older Posted February 19, 2014 Posted February 19, 2014 I'm new to this but need great advice. I am a 51 man that is fit and considered attractive. 1 1/2 years ago I meet a 28 yr old beautiful lady that has a 2 yr old daughter which I consider my own. We have a lot of intimate moments and love each other very much. I own a prominent music business and have been a well known musician all my life. 6 months ago I asked her to move in with me. Helped her get a great job and I have been paying all the bills and even provide her a great car. She has a degree and is one of the smartest women I know. problem is, our sex life started great but after moving in has declined to sometimes once a month. I know their is know one else in her life and she doesn't want anyone nor do I. I just want more. I have a very high libido and l look at it as a release as well as intimate. I know I satisfy her and can be a marathon man when the time comes. It's hard to list it all on here but, what can I do?. I try to be romantic, spontaneous, planned, playful and flirtatious. I tell her how beautiful she is everyday and take her on trips. Any ideas to kickstart our sexual relationship back in gear!!
Grumpybutfun Posted February 19, 2014 Posted February 19, 2014 Have you asked her? Have you sat down calmly and talked about expectations and needs? Best, G 1
Author older Posted February 19, 2014 Author Posted February 19, 2014 I've explained my frustration and why sometimes I get moody is out of confusion. I've asked her what we can do about the situation and finally just told her that my only conclusion is to take care of myself so the urges are gone and I'll be there when ready. She has never been sexually molested and appears to be brought up in a good home.
Candy_Pants Posted February 19, 2014 Posted February 19, 2014 Communication is key!!! When I first started having sex with my husband, then boyfriend, we were like rabbits!! Now I have to struggle sometimes to keep him satisfied. I could tell he needed more sex so I asked him in a joking way what he expected. I then learned he didn't like to watch porn or masturbate alone. So we reached a compromise. As I am sure you can do with your lady. Find out what turns her on. Make sure not to be judgemental because if she senses that it can be a HUGE turnoff. Sit down with her and play a game. Write down three fantasies. They can include others or not, whatever you two decide. Then try to make 1-2 happen for both of you. Or buy a sexy board game where in order to win you must do fun sexy things to eachother. So everyone wins!!
Grumpybutfun Posted February 19, 2014 Posted February 19, 2014 What does she say? What are her thoughts on the subject or have you asked her and listened? Have you discussed expectations and needs for the relationship for intimacy? Talking about a problem is only effective if you two can agree on a solution. Find out what she finds doable and then work with her for something that is mutually satisfying. I think women do not understand that one of the only ways men receive intimacy due to societal restrictions is through sex. That might be something she needs to know too. You both need to get your needs met, and when they do not coincide, a Compromise needs to be agreed upon. I know it sounds business oriented, but I have married for twenty years and it is effective since men and women do think and behave differently to get needs met. Good luck, Grumps
Author older Posted February 19, 2014 Author Posted February 19, 2014 I've really tried to do all I can. for instance, standing in the kitchen I came up from behind her and whispered how about a little afternoon delight!!, she turned and said, you mean a beer??, she stated it was a joke later but it bothered me. I'm just not sure what else to do. we do have a good communication and I've explained what my needs are. Appreciate all the advice guys:)
kaylan Posted February 19, 2014 Posted February 19, 2014 Ill be honest... I see a young single mom who found an older guy who would put her on a pedestal. Now that she got hooked up with a nice job, a place to live, and other things, the sex has died when usually younger couples are still going at it plenty. I think shes using you as a ride. She found a successful older guy who would be ok with her being a single mom of lesser means. 10
MidwestUSA Posted February 19, 2014 Posted February 19, 2014 Ill be honest... I see a young single mom who found an older guy who would put her on a pedestal. Now that she got hooked up with a nice job, a place to live, and other things, the sex has died when usually younger couples are still going at it plenty. I think shes using you as a ride. She found a successful older guy who would be ok with her being a single mom of lesser means. This^^. You've given her everything she needs/wants. Are you sure she doesn't have a younger guy on the side? Absolutely sure? 1
xxoo Posted February 19, 2014 Posted February 19, 2014 I've really tried to do all I can. for instance, standing in the kitchen I came up from behind her and whispered how about a little afternoon delight!!, she turned and said, you mean a beer??, she stated it was a joke later but it bothered me. I'm just not sure what else to do. we do have a good communication and I've explained what my needs are. Appreciate all the advice guys:) Well, that isn't the best way to turn a woman on--asking for sex when she's doing the dishes. And that is what your challenge is: to turn her on. Get her thinking about sex with you, craving sex, wanting to get naked with you. Does she hug you a lot? Lots of cuddles and kisses? 5
pteromom Posted February 19, 2014 Posted February 19, 2014 I came up from behind her and whispered how about a little afternoon delight!! LOL... You couldn't sound more 51 saying something like that. Seriously though, you need to talk to her. Ask her if there is anything you can do to get her more interested in sex. Ask her if you do anything that turns her off. Ask her if it was 100% up to her, how often you would have sex. Because there could be a variety of reasons she isn't into it. It could be she just has a lower sex drive. Could be she has another guy. Could be she's turned off by something you are doing. Could be she's having hormonal or physical issues that are affecting her libido. Could be she prefers masturbation to sex. Only she knows, so the only hope for solving this problem is talking to her about it. 4
xxoo Posted February 19, 2014 Posted February 19, 2014 LOL... You couldn't sound more 51 saying something like that. I thought the same thing! 6
Author older Posted February 19, 2014 Author Posted February 19, 2014 Haven't asked her about if it was up to her, great idea. No, she wasn't doing dishes but pouring a glass of tea. Really don't think their is another guy and don't know when she would have time and of course I pay attention to certain situations. She says I still turn her on but don't want to be that guy for a ride. Great thoughts from you guy's except the rape!! neither of us want that!
Tayken Posted February 19, 2014 Posted February 19, 2014 Communication is key!!! When I first started having sex with my husband, then boyfriend, we were like rabbits!! Now I have to struggle sometimes to keep him satisfied. I could tell he needed more sex so I asked him in a joking way what he expected. I then learned he didn't like to watch porn or masturbate alone. So we reached a compromise. As I am sure you can do with your lady. Find out what turns her on. Make sure not to be judgemental because if she senses that it can be a HUGE turnoff. Sit down with her and play a game. Write down three fantasies. They can include others or not, whatever you two decide. Then try to make 1-2 happen for both of you. Or buy a sexy board game where in order to win you must do fun sexy things to eachother. So everyone wins!! Ewwwww....TMI
RedRobin Posted February 19, 2014 Posted February 19, 2014 Ill be honest... I see a young single mom who found an older guy who would put her on a pedestal. Now that she got hooked up with a nice job, a place to live, and other things, the sex has died when usually younger couples are still going at it plenty. I think shes using you as a ride. She found a successful older guy who would be ok with her being a single mom of lesser means. Ditto. That's ok though. Probably cheaper for you than hiring an escort and more reliable than a FWB. She may not have someone on the side. Taking care of kids is time consuming. If she DID want someone on the side, it's easy to manage and lots of guys wouldn't care that she was living with someone. This is the tradeoff (usually) when you decide to venture this far out of your age group IMHO. *shrug* 2
xxoo Posted February 20, 2014 Posted February 20, 2014 Considering the age gap, and the issues you are having, it does seem likely that she is with you for practical reasons (security, stability) rather than passionate reasons. Maybe ask her how important a passionate, sexual relationship is in her life. And listen carefully to the answer. 2
PinkInTheLimo Posted February 20, 2014 Posted February 20, 2014 I'm new to this but need great advice. I am a 51 man that is fit and considered attractive. 1 1/2 years ago I meet a 28 yr old beautiful lady that has a 2 yr old daughter which I consider my own. We have a lot of intimate moments and love each other very much. I own a prominent music business and have been a well known musician all my life. 6 months ago I asked her to move in with me. Helped her get a great job and I have been paying all the bills and even provide her a great car. She has a degree and is one of the smartest women I know. problem is, our sex life started great but after moving in has declined to sometimes once a month. I know their is know one else in her life and she doesn't want anyone nor do I. I just want more. I have a very high libido and l look at it as a release as well as intimate. I know I satisfy her and can be a marathon man when the time comes. It's hard to list it all on here but, what can I do?. I try to be romantic, spontaneous, planned, playful and flirtatious. I tell her how beautiful she is everyday and take her on trips. Any ideas to kickstart our sexual relationship back in gear!! A woman of 28 normally does not want to be with a 51-year old guy, however fit and attractive he is. So if a woman of 28 is together with a 51-year old guy, it is most probably because she gets other advantages from the relationship, even is she's not really aware of it herself. When you met her she was a single mother with a very young child. I presume that this was not her choice. So you met her when she was pretty vulnerable, she was a damsel in distress and you saved her: offering her a job, a car, a place to live. You offer her an easy life and she probably likes you but I doubt that she loves you in the passionate way a woman can love a man. 2 reasons: 1) you are too old for her and 2) you behave like a daddy to her with all these presents. Women don't want to make love to their daddy... You are one of these guys my age who find themselves to great and young and fit and whatever more and think that this amazing package only goes together with a young beautiful woman. So when this woman starts a relationship with you, you think she is head over heels in love with you. She most probably is not and that is the reason why she does not feel like making love like you. I can guarantee you and my gals RedRobin en xxoo will confirm that: if a woman loves a man, she wants to make love to him. A lot. There are women your age who could passionately love you but you feel too good for them. They would also tell you to shut up when you become all c!cky about how fit and attractive you are and how much younger and fitter you are than other guys your age. PLEEEAAASSSEE, we hear that nonsense all the time and it only screams one thing: midlife crisis and not being able to accept that you are aging. Believe me: you are, no matter how many 28 year olds you will chase. BTW, that "afternoon delight" sentence would not exactly light my fire either to be honest... 2
hotpotato Posted February 21, 2014 Posted February 21, 2014 She probably feels sexually about you the way you may feel about women your own age - too old! People my age mostly do not want to deal with things that go along with dating someone in their fifties, things like saggy skin, wrinkles, health problems. Men get older despite what they may think. I had a man in his 50s try to date me. Honestly, it would be hard for me to have sex with them. It's usually super rich older men who have success with older ladies. You are providing her with stability but not necessarily sexual excitement. 1
Robert Z Posted February 21, 2014 Posted February 21, 2014 Hmmm, maybe I'll just stick with sugar babies and escorts. It makes like so much simpler! At least the sex is guaranteed. OP, you could also be suffering from the effects of pair bonding. Many women start to lose their drive as soon as they feel secure in a relationship. One of the rewards of being a loyal and faithful husband can be, you get cut off. 1
TAV Posted February 21, 2014 Posted February 21, 2014 OP, you could also be suffering from the effects of pair bonding. Many women start to lose their drive as soon as they feel secure in a relationship. One of the rewards of being a loyal and faithful husband can be, you get cut off. yeah, it's true, us women; we have no sexdrive and only put it out to reel in the meal ticket since we are unable to work ourselves. What decade did you time travel from?? We need sex as much as men do but there are a lot of guys out there who make no effort trying to find out what really turns us on or, sadly, a lot of women who do not know how to ask for what they want. She 'coming from a good home' probably the cause of this and old guy having a huge ego not able to do much about it.
central Posted February 21, 2014 Posted February 21, 2014 (edited) She may be a low drive (LD) woman, and you are clearly a high drive (HD) man. Her libido simply isn't sufficient to satisfy you. This mismatch often escapes notice until too late. The initial year or so of a relationship is new and exciting and sex is good and usually fairly frequent even for LD women. Then, the initial hormonal rush fades, and you see the "real" normal state sex drive. There are other sites and forums where this is a major and frequent topic. Very few such couples find a solution to their differing drives. The LD person is very happy because they get as much sex as they want whenever they want, but the HD partner is always frustrated and never gets their needs met on a regular basis. They have to live with it, or they have to break up (the success stories are so few and limited that IMO it's not even worth the effort to try to "fix"). Many resort to cheating if they stay together, or the frustration eventually destroys the relationship anyway. Perhaps it's something else entirely, and I hope so for your sake. But, this sounds all too familiar (and I lived it myself in my first marriage), and the outcome all too predictable. Edited February 21, 2014 by central
Robert Z Posted February 21, 2014 Posted February 21, 2014 OP, you could also be suffering from the effects of pair bonding. Many women start to lose their drive as soon as they feel secure in a relationship. One of the rewards of being a loyal and faithful husband can be, you get cut off.yeah, it's true, us women; we have no sexdrive and only put it out to reel in the meal ticket since we are unable to work ourselves. What decade did you time travel from?? My comments are based in part on a recent German study that has been posted many times here. And no one is saying that women do this by choice. It is biological. But I think it is time for women to recognize what a problem this is and how unfair it is for men.
TAV Posted February 21, 2014 Posted February 21, 2014 Hmmm, maybe I'll just stick with sugar babies and escorts. It makes like so much simpler! At least the sex is guaranteed. OP, you could also be suffering from the effects of pair bonding. Many women start to lose their drive as soon as they feel secure in a relationship. One of the rewards of being a loyal and faithful husband can be, you get cut off. My comments are based in part on a recent German study that has been posted many times here. And no one is saying that women do this by choice. It is biological. But I think it is time for women to recognize what a problem this is and how unfair it is for men. boohoo! Poor men. Or poor you. Not sure why you are generalising, scientifically proven or not, that's never a good thing. I just hope you do not use this study to not work on improving the sexual relationship with your woman. I'm sure there are plenty of studies to show that it actually can be done; improve your sexlife, also in a marriage. It just takes some effort, like most things. Feeling sorry for yourself isn't constructive, on either side.
RedRobin Posted February 21, 2014 Posted February 21, 2014 (edited) RobertZ, what you are describing has never happened in any of my LTR's or marriage. However, studies have shown that women often feel neglected and taken for granted by their husbands. Neglect is cited as the #1 reason why women divorce. It isn't violence, substance abuse, or infidelity. It's neglect. The husbands take her requests as nagging, and a vicious cycle starts where she isn't getting her emotional needs met and then doesn't feel like meeting his... then no one is happy. ... as far as the OP goes... (if he ever returns)... he probably didn't do his homework in advance on why she is with him in the first place. It's a fantasy a lot of guys have that they can have a passionate relationship with a much younger woman. I personally have never witnessed a healthy one in my lifetime. It's always a negotiation over money/status. Sure, she may 'like' him ok... but very, very few will ever have that jump his bones passion she'd have for someone closer to her own age... is my observation. Edited February 21, 2014 by RedRobin
PinkInTheLimo Posted February 22, 2014 Posted February 22, 2014 OP, you could also be suffering from the effects of pair bonding. Many women start to lose their drive as soon as they feel secure in a relationship. One of the rewards of being a loyal and faithful husband can be, you get cut off. Well I am a woman and apparently wired in a totally different way. The more secure I feel in a relationship the more I want to make love to my man. Knowing that my partner is loyal and faithful to me is a big turn on! 2
newmoon Posted February 22, 2014 Posted February 22, 2014 I love these type of posts because no wonder how 'fit, attractive, and hot" an older man thinks he is... he just isn't. period. unless it is for someone in your own age group. a 28-year-old woman might find an older man attractive for his qualities (money, job, stability, etc.) but sexually it's just not realistic. don't be a fool and think someone young really desires you sexually and that the magic will come back and the sex will increase. perhaps if you increase the amount of money and presents you throw her way... cuz what else would a woman that age really want with such an old guy?? be real with yourself.
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