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Should I stop seeing my ex???


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Posted

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My ex & I have been together off & on for 6 years (we've broken up twice before). After our last (3rd) breakup he still comes over at least once a week& we are still intimate& sometimes go on vacation togehter even though he said it's over for good this time and it's been almost 5 months. He says he doesn't want me to see other people and says he isn't either. I am afraid to ask him if he's changed his mind about getting back together, but do not want to be used for sex if that is what is ocurring here. He says he's still in love with me but that we can't be together because I've hurt him so badly in the past. I don't think it is possible to be in love with someone and not want to be together with them? Also, how do you know when it is time to stop all this and really move on?

Posted

So he doesn't want the "relationship" title, yet he doesn't want you seeing other people (and claims he won't either) and still sleeps with you? HMM pretty odd to me! :confused:

 

I think it's "possible" he might hang on to you until he meets someone else, then let you go with the excuse of "i told you it was over for good" :confused:

 

 

My advice, see him as friend, no more sex, start dating again, and cut your losses!

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Posted

Thanks, I think you may be right-I just wonder what makes this time different? We've gotten back together before after almost the same exact thing

Posted

i agree with barby. I would say no more sex or anything around the lovey dovey stuff cause it seems at this moment to have more of an effect on you. Seem a little distant towards him. Date others too. Maybe its a simple case of he doesnt knonw what he has till hes lost it. And he probably thinks ur gonna be there for whenever he wants to make up his mind to be with you.

 

So go be ur own person for awhile.....see what he does

Posted

I think he is being selfish. He just wants to be abke to go and have his "FUN" without having a gf to answer questions to and also have you around in case his plan does not work out.

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Posted

whenever I try to cut him off by not answering his calls & whatnot, he shows up at my house crying and saying he loves me...what gives?

Posted

Who knows? So sit him down and express to him how you feel, tell him you're not doing the relationship like this anymore, ect. See how he acts then go from there. :)

Posted

I think he wants to have his fun but make sure that you will always be there just in case. He wants something that he knows is for sure just in case he does not find anyone else out there. I don't think that it's fair on you though.

Posted

wow how insane it seems so similar to my situation. My ex comes over once or twice a week, we have fun and are intimate. He says we were perfect but he saw us falling apart as us "not being meant for eachother". He isnt looking for anyone else and doesnt want me to either. But I am at a breaking point.

 

One day I just woke up and realized I deserve more than what he is giving me. I am in the midst of not reinforcing bad behavior. He gets what he wants from me no matter what he has done. You or I dont deserve that.

 

You seem like me, you think if you make him happy he will forget the bad stuff and just want you back. Dont make waves, dont make him think you are like that person he wanted to break up with. I am doing the same thing.

 

I read somewhere that you teach people how to treat you. Right now we are both showing our guys that they can do whatever they want and in the end we will be here. No matter what. That may work in old movies and country songs but not in life.

 

These guys, after being with us so long, already know deep down inside how giving we are. How nurturing and how unconditional our love for them is. They know. And they have learned that they dont have to appreciate it.

 

I truly believe in both of our cases that the guys want us around. But I dont think they are ready to commit to anything. Or maybe even admit it to us or themselves. I am taking my leave and just distancing myself.

 

It was fun while it lasted but I deserve more. I deserve someone I can lay next to in bed and not be worried about saying "I love you". I deserve to be with someone and not have to worry if I can hug him or if I am touching too much .... can I kiss him? When he leaves do we hug?

 

I think you feel it when its time to move on. You'll just feel it.

Posted
These guys, after being with us so long, already know deep down inside how giving we are. How nurturing and how unconditional our love for them is. They know. And they have learned that they dont have to appreciate it.

 

 

nuturing... YES... BUT... your love is never unconditional and because a guy doesn't appreciate that idea proves that it is conditional

 

this is what i have learnt... love is always conditional

 

It was fun while it lasted but I deserve more. I deserve someone I can lay next to in bed and not be worried about saying "I love you". I deserve to be with someone and not have to worry if I can hug him or if I am touching too much .... can I kiss him? When he leaves do we hug?

 

these are further conditions of 'love'

 

but anyhow i agree that you should stay away from him and you cannot conduct a relationship with him acting like he has

 

good luck!

 

:)

Posted

it doesnt change how much I love him.. or that no matter what i wil be there. The thing that it changes is what I deserve. I can love him forver but that doesnt change how he is treating me.

 

If we are never together again I wil always wish him well.. and if I come upon him one day and he needs something he can have it no question. I will always love this guy no matter what.

 

The only thing is I love me too. And sometimes those two push you to make decisions that are hard. Thats why I stayed so long. Because I didnt want to make that decision.

 

Putting conditions on love and putting conditions on a relationship are two very different things. I never once said that I stopped loving him, or even that I can. But there comes a time when I need to realize I am not his gf.. he doesnt want me to be.. therefore his happiness is no longer part of my job description. He doesnt want me that way. But my happiness is so important. My sanity, my self respect.

 

But please understand.. these are conditions of this relationship.. NOT my love.

Posted
But please understand.. these are conditions of this relationship.. NOT my love.

 

sorry but i don't understand...

 

to be in a relationship means to me being in 'love' with that person

 

how can you have a relationship without being in love with each other?

 

you might love him as a person but not enough to fulfil a relationship hence not the 'love' that i am talking about

 

it doesnt change how much I love him..

 

off course it does... it always does... even an eejit like me knows better

 

The only thing is I love me too

 

i'm glad you do... and total proof of what i think i am talking about here

 

;)

Posted

you cant have a relationship without love... BUT you can have the love without the relationship. I cant control how he feels or what he wants.

 

I guess it just seems to me that you are assuming if it mattered to us we would stay. If it was really love we could hack it. But how much is he allowed to do?

 

I think they need to realize if we are what they want. BUT he cant control how I feel and I cant control how he feels.

 

Believe what you want, I love him. I think she loves her guy too. Life isnt as simple as "I love so I stay" . People are more complex than that. He has issues I cant fix, I have tried , I have offered help and therapy but he isnt ready for that.

 

Both these guys have some growing up to do. And here its like a mom thing.. no matter what he does I accept him... I know he is struggling and he has to figure it out on his own. To make him feel like a man kind of.. sort of a comming of age thing... grr i made it on my own grrr. i am man i can fix my life... grr now time to find woman.

 

it is not my lack of love can is not able to fulfill what a relationship entails. in my case or hers. Its a lack of HIS commitment...

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Posted

OK, we have plans to go snowboarding tommorrow through Sunday& he has already bought me a brand new board,boots & bindings. Is it okay to back out now or should I still go and cut the contact on Monday?

Posted

Oh boy, you are in for a big heartbreak!!! Good luck to you.

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