cleopatrajames Posted February 19, 2014 Posted February 19, 2014 Hi, I'm in this strange situation where I can't tell if this guy is being shy/afraid or if I'm annoying him. I saw him around my workplace, which is huge. I ran into him sometimes and always saw him looking in my direction from afar. I started smiling at him every time I saw him. Then I started a conversation with him, and he was super engaged (a little too engaged it was almost weird) and kept asking me questions one after the other. Now, whenever I see him and say hi he stops to talk, never just walks by. BUT, if there is a short pause in the conversation (2-3 seconds), he immediately says he has to go. So basically as long as I am the one keeping the conversation going he seems engaged, but our convos don't last more than 5 minutes. He does seem a bit nervous when talking to me but it could be because he doesn't know how to get out of the conversation? I asked him if he wanted to go get coffee and he quickly said no he had to go to a meeting. He still stops to talk, though, whenever I say hi. What should I do? Does this sound like I'm the annoying girl who can't take a hint? P.S. he's 23 years old
Zahara Posted February 19, 2014 Posted February 19, 2014 Maybe he's just being polite by responding to you. Maybe he has a girlfriend and is just being cordial when you engage. You asked him out for coffee and he said no. Just leave it alone. If you happen to be in a place where the two of you are together, be cordial. No need to go out of your way by making small talk or seeking him out to have a conversation. 2
LEEVIT2F8 Posted February 19, 2014 Posted February 19, 2014 Is he socially awkward in general? Sometimes guys that are on the socially awkward side will freeze up around a girl they like. He could be worried about flirting on the job too. If he has no real reason to be in your area but makes frequent trips to your location hes interested in you. But he might be worried about getting in trouble with his supervisor or HR. Do you think something you said the time he asked a lot of questions was a deal breaker? It could also be he was interested but something in that conversation turned him off. What are your relative attractiveness levels? Are one of you much more physically attractive then the other?
Author cleopatrajames Posted February 19, 2014 Author Posted February 19, 2014 Is he socially awkward in general? Sometimes guys that are on the socially awkward side will freeze up around a girl they like. He could be worried about flirting on the job too. If he has no real reason to be in your area but makes frequent trips to your location hes interested in you. But he might be worried about getting in trouble with his supervisor or HR. Do you think something you said the time he asked a lot of questions was a deal breaker? It could also be he was interested but something in that conversation turned him off. What are your relative attractiveness levels? Are one of you much more physically attractive then the other? I don't think he is socially awkward in general, but he does seem awkward around me. He could avoid me if he wanted to, or at least just say hi and nothing more and keep moving without stopping. I also don't think our attractiveness levels are very different (but I'm not sure how to rate my own attractiveness! ) Oh, and I'm 99% sure he is single. Thanks for your input.
LEEVIT2F8 Posted February 19, 2014 Posted February 19, 2014 Office things can be strange. No one wants to risk a sexual harassment issue with HR these days. Some people just have a rule they don't date people they work with period. Do you ever comment on how he looks or smells? Do you ever touch him when chatting, like pats on the shoulders etc? Many men have a hard time picking up signals even in purely social situations. But those two tend to raise the eyebrow of even the most dense or inexperienced guys. I would say if you haven't already send more of the overt signals. Then stop and see what he does for about a week. Reduce your conversation when he walks by to the occasional wave. If he starts initiating then he is into you. If he just ghosts by for a week then you have that answer too. Hope it helps.
TheNewMe2014 Posted February 19, 2014 Posted February 19, 2014 I actually think he's nervous and afraid the pauses will make him feel awkward and that he's boring or not outgoing enough - so he uses that to go. But seeing the situation is important.
Author cleopatrajames Posted March 4, 2014 Author Posted March 4, 2014 He initiated the conversation twice this week... Now what?
Emilia Posted March 4, 2014 Posted March 4, 2014 He initiated the conversation twice this week... Now what? If he isn't responding in a similar manner (ie initiating too at times) just leave it. 1
newmoon Posted March 4, 2014 Posted March 4, 2014 I think you might be confusing polite conversation with interest. you went and created an awkward situation for him. geesh - if he passes by without a hello it'll embarrass you more and if he does stop you're going to be all excited that he cares. his answer was given when he turned you down for coffee, NO. the workplace is for work and lots of people don't want to involve themselves in complicated work dating/romances. just do your job, and unless he actually asks you out don't assume he's interested.
TaraMaiden Posted March 4, 2014 Posted March 4, 2014 Do not even THINK of trying to begin a dating/relationship with a colleague.... Particularly this one.... if that's crossed your mind, here, that is.....
PegNosePete Posted March 4, 2014 Posted March 4, 2014 I asked him if he wanted to go get coffee and he quickly said no You have your answer right here. Just a "no". Not "I can't at the moment because I have a meeting but would love to meet up this evening". Not "I have a meeting but give me your number and I'll call you". Not even "I am busy but how about another time". Just a flat out "no" means just what it says... no.
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