Feeorin Posted February 23, 2014 Posted February 23, 2014 Caliguy - the lies are the best part. When I first met my ex he told me he ran 7 businesses. Right. I also had the whole greater education thing, but found out he actually didn't finish school. So the lies are there just to give you this illusion of who they are expected to be. Mind you, they do think greatly of themselves, but they don't like who they really are. I found a saying the other day off a narc site and it goes something like this: 'of all the lies he told I love you was my favourite'... And it's so true. I was idealised beyond belief, thought I have met my soul mate and then bam, all gone. He was asking for more kids a month ago... A week later he just left... I cant go NC as I see him every week re visitations. But I play it pleasantly because I don't want to give him the pleasure of showing him the pain he has caused. But he is no longer welcome here. I'm getting into that mind frame now, have had alot of support... And been getting out and meeting new people too. Been real good... :-) Time we worked on ourselves, fix the problem that attracts us to these people and close that chapter. They don't feel anything so wondering if they are thinking about us, is pointless. We are only a supply and nothing more...
Caliguy30 Posted February 23, 2014 Posted February 23, 2014 I never thought of the lies in that way, but it's a good way to interpret them. Seeing the lying as them trying to be someone, but being disappointed in the person they are. Really makes you see it from a completely messed up position and looking at me who is continuously successful in the things I do. I'm not saying I'm perfect, but I'm much further along in my career and maturity level than she is. Thinking about our relationship is emotionally draining.
Feeorin Posted February 23, 2014 Posted February 23, 2014 Ye the lies are just a cover. They mimic what u want or expect from them. It must be highly draining for them to continue with this facade. It's still no excuse for how they treat people though. No one deserves to be treated as nothing. But yes, I think the fact we are all seeking help with the people who have hurt us, is enough for me to validate that I at least have a heart. And when I cried for days, I took comfort in knowing that I was normal. Lol. Funny how we change our perspective when the narc fog rises. We will get stronger, promise. It takes time to heal from this kinda relationship, and it's not because of what they have done or how they ended it, it's because we can't comprehend this behaviour from a person we fell in love with. It's all so confusing, and that's why we harp on and obsess. But we will get there... And have a good relationship with someone new who will love us back in the way we deserve. And what will they be doing? Just living a life full of lies and emptiness. Whoever they have left us for, well... They can have them... And good luck to them!!!!
Caliguy30 Posted February 23, 2014 Posted February 23, 2014 It still sucks though. I want a relationship with the person I thought she was haha. She said the last time I talked to her that she's not the person I fell in love with anymore. I said haha you never were.
Author JunkYardDog Posted February 23, 2014 Author Posted February 23, 2014 Yea, its draining, doesnt make sense, but....how can it make sense? Locical thinking can not be applied to the illogical. Round peg, square hole. Even with knowing, however, we still are subjected to the normal reaction to an abnormal situation. We are (somewhat, lol) normal humans, thats why we feel what we do. Our brain isnt built with that infrastructure to decode such a thing. It goes against all things hardwired in us. Thats why its so hard to get through and deal with, but we will, finally, in our own time be able to somehow do it and move on and become stronger in the process. As much as it all hurt(s), slowly but surely my mind is gaining on my heart. Research, reading, input, hearing others stories helps immensely. I think the best counseling can be obtained from others who have gone though it. They know. Although we were once duped, our sense of it is highly perceptive now and can offer sound, field proven advice. I argue even more so than 'professional' therapists who just spend 45 mins at a time with these people and never really have attachment to or exposure as to what they really are and can do to you behind closed doors. They are people as well and no degree is a match for these skilled predators who have honed their skills over a lifetime of practice. Heres a great read, its based on BPD but has useful info that you can apply to all cluster B's. AT ANY COST: Saving your Life after Loving a Borderline.
Feeorin Posted February 24, 2014 Posted February 24, 2014 Lol, I read that even if they attempt therapy, the therapist would need a therapist after dealing with these kind... The blaming, the projection, the silent treatments, lack of empathy - its all so wow and unbelievable. I did think I could change the dynamics of the relationship so that we could be ok, but my attempts were futile. I think in 6 years, I heard him apologise once for something he did. I was so shocked that I jokingly even said I had better record the apology. However, when you did something that he couldn't accept - you had to beg and prove how sorry you were (prove your worth eh). I did a lot to keep the peace and my sanity, but it does just get too much after awhile. I even started thinking there was something wrong with me - and that's exactly where they want you. Its your problem, you are to blame and you are the psychotic one with issues. Looking back, I cant believe I endured this for so long. Like a hamster running on a wheel and never leaving point A. Things never ever progressed. Healthy boundaries were always discarded. Thanks for the link - so familiar. I got this - also similar in context. I have had a brief read through it. Maybe will help you guys.... (Hope its ok to post it) The Sociopath Next Door .pdf - PDF Archive
Author JunkYardDog Posted March 7, 2014 Author Posted March 7, 2014 So after 5 breadcrumbs the past few weeks, then her driving away from me when I saw her last week and pulled up next to her to talk I get this email crumb that kind of has me freaking out. Its titled 'my house' Hi, someone told me that they saw you at my house standing at my door. Is this true? If so, when? And why? She is making up stories now. I didnt do that and why would she ask when it was when the 'someone' said they saw me, shouldnt they know when it was? I dont want her to think Im stalking her or try to frame me for something because it aint true. What should I do?
Saurren Posted March 7, 2014 Posted March 7, 2014 She just wants your attention, I would ignore it and move on. 1
Chi townD Posted March 7, 2014 Posted March 7, 2014 Yeah, ignore her. That's a set up waiting to happen.
Simon Phoenix Posted March 7, 2014 Posted March 7, 2014 Laugh to yourself and delete the message. Why would you even think to answer something like that? 1
LostConfused123 Posted March 8, 2014 Posted March 8, 2014 Laugh to yourself and delete the message. Why would you even think to answer something like that? LOL! Well said/written. it's absurd. . . . geez! she sounds like a weasel!
Feeorin Posted March 8, 2014 Posted March 8, 2014 She's pissed that her supply is no longer responding to her messages. That's all. The worse thing you can do to a narc is ignore. No one ignores them!!!!! Lol... keep up the silence, you know it's for the better in the long run. The narc fog will eventually rise, mine has and I'm actually realising my ex did a good thing by ending our relationship. I'm happy. I'm meeting new people, going out, gaining my self worth again... It feels great! I don't believe I will ever go backwards. I do deserve more and when you realise this too, it will become easier... Keep strong.
Caliguy30 Posted March 8, 2014 Posted March 8, 2014 I wish I was out of the fog. I keep allowing her I reel me in and then get "scared" one day then how much she misses me next. I wish I was out of the fog so badly and I know I won't be out of it, but I keep letting her do this to me. I honestly feel like I literally can't let go like I'm abandoning her. Therapist says a healthy person who wants to break up will not respond or clearly not tell you the things she tells me. I have been in normal breakups and this does not feel normal it's a stringing along and it makes me feel like I'm insane.
LauBee20 Posted March 8, 2014 Posted March 8, 2014 I just got some breadcrumbs today. He moved out one week ago today. He upped and left and walked out on me and our life because "he wanted to be alone". I started NC with him Thursday. I know him so well that I knew he was expecting me to beg, and plead, and fight, because well, I've done those things. But I gave stuck to it and this morning I get a text: "I still have your garage clicker. I can drop it by some time today" (no response) "Do you want me to drop the garage opener by or mail it?" (no response) Why not just mail, why ask? The thing is I do need it. But in no way will I have him drop it off to me.
ScaredAlien2 Posted March 10, 2014 Posted March 10, 2014 Don't act on it. I took my ex back from the breadcrumbs she sent me. I rationalized it was worth it to give her another shot, because our good times were worth the difficulty of getting past her treating me how she did the first time around. In the end I came to find out that she was only back with me to relieve her guilt of hurting me. Knowing she only came back for selfish reasons, and did it all again to me, kills me inside. Don't let her win, it's not worth starting over back at day 1. I did it and now am struggling again with NC for not even a week, I'm crushed but I took that risk. I won't do it again, and I hope you won't as well, or seriously know what you the potential risk is, the pain all over again... It's not worth it. And if you do, don't rollover, make her work hard for your love again. Keep the upper hand. Good luck to you!
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