collegeguy_24 Posted February 19, 2014 Posted February 19, 2014 Hi all, I'm here again. I want to start out by saying for two days, me and my ex have been texting back and forth, arguing with each other, just plain arguing over her actions and her lack of understanding. Let me give you some backround information. We started Dating at the end of August last year. It was an LDR relationship, and very intense. Because we didn't see each other in the flesh, using apple facetime, we had to talk and fall for each others personality, intellec, shared interests, and so on. The stuff thats important in relationships. Well during the time we were together, we both got heavily involved. She was the first one to say I love you, she was the one who bought the plane ticket to visit over new years, she was the one who told me I am perfect and she wants to marry me and have kids someday, she helped me look for a job and a place to live down where she was at. All pretty intense right? but it felt right. Well the main reason I am here is based on sex. You see she was a virgin, kinda. She didn't have the hymen because last April she got drunk with some friends, and a friend of her friend raped her. But she never had consensual sex before. Her sister, who is a big friend of mine, told her I had FWBs in my past, and she didn't like it. She told me repeatedly over the course of our relationship that she believes FWBs are wrong, and that sex should be for serious relationships in her opinion. She said she wasn't judging, but that it is her opinion, and that in her eyes I am still the man she wants because I care more for her mind then her body, which is unbelievably hot by the way. And its true, I do care for her mind more, because I was looking for a future. Well she told me she wants her first time to be special, she wanted it to be with a guy she loves and she asked me plan a special evening. I figured sure, why not, you don't lose your virginity every day, and if it makes her happy I'd do it. Well, what happened next is surprising. December 15, 14 days before she was due to fly up here, she broke up with me. She was accepted into her local collage of Humboldt State University. She told me has so much work to do, she is taking a full load of classes, having an hour commute each way, working 30 hours a week, she just wasn't going to have time for a relationship. SHe told me that she thought up all kinds of ways we could try to make it work, and none of them did in her head, so she was cutting it off. That was it. She still came up here though to Montana. She said that when she was up here with her sister she would see me and maybe see if we can salvage something. She never saw me, not once. SHe just stayed holed up in her sisters place. What we were arguing about started Monday. I thought I had moved on and so we tried a friendship. SHe asked me if I had any FWBs, and I said no. She told me she is one. That made me angry. Why? Because during our entire time together she put me down for having had them, that she wanted her first time to be special, and then she does a complete reversal. I felt cheated to, because I put so much work into our relationship, I made sacrifices for her and opened up to her more then I have for anyone else. Yet some other guy comes along and gets the fruites of my rewards? What do I get nothing! She gets all mad and says she is allowed to move on, I get mad and tell her she is but she is being a hypocrite! She just didn't seem to understand it. I should also add I was drunk during all this. I felt like she made all these promises about wanting to be special, ad then when we broke up she just moved onto a new guy and goes against her own words. We argued for 24 hours straight. Eventually thugh, we got to the root of the issue. That was the fact she never really told me why she broke up with me, she never gave me a real reason. She told me she is sorry or making all those promises, but that she wasn't ready for commitment. She didn't want me to be waiting for her while she did school and tried to find a career as it wouldn't be fair. I told her I fell for her mind before her body, I did all the work. I got her out of her shy shell, and then this guy gets all the reward. Part of it is about sex, its about the fact she made a big deal about her first time and FWBs being wrong and yet she is a FWB now and her first time didn't actually mean ****. She told me he doesn't have her heart, just a little bit of time and thats it. She just needed something. I told her she should have been honest. She left me in the dark wondering if I did something wrong while she went off to enjoy life. I told her I fell for her mind and what really matters, and all he wants is her body. She said I was calling her a slut. I told her I never used that word, you did. Your calling yourself a slut. She said she still loves me, just not in the way she wanted before. She is not ready to settle down and she is sorry for all the damage she done. She said he moved on so easily because she has been so busy it was easy to forget, where as I didn't have that luxury. I could tell that by the end, she was feeling like complete ****. She broke her promises, she led me on, and she is a hypocrite. I don't know. I thought I moved on completely, I really did. But now? Thing is I always knew since the breakup we would see and sleep with other people, I told her that. I told her what upset me was that she didn't seem to regret leaving me like she did, that she made all these promises and arguments and she does a complete reversal. I told her I worked hard for this relationship, and that some other dude comes along and gets all the reward. Thats exactly what it is. I did the work, he gets her. Plain as day. He gets her body, he gets her attention. Me? I never once got to kiss her, hold her, hug her or even cuddle. He gets all that in far less time then I did, and I feel cheated. She says I need to move on, and that she moved on far faster then is normal. She feels dead inside right now because this affected me far worse then her, and that she screwed up and that I still have a place in her heart she just isn't ready for the commitment she promised. I told her I understand that, but I still feel cheated. She got closure and ran off to have fun with some random dude while I was left in the dark without a flashlight. I realized I still love her, and she says she knows and she will do what ever is needed to help me move on. I was the best time of her life, and right now she needs to focus on her career. the guy is just physical. Does any of this make sense to people? In a way I am jealous about the sex, I mean I did all the work and got no reward the other guy does. But at the same time its not, its about the fact I never got closure when she left me the first time. I never understood why. THis post is mostly a rant I guess, but if people want to comment go ahead. I miss her so much. I really do and she knows it and says she misses me to. She says if we are meant to be we will be, if not then we won't. It depends on Gods will I guess. This has affect me far worse then she knows to, she thought our arguing was bad. I can't eat, I can't sleep, my sex drive, which used to be over active, is dead. I can't get a boner anymore. I feel dead. Really I did get some closure as I understand now why she left, and I signed up Alcoholics Anonymous because since December 15, I've been drinking to black out every single day. But I don't know. She says she is worried about me, that she screwed up in how she handled it and she should have done better, and that she feels dead because she moved on so fast when after such an intense relationship and she shouldn't have been able to. She doesn't want me to kill myself and she worried about that. I don't know anymore. I don't plan to, but I still miss her.
d0nnivain Posted February 19, 2014 Posted February 19, 2014 Don't kill yourself. The end of any romantic relationship, while painful, is not worth that. You have now been wallowing & grieving & drinking for over two months. It's time to snap out of that. Put the bottle down already. If you can't go cold turkey at least slow down until you can. Drinking to the point of blacking out every night is very harmful. You did get cheated in a sense & it does suck but life is not fair. She may simply be all excited about her new college experience & she may have wanted to go out & explore. Yes, that isn't fair to you but again, it's her choice. the lack of physical touches are some of the hardest parts of an LDR . . .& you got that in spades. Now that she has made her decision, all you can do is pick up the pieces & move on. Yes, you can even if you don't think you want to. Talk to your parents. See a counselor. talk to friends (but not her sister). You will get through this.
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