Kingston100 Posted February 19, 2014 Posted February 19, 2014 Just looking for a little insight, trying not to read too much into this but it has been on my mind. I have been dating a new guy for 3 months. It is very new, but we have been spending a LOT of time together and have had some pretty deep conversations about what we want out of life. We both have similar goals (house, marriage, kids) and similar values (religion, gun control, child rearing) and are both in a point in our lives where we are ready for marraige. He is 31 and I am 29. We both recently (within the last few years) got out of long term relationships where we wasted a lot of time not knowing what the other partner wanted. For me, it was 10 years of hoping he would change his mind about kids and marraige. He expressed to me that the reason he broke up wit his ex (after 7 years) was because she finally admitted she didn't want kids. The other day he and I were having a joking converation about couples we know who dated for a really long time before getting married and he said "how long do we have to wait?". He caught me off guard and I basically just told him that we only have to wait for him to ask me, and for me to say yes. Then we changed the topic. I know 3 months is WAY too early to get engaged, but I can see myself marrying this guy and maybe this time next year starting to make plans. I get the feeling he feels the same way, but maybe was too nervous to have a serious discussion about it. Is there a chance he said that to gage my reaction? Or was it just a joke and he's already forgotten about it?
d0nnivain Posted February 19, 2014 Posted February 19, 2014 I doubt it was a joke. Since I don't know him, I can't say whether he forgot about it. Since you realize that 3 months is a bit too soon, I think you handled it well in the moment. Don't say or do anything about it. Almost pretend it didn't happen. Certainly don't invest anything in that statement but stay calm & enjoy the relationship. See where things go.
BradJacobs Posted February 19, 2014 Posted February 19, 2014 I doubt it was a joke. If you would have laughed it off or told him he was crazy then more than likely he would have backtracked and said he meant it in a funny way. My girlfriend and I had this discussion this weekend. I didn't think anything of it but, in my defense, I didn't ask her how long we have to wait. I did agree with her that a 10-year courtship is not something that I want but I don't want to rush anything either. I'm glad that you found someone that you can see a forever with.
ExpatInItaly Posted February 19, 2014 Posted February 19, 2014 I wouldn't put much weight into it. I don't think he was joking, per se, but I also don't think it would be wise to assume he's going to propose. You're right when you say 3 months is too early. You barely know him. Sure, you might have similar values but you haven't experienced much of life or many challenges together yet to know whether or not you'd make good partners for each other. Don't mention it again. Wait for the honeymoon phase to pass and then see where things stand. Enjoy what you have and give it time to grow. 1
HappyLove Posted February 19, 2014 Posted February 19, 2014 Sounds like those guys you meet online who say anything to get in your pants then disappear. Maybe he's a good one OP but words mean nothing compared to ACTIONS.
LEEVIT2F8 Posted February 19, 2014 Posted February 19, 2014 He 100% said it to gauge your reaction. Without a doubt. No guy ever says something like that unless hes fishing. After 3 months I'm assuming he knows your pants very well. So I don't think hes buttering you up with thoughts of marriage for sex. Past relationships of 10 and 7 years are very substantial. And your ages tell me that it is most likely the right time in your lives to think about settling down. My advice is next time a conversation heads that way be more open about your feelings with him. I think he was asking, "Do you think someday you would marry me?". Your response quite frankly could easily be interpreted as, "I'll say yes if you ask". Is that what you meant to say?
Author Kingston100 Posted February 19, 2014 Author Posted February 19, 2014 Sounds like those guys you meet online who say anything to get in your pants then disappear. Maybe he's a good one OP but words mean nothing compared to ACTIONS. Did not meet him online, met doing volunteer good. He definitely is a good one. I agree though, actions always speak louder.
Author Kingston100 Posted February 19, 2014 Author Posted February 19, 2014 He 100% said it to gauge your reaction. Without a doubt. No guy ever says something like that unless hes fishing. After 3 months I'm assuming he knows your pants very well. So I don't think hes buttering you up with thoughts of marriage for sex. Past relationships of 10 and 7 years are very substantial. And your ages tell me that it is most likely the right time in your lives to think about settling down. My advice is next time a conversation heads that way be more open about your feelings with him. I think he was asking, "Do you think someday you would marry me?". Your response quite frankly could easily be interpreted as, "I'll say yes if you ask". Is that what you meant to say? I think what I meant to say (if I had no fear of being that candid) was "I definitely see a future with you and can imagine us together for the long haul. But keep in mind, we both have to agree to a marraige and it isn't just a matter of waiting until you ask me".
HappyLove Posted February 19, 2014 Posted February 19, 2014 Did not meet him online, met doing volunteer good. He definitely is a good one. I agree though, actions always speak louder. WHEW, glad to hear not an online guy, too many sad stories after guy promised the world. I hope things continue to go great for you two! Good Luck!
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