peruano99 Posted February 19, 2014 Posted February 19, 2014 Do you ever think the consequences before you have an affair/one night stand, or whatever with another person that is not your spouse? Do you think that person will never find out? I'm really interested in finding out...
Arieswoman Posted February 19, 2014 Posted February 19, 2014 My WS told me that " he knew it was wrong but he never thought I would find out". However, he had told me so many lies during the time his affair was hidden that I didn't really put much store on anything he said. IMO you can't believe anything a WS says unless you give them a lie detector ! They are deceiving themselves and everyone around them, so I wouldn't pay too much attention as to what is going on in their minds, which are probably full of fog anyway. 3
Waverly Posted February 19, 2014 Posted February 19, 2014 I had an affair with the one person I would have left my marriage for. From day one, it was never intended to be an affair -- the intent was always that we would both leave our marriages and be together. So, it's not that I didn't think of the consequences, it's that I didn't think it was going to be something I would have to deal with the fallout of, because the fallout was supposed to be divorce anyway. (Spoiler: things didn't work out as I planned.) I'm not defending this, by the way.
txgrl Posted February 19, 2014 Posted February 19, 2014 In the beginning, I didn't because I was going for D but when that didnt happen , and the EA did go on, I used to think of consequences a lot. Still do... I was sure H will find out because I'm not too good an actress and guilt makes you do things out of character , anyway.
Betrayed&Stayed Posted February 19, 2014 Posted February 19, 2014 Do you ever think the consequences before you have an affair/one night stand, or whatever with another person that is not your spouse? Do you think that person will never find out? I'm really interested in finding out... I tried for a long time to know what was going through my wife's mind as she "crossed the line". I eventually gave up. To quote O' Brother: "Pete, it's a fool that looks for logic in the chambers of the human heart." I'll hang up and listen..... 1
carhill Posted February 19, 2014 Posted February 19, 2014 Do you ever think the consequences before you have an affair/one night stand, or whatever with another person that is not your spouse? Yes, for the better part of two years Do you think that person will never find out? She was disclosed, both as to my perspective and who the other person was. They met and interacted independently. There was no ambiguity regarding my dissatisfaction with our marital situation. IME, this is relatively atypical, so take it FWIW.
RedRobin Posted February 20, 2014 Posted February 20, 2014 In the case of my ex-H, no, I don't think he thought of the consequences at all. He was impulsive and had a history of casual sex before we met. We were going through a hard time, and he just did what he always did before... the easy path *shrug* 1
Got it Posted February 20, 2014 Posted February 20, 2014 Do you ever think the consequences before you have an affair/one night stand, or whatever with another person that is not your spouse? Do you think that person will never find out? I'm really interested in finding out... Yes. I knew that when/if I could cross that line that I was done with the marriage. That it is the ultimate disrespect for my spouse and that I needed to end things. So I cheated and left a few weeks later.
tired girl Posted February 20, 2014 Posted February 20, 2014 Yes. He was told before, and he was told 6 hours after. It was designed to end our marriage as I was fairly sure he was done with it. We were separated. I was very shocked to find out that he wasn't done. He just wasn't sharing any of that.
janedoe67 Posted February 20, 2014 Posted February 20, 2014 By the time I decided to cheat I was so detached from my husband I didn't really think of him at all. All I was thinking was "I need X." I was completely self-absorbed. I do not think it is the norm for a cheater to write out the pros and cons and potential consequences on a spreadsheet before they cheat. It is emotional, impulsive, and self-centered, and thoughts of others are usually not on the radar. That said, there will probably be as many variations of responses to this question as there are cheaters. Trying to make cheating logical would be comical if it weren't so sad. It is a completely illogical act.
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