quicksile Posted February 19, 2014 Posted February 19, 2014 I have been in a relationship with a wonderful girl for the past year and a half. We see each other every day as we are both college students living on the same campus. My question is that I'm not sure if I actually love this girl and I'm not sure whether or not this confusion is due to actually not knowing, or fear. Essentially, as we have gotten to know each other more, I have come to realize that despite what I had hoped, no, we are not "made for each other" or "perfect for one another", and I accept that and like her despite any differences we may have. However, recently, I haven't been feeling the same fiery intensity of feelings towards her that I used to, and while I realize that it happens as relationships mature, I'm not sure what I should be feeling instead. I assume it should be an overarching fondness, where I still want to see the person, and being with them makes me happy. While I do feel this often, there are times, when I don't feel anything. Where I don't feel fond of her, or that she makes me happy. Other times still, I have this strong feeling that things won't work out or that we weren't meant to be. These feelings terrify me, as they make me doubt whether or not we really are "meant to be" for lack of a better phrase. I also have anxious-attachment type, and thoughts like these only make me more anxious, as they have me thinking "What if she's feeling the exact same sort of doubt, that we're not meant to be." Essentially, I worry. Do I actually love this girl. It makes me anxious whether or not we are actually compatible. Does she feel these same things and if she does, does that mean we could be happier with someone else.
d0nnivain Posted February 19, 2014 Posted February 19, 2014 Love doesn't look or feel like what you see in the movies. It's not hearts & flowers all the time. It's more solid & more mundane then that. Do you care about the person? Do you feel complete around the person? Do you want to do everything & nothing with them? Do you still like them even at your worst & theirs? Doubt doesn't mean you don't care or it's not "meant to be." It may simply be an indicator that you are more cerebral then emotional. Think forward 5, 10, 20 years . . . do you still want that person to be the one next to you? Do you want to wake up with them every day? Do you want to be holding hands with them when one of you is dying? If yes, you are in love. 1
Gaeta Posted February 19, 2014 Posted February 19, 2014 If you have to ask yourself if you love her, then no you don't. You may feel affection and respect but you are not 'in love'. 1
pteromom Posted February 19, 2014 Posted February 19, 2014 Love doesn't look or feel like what you see in the movies. It's not hearts & flowers all the time. It's more solid & more mundane then that. Do you care about the person? Do you feel complete around the person? Do you want to do everything & nothing with them? Do you still like them even at your worst & theirs? Doubt doesn't mean you don't care or it's not "meant to be." It may simply be an indicator that you are more cerebral then emotional. Think forward 5, 10, 20 years . . . do you still want that person to be the one next to you? Do you want to wake up with them every day? Do you want to be holding hands with them when one of you is dying? If yes, you are in love. This, except you don't necessarily like them or love them even at their worst and yours. Real relationships have ups and downs, and there are times you don't even want to be in the room with the other person or want to hear their voice. When you get good news or bad news, is she the first person you want to call? Do you accept her completely, flaws and all? Do you feel like she accepts you completely, flaws and all? Do your incompatibilities help you grow, or just stand in the way of who you want to be? Imagine that you break up, and she finds another guy right away and ends up in a whirlwind engagement. How do you feel about that? Are you happy that she's happy, or are you full of regret that you let her go? Are you both capable of communicating, working through issues, and making compromises? This is critical for growth in a relationship. And when the fiery passionate love fades, what you should be feeling is comfort and contentment knowing that this other person has chosen to walk through life with you. Laughing together, being there for each other, and knowing how to make each other happy.
shinealight Posted February 19, 2014 Posted February 19, 2014 Aye Gaeta is right you woudn't be on a help website asking am i in love with this girl? You would be going i love this girl so much she means the world to me ect ect. Which proves the love has gone and you are just looking for an answer hoping it will be a yes. It's time to move on and find someone who you will love
Thegreatestthing Posted February 20, 2014 Posted February 20, 2014 Settle for nothing. I have been in a relationship with a wonderful girl for the past year and a half. We see each other every day as we are both college students living on the same campus. My question is that I'm not sure if I actually love this girl and I'm not sure whether or not this confusion is due to actually not knowing, or fear. Essentially, as we have gotten to know each other more, I have come to realize that despite what I had hoped, no, we are not "made for each other" or "perfect for one another", and I accept that and like her despite any differences we may have. However, recently, I haven't been feeling the same fiery intensity of feelings towards her that I used to, and while I realize that it happens as relationships mature, I'm not sure what I should be feeling instead. I assume it should be an overarching fondness, where I still want to see the person, and being with them makes me happy. While I do feel this often, there are times, when I don't feel anything. Where I don't feel fond of her, or that she makes me happy. Other times still, I have this strong feeling that things won't work out or that we weren't meant to be. These feelings terrify me, as they make me doubt whether or not we really are "meant to be" for lack of a better phrase. I also have anxious-attachment type, and thoughts like these only make me more anxious, as they have me thinking "What if she's feeling the exact same sort of doubt, that we're not meant to be." Essentially, I worry. Do I actually love this girl. It makes me anxious whether or not we are actually compatible. Does she feel these same things and if she does, does that mean we could be happier with someone else.
Tayken Posted February 20, 2014 Posted February 20, 2014 If we try to define LOVE, we can be here all day disagreeing with each other. What you don't want to do, is get infatuation mixed up with love.....
bluesgirl Posted February 20, 2014 Posted February 20, 2014 If I can give you any advice it would be to not settle. She may be a great girl and a great girlfriend, but if you aren't sure whether you actually love her maybe you should move on. You are still in college and are young and free to find the person who you couldn't stand not seeing! Life's too short to not be sure about something that is so important
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