Sending back a post-BU gift, should I?

[Winter blue]

So my ex has been in contact with me lately through phone call, texts, emails and sending me gifts anonymously:confused:, she has not said anything substantial in these contacts so I have no idea what she is up to and have kept silent since last Dec when she asked for coffee and I said no to it.

 

Now recently I have been thinking about re-directing a gift magazine subscription she bought in Dec and the first issue got delivered to me few weeks ago, to her own address. The reason simply being I do not want to be reminded about her every month for the next six months. At first I thought maybe she is regreting and trying to reconcile, but she still hasn’t said anything substantial since I received the first issue in begining of Feb and I doubt she never will. I am getting sick of her mind games but just wondering if I re-directing the magazines to her will I be seen as immature or rude?

 

I feel like her sending me these gifts (also she sent flowers last month) after six-month NC is just trying to ease her own guilt, and by me accepting them without saying anything, did I satisfy her ego and make her to think things between us is civil now, when in fact it’s not?! I was told by a mutual friend that the other guy (in her case, her ex) is still in her life, they saw a pic of him in her family New Year dinner on fb. I don’t understand why she would contact me when she is still with him. It makes me sad to think it’s acharacter flaw as my friend put it.

 

I know I could just throw them in the trash but still I will be reminded when each issue coming in the mail, so I want to hear what is the best way to deal with this if it were you? I don’t want to give her the satisfaction thinking since I 'accepted' the gifts we can be friends again. hell no!

Edited February 18, 2014 by Winter blue

[lvroflife]

It is perfectly ok to send the gifts back. Her texting and reaching out is not fair and seems like an ego boost for her or her checking to see where she stands with you. A rule of thumb is after NC when the "dumper"finally reaches out only respond to them if the message is "I miss you, I'm sorry. I made a mistake and would like to work things out". Other than that any other messages are pointless unless you do want to be friends with her.

[Winter blue]

It is perfectly ok to send the gifts back. Her texting and reaching out is not fair and seems like an ego boost for her or her checking to see where she stands with you. A rule of thumb is after NC when the "dumper"finally reaches out only respond to them if the message is "I miss you, I'm sorry. I made a mistake and would like to work things out". Other than that any other messages are pointless unless you do want to be friends with her.

 

Yes, I can see she is likely to just wanting an ego boost from me. What I don't understand is why would she want to spend all that money on me to just see where she stands? For that many months passed by, I honestly didn't expect her to contact me again.

 

So you don't think it'd be seen as rude if I re-direct the magazine to send to her?

[bubbaganoosh]

Best thing I could tell you is if you want to forget her and move on, then tell her not to send anymore gifts and that the relationship is over. She has her new guy and she should be sending him the gifts.

[newmoon]

just quit contacting one another in any way, shape or form and when the magazine comes just trash it if it holds so much meaning for you. you don't get over a break-up by continuing to keep contact - you have to break all ties and sending back the magazine subscription would be rather immature imo, just call the company and cancel the subscription, she doesn't even need to be a part of it

[BC1980]

Just throw the magazines away. Better yet, recycle them, so they will be put to some good use. My ex sent me a garden gnome for my birthday after we broke up. I had always wanted one, and he had a really nice one sent to my house. I have no f&cking clue why he would do that. You try to move on, but you end up feeling bad and ungrateful that you don't want the gift. You can't win.

 

The gnome resides outside as of now. It kinda sucks because I now have my gnome, but it reminds me of him.

[Winter blue]

Just throw the magazines away. Better yet, recycle them, so they will be put to some good use. My ex sent me a garden gnome for my birthday after we broke up. I had always wanted one, and he had a really nice one sent to my house. I have no f&cking clue why he would do that. You try to move on, but you end up feeling bad and ungrateful that you don't want the gift. You can't win.

 

The gnome resides outside as of now. It kinda sucks because I now have my gnome, but it reminds me of him.

 

I thought my ex is weird, yours is even better Jk. I think it's all about easing their own guilt, if he hasn't said a word about it I suppose?

 

Previously I thought I would keep them to read since I actually like this magazine, but the fact that I will be reminded each month makes me to think I really need to say or do something in response this time. I do not want to have direct interaction with her though, but I'd like to pass on the message that sending me gifts are not going to buy me into being friendly with her again.

[Winter blue]

Best thing I could tell you is if you want to forget her and move on, then tell her not to send anymore gifts and that the relationship is over. She has her new guy and she should be sending him the gifts.

 

Indeed. I've been wondering about speaking to her about it, like giving her an ultimatum, but I'm still hesitate because I don't know if it's even worth my time to point out this simple fact to her when it's so obvious. And by speaking to her I'm worried I will be set back.