I've fallen in love over time with guys who gave me no butterflies whatsoever, and I don't believe that made the love any less real. The butterflies fade in time anyway even if they're there at the beginning.
Author Amethyst84 Posted February 21, 2014 Author Posted February 21, 2014 Elswyth - I guess I feel like infatuation would be really intense feelings where I think about them a lot and fantasize about the relationship. I've had this before, but those were instances where the relationships existed more in my head than in real life. I know this isn't really necessary but I expected it more in the start of a relationship. As for being in love, I guess I expect a greater sense of certainty about commitment, as well as some elements of infatuation. I guess just being more sure of my feelings. What I do know is that I really care about him, respect him, and feel a lot of affection for him. I like how much fun we can have together and like the way he treats me. We are different enough to compliment each other but similar enough to relate. I feel cared for and respected. I don't know if this is how most relationships feel, but I keep telling myself I should feel more.
Els Posted February 21, 2014 Posted February 21, 2014 Elswyth - I guess I feel like infatuation would be really intense feelings where I think about them a lot and fantasize about the relationship. I've had this before, but those were instances where the relationships existed more in my head than in real life. I know this isn't really necessary but I expected it more in the start of a relationship. As for being in love, I guess I expect a greater sense of certainty about commitment, as well as some elements of infatuation. I guess just being more sure of my feelings. What I do know is that I really care about him, respect him, and feel a lot of affection for him. I like how much fun we can have together and like the way he treats me. We are different enough to compliment each other but similar enough to relate. I feel cared for and respected. I don't know if this is how most relationships feel, but I keep telling myself I should feel more. Hmmm, yes, I DO think you should be feeling more, especially at 5 months. The comfortable feeling you're describing is great, but that's the sort of feeling that I have at 2-3 years after having gone through the end of honeymoon phase together, not at 5 months. And given that YOU have had those feelings towards other guys in the past, I wouldn't chalk it down solely to difference of personality type either. Maybe try and probe deeper into your feelings and identify why you are lacking passion towards this guy?
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