AuG913 Posted February 19, 2014 Posted February 19, 2014 Hey I am new here... My ex and I broke up last year. He was cheating on me a lot and we finally decided to end it coz he isn't ready to commit. My ex still tells me he wants to get back with me at some point but I don't want to. He lives in the same apartment building, so we haven't been able to break contact. Now I am interested in another guy but we are not officially in a relationship. He treats me well. I spend time with him at his house sometimes. Sometimes I spend the night there. We haven't had sexually intercourse yet except for some oral sex. He says I can take my time to have sex with him and we will make it official when I have moved on from the hurt and insecurities that resulted from my past relationship. Today I ended up having sex with my ex. I regret it so much. I feel like I cheated on this new guy. Now the thing is I have no plans of going back to my ex. Just taking my time to get over my first love, so I can give my all to this new guy. I feel terrible. What do I do to stop feeling this way?
d0nnivain Posted February 19, 2014 Posted February 19, 2014 You avoid the EX . . . adjust your schedule if you can to make sure you don't bump into him. You focus on the new guy . . . or the possibility of other new guys. You don't tell the new guy & you never do it again. 2
almond Posted February 19, 2014 Posted February 19, 2014 Immediately cut all contact with your ex - it's a cop out to say that you could not stop contact, you could at any moment. Do not speak to him. Advise him of this. Tell him you have met someone, that you do not wish to get back with him, and that speaking to him at all is not good for you. If you see him, ignore him. You are an adult, and your life is your own. Move if you have to...take responsibility for you own life, and your own actions. You're not ready to be with this new guy. You betrayed him. Let him go, and work hard on yourself and getting over your ex. Work on the issues that allowed you to stay with him while he cheated. Work on whatever allowed you to jump into bed with someone that treated you so badly, even though you have someone that you care for that is treating you well. Sort all of this out before you do anything. If you don't, you will struggle to be happy, or form healthy relationships in the future. Individual counseling may help you quite a lot. 4
Guy On The Couch Posted February 19, 2014 Posted February 19, 2014 It just sounds like you was wandering back into familiar territory, hence why you slept with your EX. It also sounds as if maybe you're not fully over all the hurt and insecurities from your prior relationship. Maybe you should just cut contact with both men for the time being and get back to simply figuring out you.
LEEVIT2F8 Posted February 19, 2014 Posted February 19, 2014 You were horny and missed your ex's pogo stick. No big deal accept yourself for the dirty girl you are and keep it moving. I'd say have sex with them both. Maybe at the same time!! Then you can figure out what you really like? Maybe gang-bangs are your thing?? Never know until you try... Doing what you did neither will want you anyway now. Seriously, its no big deal. People do this all the time. You have some unresolved issues and are looking for approval from people you see as stronger then yourself. You used sex to get this. Nothing that hasn't been done billions of times in human history. Learn to accept and love yourself even the dirty little slut part. Then you can finally move on and love and accept someone else. Because I'll let you in on a little secret. We are ALL human and ALL make mistakes. My grandfather told me once on the issue of morality... If you do something and feel bad afterward then it wasn't meant for you. If on the other hand you do something and it doesn't hurt anyone else and feel good about yourself after then that fits your moral code. You will break this code but try to learn from it and don't violate the same aspect twice and you will develop into a strong person. In short, forgive yourself you didnt hurt anyone. And if you like the new guy never tell him about it. And if you do regret it don't do it again in the future. You can't undo the past but you sure as hell can grow from it. 2
Guy On The Couch Posted February 19, 2014 Posted February 19, 2014 LEEVIT2F8, I think maybe you came off a little to harsh. No reason to go the "I'm implying you're a slut" routine.
Author AuG913 Posted February 19, 2014 Author Posted February 19, 2014 Nah, I am not a dirty little slut. I haven't slept with anyone other than my ex in my life and it was not like I was horny and missed my ex's dick. We were talking and then he ended up kissing me and one thing lead to the next. But I understand where you are coming from.
Author AuG913 Posted February 19, 2014 Author Posted February 19, 2014 You're not ready to be with this new guy. You betrayed him. Let him go, and work hard on yourself and getting over your ex. I see myself being in a relationship with the new guy which is why I feel so bad. Yes, I haven't moved on from my ex but I want to take my time and I do not want to let go of this new guy.
LEEVIT2F8 Posted February 19, 2014 Posted February 19, 2014 (edited) LEEVIT2F8, I think maybe you came off a little to harsh. No reason to go the "I'm implying you're a slut" routine. I don't know this girl. And she could go one of two ways. I'm simply giving advice I thought was sound on personal morality decisions. I didn't mean to imply she is a slut. I pretty much said she is if you read my post. And she knows it too or she wouldn't have made this post. It isn't up to me or you or anyone else to dictate the nature of her sexual encounters. But for her to figure out what works for her and accept herself. She maybe just needs permission to be the dirty girl she really wants to be. Or maybe she learned a valuable lesson on something to not repeat in the future... in a situation where no one gets hurt. Not a bad deal if you ask me. Edited February 19, 2014 by LEEVIT2F8
Guy On The Couch Posted February 19, 2014 Posted February 19, 2014 I see myself being in a relationship with the new guy which is why I feel so bad. Yes, I haven't moved on from my ex but I want to take my time and I do not want to let go of this new guy. You see yourself in a relationship with someone, yet you went back to your EX on maybe impulse? You should really just cut both ties with these men, take the time to truly figure yourself out. You are in a deep state of confusion right now and in no way ready for a solid relationship. 2
almond Posted February 19, 2014 Posted February 19, 2014 I see myself being in a relationship with the new guy which is why I feel so bad. Yes, I haven't moved on from my ex but I want to take my time and I do not want to let go of this new guy. Okay, well you still need to cut absolutely all contact with your ex. If you respect this new guy or yourself, then this is the least you can do. What you want is not always what's best for you. And a relationship at this stage is a bad idea in my opinion. If you choose to continue with this, then you need to ask yourself if you're able to forever hide the fact that you slept with your ex early on? Two years down the line are you going to be riddled with guilt, and then pour it all out, causing some pretty significant pain to your partner? Are you going to tell him, or hide it forever? Think long and hard. Please understand that you need to seriously work on yourself, make this your number one priority, and do it whether you end up with this new guy or not. 2
Guy On The Couch Posted February 19, 2014 Posted February 19, 2014 Okay, well you still need to cut absolutely all contact with your ex. If you respect this new guy or yourself, then this is the least you can do. What you want is not always what's best for you. And a relationship at this stage is a bad idea in my opinion. If you choose to continue with this, then you need to ask yourself if you're able to forever hide the fact that you slept with your ex early on? Two years down the line are you going to be riddled with guilt, and then pour it all out, causing some pretty significant pain to your partner? Are you going to tell him, or hide it forever? Think long and hard. Please understand that you need to seriously work on yourself, make this your number one priority, and do it whether you end up with this new guy or not. And this is where we see how much one has for moral fiber.
LEEVIT2F8 Posted February 19, 2014 Posted February 19, 2014 I see myself being in a relationship with the new guy which is why I feel so bad. Yes, I haven't moved on from my ex but I want to take my time and I do not want to let go of this new guy. See boom right there. She said it. I want to **** my ex and string the new guy along maybe tossing him a charity hummer from time to time to keep him around. Just because she hasn't slept around yet doesn't mean she isn't warming up to the idea. Its dirty girl in the making. I say do you girl and everyone else. Girls like you give men a lot of joy. Sure your going to end up an emotional shell. But 20 years ago I loved to feast on yummy weak minded coeds. Why would I rob the younger generation of their fun?? Hoe it up princess and enjoy the ride!
BradJacobs Posted February 19, 2014 Posted February 19, 2014 I see myself being in a relationship with the new guy which is why I feel so bad. Yes, I haven't moved on from my ex but I want to take my time and I do not want to let go of this new guy. I can see this going over well. Make one guy wait while you bang you ex. Solid plan. What happens when the new guy finds out?
Guy On The Couch Posted February 19, 2014 Posted February 19, 2014 See boom right there. She said it. I want to **** my ex and string the new guy along maybe tossing him a charity hummer from time to time to keep him around. Just because she hasn't slept around yet doesn't mean she isn't warming up to the idea. Its dirty girl in the making. I say do you girl and everyone else. Girls like you give men a lot of joy. Sure your going to end up an emotional shell. But 20 years ago I loved to feast on yummy weak minded coeds. Why would I rob the younger generation of their fun?? Hoe it up princess and enjoy the ride! I give up you're just too damn funny!
Author AuG913 Posted February 19, 2014 Author Posted February 19, 2014 See boom right there. She said it. I want to **** my ex and string the new guy along maybe tossing him a charity hummer from time to time to keep him around. Just because she hasn't slept around yet doesn't mean she isn't warming up to the idea. Its dirty girl in the making. I say do you girl and everyone else. Girls like you give men a lot of joy. Sure your going to end up an emotional shell. But 20 years ago I loved to feast on yummy weak minded coeds. Why would I rob the younger generation of their fun?? Hoe it up princess and enjoy the ride! Excuse me!!!! I don't see any part where I said I want to continue sleeping with my ex. And no I am not warming up to the idea or trying to get used to the idea of sleeping around and neither do I have any plans to do that. Sorry but you were so quick to say girls like me give men a lot of joy. I feel sorry for those girls who slept with someone like you as you basically have no respect for any vulnerable person who is getting over a bad relationship. It is saying if you don't have anything good to say,don't say anything at all. I asked for advice on a problem I have, not for you to tell me I am a slut in making. Yes it is mistake I made and from what people tell me, I realize I need to work on myself. Either you are just trolling on my post or you have some issues you need to work on first before you give advice.
Author AuG913 Posted February 19, 2014 Author Posted February 19, 2014 I can see this going over well. Make one guy wait while you bang you ex. Solid plan. What happens when the new guy finds out? No I am not planning to have sex with my ex ever again. Told him I am over and done and want to have nothing to do with him after it happened. I don't know if I should tell the new guy about this. We are not in an official relationship and are free to see anyone we want. Not that either of us want to but we can if we choose to.
MrMeh Posted February 19, 2014 Posted February 19, 2014 Not officially in a relationship but yet he was waiting till your were ready. You can play with semantics all you want but the fact that you completely had sex with a guy who cheated on you over the "other" guy goes to show you that you aren't ready. Though I know many on this site would never advise you to tell the other guy of your "mistake", I think he would appreciate your honesty. 2
LEEVIT2F8 Posted February 19, 2014 Posted February 19, 2014 Excuse me!!!! I don't see any part where I said I want to continue sleeping with my ex. And no I am not warming up to the idea or trying to get used to the idea of sleeping around and neither do I have any plans to do that. Sorry but you were so quick to say girls like me give men a lot of joy. I feel sorry for those girls who slept with someone like you as you basically have no respect for any vulnerable person who is getting over a bad relationship. It is saying if you don't have anything good to say,don't say anything at all. I asked for advice on a problem I have, not for you to tell me I am a slut in making. Yes it is mistake I made and from what people tell me, I realize I need to work on myself. Either you are just trolling on my post or you have some issues you need to work on first before you give advice. You said you weren't cutting contact with your ex and wanted to take your time right? Maybe I got that wrong? Is it me or did your last "talk" with your ex result in you being stuffed and mounted? But you want a relationship with the new guy? But your still "talking" to your ex and clearly don't have plans to stop because you live in the same building... I guess I must have misread what you wrote. I apologize... You even gave yourself the "I'm vulnerable" excuse too. Okay then your issues are clearly a result of my lack of sympathy. Way to deflect... If I don't have anything nice to say keep it to myself? What you really mean is if I don't tell you what you want to hear the way you want it I'm full of BS. Again another deflection. The truth is I'm on your side. You have hoe like tendencies and clearly have an inner conflict with that side of yourself. Remember this is all your words and behavior I'm speaking about and has nothing to do with me. So either put on your big girl panties and stop "talking" to you ex and give the new guy some booty or don't. Just be good with whatever way you choose with yourself. At the end of the day thats all that is going to count anyway. 4
BradJacobs Posted February 19, 2014 Posted February 19, 2014 No I am not planning to have sex with my ex ever again. Told him I am over and done and want to have nothing to do with him after it happened. I don't know if I should tell the new guy about this. We are not in an official relationship and are free to see anyone we want. Not that either of us want to but we can if we choose to. Do you plan on sexual contact before getting the results of your std and sti tests back? Or are you just going to risk exposure?
Author AuG913 Posted February 19, 2014 Author Posted February 19, 2014 You said you weren't cutting contact with your ex and wanted to take your time right? Maybe I got that wrong? Is it me or did your last "talk" with your ex result in you being stuffed and mounted? But you want a relationship with the new guy? But your still "talking" to your ex and clearly don't have plans to stop because you live in the same building... I guess I must have misread what you wrote. I apologize... You even gave yourself the "I'm vulnerable" excuse too. Okay then your issues are clearly a result of my lack of sympathy. Way to deflect... If I don't have anything nice to say keep it to myself? What you really mean is if I don't tell you what you want to hear the way you want it I'm full of BS. Again another deflection. The truth is I'm on your side. You have hoe like tendencies and clearly have an inner conflict with that side of yourself. Remember this is all your words and behavior I'm speaking about and has nothing to do with me. So either put on your big girl panties and stop "talking" to you ex and give the new guy some booty or don't. Just be good with whatever way you choose with yourself. At the end of the day thats all that is going to count anyway. Hmmm....alright love...I agree with you, I have hoe like tendencies...And it is probably true few years from now, I will have several partners and have severe self esteem issues and I'll come and sleep with you too...Anyways thanks for you advice. Maybe...just maybe if you have time, please open a dictionary and check for the meaning of a hoe.
Guy On The Couch Posted February 19, 2014 Posted February 19, 2014 No I am not planning to have sex with my ex ever again. Told him I am over and done and want to have nothing to do with him after it happened. I don't know if I should tell the new guy about this. We are not in an official relationship and are free to see anyone we want. Not that either of us want to but we can if we choose to. Well that's good you're not going to have sex with your EX again. You are still playing the justification card. And its overplayed. I don't know how to put it to you to where you would understand but here goes. 1. Cut all ties with both men and take time to yourself. <-- I felt like I have said this before. 2. Keep your little secret about the EX, and go bonkers and **** them both. 3. Go to therapy
Author AuG913 Posted February 19, 2014 Author Posted February 19, 2014 Do you plan on sexual contact before getting the results of your std and sti tests back? Or are you just going to risk exposure? I am gonna to call the sti clinic for an appointment tomorrow. I don't plan on sleeping with anyone.
Guy On The Couch Posted February 19, 2014 Posted February 19, 2014 I am gonna to call the sti clinic for an appointment tomorrow. I don't plan on sleeping with anyone. Just remember temptation is a dark truffle.
LEEVIT2F8 Posted February 19, 2014 Posted February 19, 2014 Hmmm....alright love...I agree with you, I have hoe like tendencies...And it is probably true few years from now, I will have several partners and have severe self esteem issues and I'll come and sleep with you too...Anyways thanks for you advice. Maybe...just maybe if you have time, please open a dictionary and check for the meaning of a hoe. Thank you too sweetie. I hope that doesn't happen to you. You seem like a nice girl just immature and a little spoiled. Stop looking to get validation for your hoe like behavior and accept yourself and you will be just fine. And you couldn't handle me I would mentally destroy you inside of a week. FYI I'm glad you took my advice to heart however. To reciprocate I also took yours. Source: Urbandictionary dot com Hoe 1. A skank 2. A woman that is loose in the booty. 3. Woman or man that will f*ck anything with two legs. 4. A promiscuous person. 3
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