janedoe67 Posted February 23, 2014 Posted February 23, 2014 (edited) I do understand the reactions - because in plain reading this seems so diabolical. But this is how we all think and act - just i have the balls to say it the way it is. All relationships are about ego more than anything else. Who wants to be the guy whose girl dumped him leaving him with all kinds of self doubt and feeling of rejection. As to the relationship with my wife - I have always loved her - never made her feel unloved for or uncared for. Whenever i have given her my word to go somewhere or do something for her - i have kept my word come what may. No distraction works when it is something she needs - that has always been my priority. Life is far more complicated than most of you want to acknowledge over here. For example : as to my treatment of the OW - what makes all of you so sure she is not using me for validation and to keep her steady bf on his toes. Its a matter of time whe will move on from me - what do you expect i wait for that to happen? No, this is not how everyone acts. It takes BALLS to have character and be faithful, even when life is complicated. You are not sick of being a serial cheater. Edited February 23, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 3
HermioneG Posted February 23, 2014 Posted February 23, 2014 I do understand the reactions - because in plain reading this seems so diabolical. But this is how we all think and act - just i have the balls to say it the way it is. All relationships are about ego more than anything else. Who wants to be the guy whose girl dumped him leaving him with all kinds of self doubt and feeling of rejection. As to the relationship with my wife - I have always loved her - never made her feel unloved for or uncared for. Whenever i have given her my word to go somewhere or do something for her - i have kept my word come what may. No distraction works when it is something she needs - that has always been my priority. Life is far more complicated than most of you want to acknowledge over here. For example : as to my treatment of the OW - what makes all of you so sure she is not using me for validation and to keep her steady bf on his toes. Its a matter of time whe will move on from me - what do you expect i wait for that to happen? It is not complicated to not harm others. Seriously. Most people learn that rule in kindergarten. 2
Zenstudent Posted February 23, 2014 Posted February 23, 2014 Does your wife agree that cheating is an action of love? 2
Mickey_Fitzpatrick Posted February 23, 2014 Posted February 23, 2014 (edited) Whenever i have given her my word to go somewhere or do something for her - i have kept my word come what may. Did you ever give her your word not to cheat on her? As to the relationship with my wife - I have always loved her - never made her feel unloved for or uncared for. Actually, you have. She just hasn't found out about it yet. Edited February 23, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Merge 3
William Posted February 23, 2014 Posted February 23, 2014 A routine search for the word 'troll' brought this thread to moderation's attention and we have verified the international location of the member and that their account is valid for use, so please stow the 'troll' diatribe and address the topic in accordance with our guidelines, focusing on 'engage' rather than 'preach'. Thanks!
Mickey_Fitzpatrick Posted February 23, 2014 Posted February 23, 2014 Last evening i landed up going out with the OW again. We landed up having sex in the car. I wanted it - wanted to know that i could still seduce her...want my break up with her to be me having her wanting more but me deciding to end...i will end it on monday morning - have decided. Have bought my wifes favourite wine - this evening we will drink wine and watch a movie at home - perhaps lead to something? Why did you come to this forum? You seem to be reveling in this stuff. Fine with me. Want to lie to yourself? Good for you. Want help? This forum might not be enough for you. Make an appointment with a mental health professional of some sort. 1
Author razzmazz Posted February 23, 2014 Author Posted February 23, 2014 The reason I have posted on this forum is to get different real life perspectives on what i am going through. it is not to be sermonised on moralities. What matters to me more is the question is this lifestyle good for me in the long run? Am i right in thinking that i would never be completely happy having 2 women in my life at the same time? I am meeting a psychologist this week and looking forward to her feedback.
janedoe67 Posted February 24, 2014 Posted February 24, 2014 Whether you want to believe it or not, there ARE some absolutes in this world. If there aren't then why not just tell your wife? Since it isn't wrong she won't mind. 3
Hornylildevil Posted February 24, 2014 Posted February 24, 2014 Whether you want to believe it or not, there ARE some absolutes in this world. If there aren't then why not just tell your wife? Since it isn't wrong she won't mind. I think this is a result of "moral relativism". You'd better believe there are absolutes in this world. Moral relativists see the world as a spectrum with many shades of gray with very thin slices of black and white at the ends of the spectrum. I am the exact opposite. Black and white with razor-thin shades of gray in between. Justify it all you want, OP, cheaters SUCK! Why not just be swingers or at least have an open marriage? I'm sure you wouldn't mind wifey cheating on you, right? RIGHT? 1
experiencethedevine Posted February 24, 2014 Posted February 24, 2014 So where ARE all those outraged posters who flock to a WW's thread to tell her how awful she is???? I am stunned Quite. The whole tone of this thread smacks of calculated detachment. The situation the poster puts his wife in is simply vile, particularly in the full knowledge of the cost of losing their dreams of a family. This is how he repays her sorrow at being unable to offer the gift of children? Outrageous. One may find it difficult to have any sympathy for an individual who so blatantly disrespects the one woman who likely is the wife a decent man would be honourable to and appreciate, but fails to respect what she does offer. The sex issue is one that many married couples address at varying times in their marriage for a myriad of reasons, but not all of them seek gratification with a little 'sex therapy' outside of the marital bed! This self centred and deluded behaviour is revolting to say the least. Stating that he considers his concubines more deserving of his honesty than his wife beggars belief. I do hope this kind of dysfunctional thinking results in his poor wife eventually finding a man who will offer her the respect, dignity and love she really deserves having spent so long deluded that she has this in her present husband. 1
Morgoth Posted February 24, 2014 Posted February 24, 2014 Hey OP, You need to love yourself and accept who you are. Whether you stay married or not, you like variety, you like the newness and you are who you are. I can identify with it myself. It is so easy to find willing partners these days, from every age and socioeconomic level. If you like being married and love your wife, which I have no doubt you do, just be careful not to bring something home you can't get rid of. The other thing is you should try to start having sex with the wife, it may feel awkward at first, but she has needs as well as your lovers. Maybe you will re-discover the connection. Good luck.
rumbleseat Posted February 24, 2014 Posted February 24, 2014 Hey OP, You need to love yourself and accept who you are. Whether you stay married or not, you like variety, you like the newness and you are who you are. I can identify with it myself. It is so easy to find willing partners these days, from every age and socioeconomic level. If you like being married and love your wife, which I have no doubt you do, just be careful not to bring something home you can't get rid of. The other thing is you should try to start having sex with the wife, it may feel awkward at first, but she has needs as well as your lovers. Maybe you will re-discover the connection. Good luck. Seems to me like the OP could Use a healthy dose of morals right about now, and some therapy, lots and lots of therapy. 2
rumbleseat Posted February 24, 2014 Posted February 24, 2014 OP, I challenge you to read all the stories written on here by different bs's. Really take the time to fully experience their expressions of hurt and pain. Now think of doing that to your wife who you say you love. How can you do that to her? How can you even take the slightest risk that could happen? Now read the stories by hurt ow. How can you risk making another human being feel that way, if you care about her at all?
Author razzmazz Posted February 24, 2014 Author Posted February 24, 2014 The OW was upset i didnt message over the WE. I spoke to her frankly and as a test asked her - if i were to leave my wife and she her partner - could we look at a future together. She just laughed it off. I then asked her how does she think this will end - sincee it has to - she said till one of us has a change in life status - in her case -marriage or pregnancy- in my case becoming a father. something about her today and more and more self thinking on my part makes me sometimes wonder if this is just a dream world i have created for myself where i am this herculean hero and in which my real life - that with my wife and daily responsibilties doesent exist. I really want out - i really do - i know no one here believes me - but i want out with my ego preserved. I dont know if i am sick or what - but i guess this is not normal - but when my ego gets hurt it hurts a lot - i cant eat, sleep - feel this intense pain in my stomach. This last for months and if the person is in font of me to reinforce the loss - sometimes can go on forever. My wife has no romantic interest in me - whenever i get close i get the cold shoulder - i just want her to want me the way these other girls do - i want her to make me feel in love - i do want to love her. i am not a sex addict - and its not at all the lust for new sex that drives me - its just the emotional high and ego kick of being in love that pushes me into this - and once in- its the fear of losing to someother man that keeps me in it - since usually the girl is in my office - so will have to actually see her with another man - even if its an innocent coffee - my mind would go crazy with all sorts of scenarios that would drive me sleepless for days.
Owl Posted February 24, 2014 Posted February 24, 2014 The reason I have posted on this forum is to get different real life perspectives on what i am going through. it is not to be sermonised on moralities. What matters to me more is the question is this lifestyle good for me in the long run? Am i right in thinking that i would never be completely happy having 2 women in my life at the same time? I am meeting a psychologist this week and looking forward to her feedback. What do/did you intend to DO with those "different real life perspectives "??? That's the real crux. There's no value to anyone...yourself, your OW, your wife...if you don't intend to DO anything different than what you're doing already. Here's the thing...many of the folks here, like myself, have been betrayed to some degree or fashion by those they love. So perhaps, you might be able to see how diabolical (to use your own word) it seems to many of us that you schtupped OW one night, then spent the next day in your wife's arms...without the slightest care about how you are deceiving/betraying her. How massively insulting it would be for her to know what you've done, and how easily and simply you appear to have switched back and forth without effort, nor remorse. What did you expect to hear OTHER than the 'sermons on morality'? What did you think folks would say? Were you hoping for applause? An 'attaboy'? What response were you hoping to find here that you didn't get??? 1
Owl Posted February 24, 2014 Posted February 24, 2014 I really want out - i really do - i know no one here believes me - but i want out with my ego preserved. I dont know if i am sick or what - but i guess this is not normal - but when my ego gets hurt it hurts a lot - i cant eat, sleep - feel this intense pain in my stomach. This last for months and if the person is in font of me to reinforce the loss - sometimes can go on forever. My wife has no romantic interest in me - whenever i get close i get the cold shoulder - i just want her to want me the way these other girls do - i want her to make me feel in love - i do want to love her. OK...what are you actually DOING to make this happen??? Schtupping OW isn't going to achieve this stated goal. Have you started marriage counseling? Talked with your wife about what it is that she's not accomplishing in your marriage that you need? Ensured that she clearly understood how bad things are in the marriage...to the point where you're sleeping around? Given HER the choice to repair or end the marriage? That's really your only catalyst for change. Tell her what you've done...see where your marriage goes from there. THEN you can either find love somewhere else, or find it in your wife. Until then...there isn't a damned thing anyone else can do to help you.
janedoe67 Posted February 24, 2014 Posted February 24, 2014 [My wife has no romantic interest in me - whenever i get close i get the cold shoulder - i just want her to want me the way these other girls do - i want her to make me feel in love - i do want to love her./QUOTE] This is the first you have mentioned this.
KathyM Posted February 24, 2014 Posted February 24, 2014 You remind me of a man I used to counsel. He needed excessive validation from women to make up for the lack of affection/attention he got from his mother growing up. I'm not sure what your relationship was like with your mother growing up, but it seems like that is something you should explore in counseling. The man I mentioned had been married, but was always trying to get the attention of other women, and seemed to be infatuated with every attractive woman he worked with. Needless to say, his wife got fed up and left him. He lost custody of his children, and he continues to live off the attention that he can get from other women. Way too dependent on the attention from women. You seem to have similar tendencies, which you should explore in counseling. It's likely it stems from your relationship with your mother, whether you were either lacking in attention from her, or it was very difficult to get her approval, which has caused an unhealthy need for validation from a variety of women.
aliveagain Posted February 24, 2014 Posted February 24, 2014 Perhaps if you didn't focus your attention on other men's spouse's but rather on your own you might get some attention from her. She probably is much more aware of your infidelity than you think(I haven't read all your posts because your actions towards your family and the families of your affair partners make me kind of sick) Get some professional help than man up and tell your wife the truth, there is no getting around that. No marriage will last when it's foundation is built on infidelity and deception. This is how you console your wife after loosing your child? How do you think she's feeling, and all you can come up with is "is this lifestyle good for me?" Your a keeper. I think she stopped being intimate with you because she's afraid of catching something nasty. Why don't you release her so she can find someone that will appreciate her, someone that will be a real husband to her, someone that isn't wrecking other families, someone that isn't openly dating other women. She needs to have someone in her life that isn't so selfish.
rumbleseat Posted February 24, 2014 Posted February 24, 2014 OP, You say that you don't want lectures on morality, and from my experience, people usually say that for one of two reason. They are either a complete azzhat and see themselves as somehow being above such lowly concepts, or deep down they know they are doing something wrong. Inspite of your rather unsavoury comments, I suspect you fall into the latter category. Try looking at this situation from your wife's point of view. She has lost two children, one through a failed adoption and one through antenatal death. Losing a chil is one of the most horrific experiences a person can go through, and when she needs you the most, you are out sleeping around because of your " ego"? How does this sound to you? Is that really the kind of man you really are? You also say that you try to stop but can't, which is utter hogwash. If you wanted to you could. You just don't want to, unless you do it in a way that doesn't hurt you. There are lots of ws , all of whom cheat for their own reasons. The thing is that when they want to stop, hard as it may be, they manage to do it. If you really wanted to, you could too, but I really don't think that you do. What does this tell you about yourself and how you are acting right now? 1
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